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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798223">Van Jean</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annsabella/pseuds/Annsabella'>Annsabella</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek Voyager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drama, F/M, Sex, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:27:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>46,303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24798223</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annsabella/pseuds/Annsabella</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The incident that stranded <i>Voyager</i> in the Delta Quadrant did not happen the way history remembers it. Instead, <i>Voyager</i> is destroyed and a handful of the crew are transported aboard the Maquis ship <i>Van Jean</i>. Having lost most of her crew and her ship, Captain Kathryn Janeway finds herself stranded seventy-five thousand light-years from home surrounded by the Federation's most wanted, lead by a dangerous man named Chakotay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>36</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Caretaker’s array had been severely damaged. The Kazon focusing all their fire on the Federation vessel to stop them from completing the task once Captain Janeway warned them to keep a safe distance, revealing her intention to destroy the array. Her words only served to invoke an act of desperation from the Kazon to stop her.</p><p>Chakotay didn’t have a dog in this fight, all he wanted was to get home, so part of him was pulling for the Kazon to stop her from cutting off their only means of departure. As heartless as it appeared, he helped them long enough to get B’Elanna back and would work with them until it no longer served his interests. The current situation certainly qualified.</p><p>The Kazon had left his ship alone, focusing all their attention on the strangers whose words had angered them. Chakotay was familiar with Federation technology, and Voyager was supposed to be more advanced than any ship he’d had to deal with back in the alpha quadrant. He’d seen some of their capabilities firsthand, knowing that if he had to stand up to them in the Val Jean, not only would he lose, but would have been captured and spent the rest of his days in prison. There was a war raging at home, one he had every intention of getting back to, and spending the rest of his days in an unknown quadrant was not part of the plan. </p><p>The Kazon had been bombarding Voyager with constant fire, other ships arriving to help secure their victory. As advanced as Voyager was, even they couldn’t stand up to five Kazon warships. Their shields were beginning to fail, so Chakotay ordered B’Elanna to start transporting the Starfleet personal over to the Val Jean as soon as their shields dropped, beginning with the bridge crew. They were the most valuable, and if he managed to make it back to the alpha quadrant, he could use them as a means of barter with the Federation.</p><p>When their shields dropped, B’Elanna had begun transport, several Maquis were already in place to greet them once they arrived. The last thing he needed was any further trouble from them which could alter his own plans for any diplomatic means he could use with the Kazon to use the array once they had gained control of it. </p><p>Voyager’s death rattle had been explosive, disabling two of the Kazon ships before it was over. It wasn’t as if he didn’t care in a general sense about the people whose lives had just been snuffed out, he wasn’t completely heartless. For him, it had all been about priorities and protecting his own crew from the actions of a Captain who’s plans differed from his own. </p><p>Once it was over, he contacted the Kazon now that they had secured their victory. Making them a little more agreeable to speak with him instead of attacking his vessel. He tried to persuade their Maj into sending them home, promising there would be no further interference and reminding them that they had stayed out of their fight with Voyager. </p><p>Elated with their victory and the newly won means at their disposal to control the balance of power in this sector, he agreed, feeling uncharacteristically generous in his moment of triumph. A few hours later, the array was used to send them back, but they had come up short, leaving them several thousand light-years away from the alpha quadrant. After doing some calculations, narrowing down the numbers, came up with a timetable as to when they would expect to arrive. It was a journey that would take roughly two years to complete. </p><p>It was only then he realized he would need the rescued officer’s assistance. Realistically knowing he would be unable to keep them locked up for the duration of their trip. He would have to get them to see the benefit of working together to complete a common goal, getting home in one piece. The division in their beliefs and philosophy would have to be put aside for now, along with any deep-seated feelings of anger. He would need everyone on board working together in order to achieve this goal, starting with his own crew. </p><p>“This is bullshit Chakotay and you know it,” Michael Jonas argued, “How do you expect us to trust any of those people, especially that Vulcan traitor!” He was angry, he could see the same expression on all their faces, except for Suder, his didn’t seem to reveal any hint of emotion whatsoever. </p><p>“I know how all of you feel, and I know this seems impossible to accomplish. Assuming any of you are still interested in getting back home.” The last sentence he said sarcastically, a tone which inferred the obvious. </p><p>“And what about Paris? That Patak nearly got us all killed the last time he was with us,” B’Elanna said, almost spitting Tom’s name like a curse.</p><p>“He is under my protection. Nobody touches him. Is that understood?” Chakotay warned, deadly serious.</p><p>“Chakotay,” Seska said sidling up to him and placing her hands on his chest, “we’re only concerned about the uncertainty of having them onboard. They don’t see things the same way we do, and eventually, they may become more trouble than their worth.”</p><p>They had ended their love affair a month ago, Chakotay realizing things would never work between them. She was just a level of crazy he didn’t need to have in his bed every night. How her mood seemed to change like the stellar winds. He made it sound as if he was doing her a favor by breaking it off, as though the idea had been hers all along. It was the only way he could get her to agree. </p><p>Gently removing her hands from his chest, he replied, “I know none of you can see this now, but we need them, all of them if we’re going to get through the next two years. I’m betting they know more about this area of space than we do. They’ve had ships sent on deep range assignments to this sector, and unless we like the idea of phasering ourselves in the foot just to spite ourselves, then we can make use of that knowledge.”</p><p>“If we live long enough to regret it,” Henley began, “they’re Starfleet Chakotay, it’s programmed into their damn DNA to hate us. What makes you so certain they would even be willing to help?”</p><p>“Simple. They may be Starfleet but they’re not suicidal. Opposing us isn’t going to get them home any faster. Once they understand it’s going to take us two years to get back, they’ll have a vested interest in doing everything they can in order to achieve that goal. I’m not telling you to trust them, I’ll telling you to work with them. That doesn’t mean letting them have free rein to do whatever they want on this ship. We’ll continue to limit their access to our systems until such time as we can trust their intentions. They’ll be under constant supervision, if you see something you don’t like, let me know and I’ll take care of it.”</p><p>There was a lot of grumbling, but no one challenged him further. “Ayala, Doyle, Suder,” he called out, “Move them over to the large meeting room, it’s time we had a chat with the newest members of our crew and impress upon them how our continued association is going to work from now on. Put your weapons on stun, I’ll join you in a few minutes.”</p><p>They nodded and walked away, weapons at the ready should one of them decide to be stupid enough to challenge them. </p><p>***</p><p>It was a position unto which she had been unaccustomed to. Being on the outside. She wasn’t in charge anymore, her fate, as those left of her crew, were yet unknown. No one had come to see them in several hours, leaving her to stew and toil over the choices she’d made. There was no calling for assistance, she was cut off from outside help and at the Maquis mercy. </p><p>She never got a chance to get to know any of her crew, so the feelings she had regarding the loss didn’t hit her on any deeply personal level, but she did feel a sense of loss all the same. All that potential wasted and snuffed out in an instant. Only she and seven others were all that remained, saved at the last second before Voyager was destroyed. </p><p>Tuvok had been exploring the room they’d been left in, trying to find any and all tactical advantages they could use should they need to employ them. The Maquis were an unknown element, their moods changing frequently with a Captain who was somehow able to maintain the chaotic and often explosive nature of his crew. </p><p>Revealing himself as a Starfleet officer had only served to alienate them further, taking with it any advantage he may have had to maintain what little trust he’d managed to acquire, making an already precarious situation worse. He would not have put it past them to force them out an airlock, believing they would be eliminating a potential threat. </p><p>Over their time in captivity, Janeway had to reinforce their sense of calm and remind them of their duty as Starfleet officers. Paris, on the other hand, was just reminded to keep his mouth shut and to not do or say anything stupid that might make an already dangerous and uncertain position any harder. Very much aware that it was already going to take every diplomatic skill she had to try and protect them from harm. </p><p>The doors opened, and Janeway put herself at the front, Tuvok at her side as she tried to silently convey strength and resolve to the officers behind her. She eyed them warily, their weapons pointed at them. </p><p>“The Captain wants to talk to you,” Doyle said, “He doesn’t want you harmed, so I would suggest not doing anything which might change that,” he eyed Paris intentionally, knowing what he had been like from their previous association.</p><p>Cautiously, they moved into the corridor one after the other. Janeway taking the front and Tuvok the rear. Eventually, they found themselves in a large room, star charts along with other pieces of equipment were scattered around them. Most of it was old and out of date, nothing like the highly advanced systems she had had at her disposal on Voyager. </p><p>“Take a seat at the table,” Doyle ordered, “The Captain will be here shortly.”</p><p>The three Maquis took defensive positions around the room, keeping an eye on them and providing the best view of their guests. None of them spoke, only stared at them in watchful silence and waited. </p><p>Janeway, along with Tuvok and the others, tried to make mental notes of the items they saw, the three men’s tactics and behavior. Harry Kim paid particular attention to the consoles in the room, trying to ascertain if he could access them if given the chance. Samantha Wildman, Marie Kaplan, Kashimuro Nozawa, and Sherry Lang were also silently gathering as much visual information as possible. </p><p>When the doors opened again, Chakotay stepped into the room and moved to the front of the table. He did not sit down however, choosing to stand. It was a calculated move, Tuvok noted, in order to emphasize his power and authority over them. </p><p>“I suppose you’re wondering why you’re here and not floating as tiny particles in space along with the rest of Voyager’s crew,” he began, watching their reactions to his words closely. He was attempting to determine who he could get a rise out of and just how far he would have to push them to get it. The longer they remained calm, the more information it provided him about the kind of people he was dealing with.</p><p>“While you were waiting, I struck a deal with the Kazon in order to send us back to the alpha quadrant, and they agreed to accommodate that request, but we came up just a little short. By our estimates, we’re about two years away from home. So, now we have a good old-fashioned dilemma on our hands. What do we do with you in the meantime?” He said and placed one foot on the chair in front of him and leaned forward onto his knee, “Any suggestions?” He asked with a smile.</p><p>There was silence, and the longer it went on realized he was, in fact, actually asking for their opinion, “I could be wrong, but you don’t strike me as a cold-blooded killer,” Janeway began, “but I wouldn’t be surprised if you haven’t already discussed your options at length with your crew and decided on a course of action as to what you intend to do with us,” She finished, her demeanor carefully crafted to throw off his perceptions, appearing calm with just a touch of unpredictability in order to keep him off-guard, making him guess as to what her next move would be. She had to hand it to him though, he didn’t falter, his smile and casual manner held firmly in place. </p><p>He was used to these games, had played them himself many times over the years with Cardassian’s and Starfleet alike. His smile widened and pointed a playful finger at her, “You know what, I like you Captain. You’ve got guts, I suppose that’s why Starfleet let you wear the big boy pants when they gave you command of Voyager,” He watched her reaction carefully, and she was good, very good, her face a mask of stone.</p><p>Removing his foot from the chair he stood up straight and put his hands on his hips, “You’re right though, we have discussed it, and I’ve come to a decision about your continued future aboard this ship. Either all of you decide to work with us, combining our knowledge to get us all closer to our goal of reaching home, or we can drop you off on the nearest habitable planet we come across. However, if you decide to stay, we will be keeping you under guard, nothing personal, but I don’t trust any of you. Until such time as I decide to feel otherwise, it’s the way things must be. I’m sure you understand my position here. I have a crew to protect, one who expects me to get them back to their families in one piece.</p><p>“I’m certain that if our positions were reversed Captain, you wouldn’t hesitate to impose similar restrictions. In fact, I’m sure your former chief of security would insist on it as a safety precaution,” he said gesturing to Tuvok, “And he wouldn’t necessarily be wrong to suggest it. You don’t know me or my crew. All you know is the information you’ve read about me in your intelligence file. But how many of those so-called facts your intelligence operatives have gathered about me still hold true I wonder? I’m sure Tuvok has discussed his assessment of me with you already, and during our brief interactions, I’m sure you’ve drawn your own conclusions. You don’t strike me as the kind of woman who just relies solely on the word of others, no matter how trustworthy.”</p><p>He stopped, giving them a moment to allow his words to sink in, and found his eyes going back to the Captain’s face. He found her beautiful, intelligent, exotic. There was something he noticed about her upon their first meeting on the bridge of Voyager, more than just instinct and an instant attraction. She had stood up to him and put herself between him and Paris without hesitation. Though small in stature, exuded an intimidating and authoritative presence he would have noticed regardless. There was no mistaking who was in charge, and she had given him no room to ever question it. </p><p>If anything would keep him up at night it would be her, and it wasn’t due to any attraction he had. It was her cunning, her intelligence of how the game was played. More than any of the others, she knew how to manipulate and inspire people to change their way of thinking, even if it was just for a little while. She could plant the seeds of doubt and make a person question their decisions. This made her the most dangerous person in the room as far as he was concerned.</p><p>“I’ll give you some time to discuss it amongst yourselves, but I wouldn’t take too long. The clock is ticking,” he said leaving them alone with the three Maquis he had guarding them. Twenty minutes, that’s all he would allow before going back to get their answer.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I don’t like it B’El. I don’t know what Chakotay is thinking anymore,” Seska said, handing B’Elanna another tool, “I used to be able to read him like a book, now I’m not so sure.”</p><p>B’Elanna was under the panel working on the plasma injectors. The ship was old by any reasonable standard, especially the thirty-nine-year-old rebuilt engine. They didn’t have the resources of the Federation, or the Vulcans, or even a small colony. The Bajorans helped whenever possible, and if they could take a shot at the Cardassians and make life difficult for them, so much the better.</p><p>They had to live by their wits, flying by the seat of their pants. There was no room for error, knowing that failure usually meant death or wishing for some version of it. Still, it wasn’t all doom and gloom with danger hiding around every corner. They still managed to have fun, bringing with it a closeness most of them didn’t have with their own families if they still had them.</p><p>“What do you want me to do? Shoot him?” B’Elanna said, “He’s the one we decided to put in charge, we’ve given him the power to make the really hard decisions the rest of us either can’t or don’t want to make. Besides, you’re not together anymore, remember? You told me the two of you broke it off ages ago. Why are you suddenly worried about what he’s thinking?”</p><p>Seska sighed in exasperation, “Because it’s just not like him!”</p><p>B’Elanna pushed herself out from under the panel, scolding her, “Would you keep your voice down.” She hissed, “People can hear you. Thin walls, no secrets,” and took a breath. The constant whining was getting annoying. Seska might have been her best friend, but she could also be a real pain in the ass, “Just go take a walk or something, I got this covered.”</p><p>“Fine,” she said curtly and dropped the tool, “I can take a hint,” standing she walked off without another word. </p><p>B’Elanna might have been severely annoyed but wasn’t worried. She knew Seska, knew her moods. Once she cooled off, she’d be back. </p><p>They shared quarters with Henley and Jor. Henley could be a real bitch at times, but she meant well. Jor was quiet, sweet, and even-tempered. In many ways she felt sorry for her, getting stuck with three strong personalities. Space was at a premium on this ship, now they were possibly going to be adding eight more, which also meant eight more mouths to feed. Thank God that was Chell’s job. As long as she got her daily allotment of goop, she was set. </p><p>Sometimes she forgot how thin those walls were, their quarters being right next to Chakotay’s small one-person cabin. It actually wasn’t that long ago she used to hear Chakotay and Seska going at it, their mingled cries of pleasure keeping all of them up half the night. Lately, it had been quiet, and she hoped it stayed that way until he found his next conquest. He was an extremely charismatic and charming man, and it went without saying, very easy on the eyes. A woman would have to be either gay or blind not to notice.</p><p>He would put those skills to greater use when he wanted or needed to. Half the time he was the one who was able to procure the items they desperately needed. Whether it was wooing some shop keeper’s wife or making friends with local law enforcement, he always found a way. The crew never asked any questions, and they never wanted to. </p><p>She wondered how he would convince their newest arrivals to fall in line if they stayed on board, especially that Captain Janeway. To B’Elanna, she looked like a pretty tough nut to crack, it wouldn’t be easy getting past that disciplined Starfleet exterior, but again, it wasn’t her job to worry about it. All she had to do was keep the lights on and the engines running with yards of flex aluminum and a lot of prayers. Beyond that, it was somebody else’s problem.</p><p>***</p><p>Janeway wasn’t pleased with the situation, or the lack of privacy, but there were worse things. They huddled together out of necessity in order to keep from being overheard. </p><p>“What do you think Captain?” Harry asked, “Should we try to stage something? Maybe take over the ship?”</p><p>She gave him a ‘you’ve got to be kidding look’, “Think about it, Ensign, what good would it actually do? Even if we did take over the ship we would be at a serious disadvantage. They know this ship better than we do, half the systems here I’ve never seen in use. Have you?”</p><p>He looked ashamed and shook his head, “So what do you suggest?”</p><p>“We are in a unique position here,” Janeway began, “one that allows us to gather information on behalf of the Federation. If we stay the course, make a concerted effort to fit in, we’ll be in a greater position by the time we reach Earth. I recommend that all of us do our best to submit to their authority in this case, find a way to make ourselves useful. In time perhaps we might be able to do more than just win their trust, we could influence their decisions.”</p><p>“I hate to question you, Captain,” Kashimuro Nozawa interjected, “but how far do you suggest we go in order to fit in?”</p><p>“I won’t ask any of you submit to something that goes against your morals and principles, only participate as far as your conscience will allow,” and he nodded. </p><p>“Captain, I do have one major concern,” Wildman said, “I just learned I’m pregnant. I haven't been in a position to tell my husband yet.”</p><p>Janeway’s eyes grew concerned and placed a hand on the frightened young woman’s hand. If she remembered the information in her file correctly, her husband was Ktarian, a race with thick scales and a set of vertical horns, which presented its own set of delivery issues for any human woman.  “We say nothing for now, not until we have to. Understood? Let me get a lay of the land first and see if I can feel out this Captain on his views about that. Once I know more, then we’ll decide how to handle the situation.” Samantha nodded.</p><p>“In the meantime, helping them achieve their goal of reaching the alpha quadrant only benefits our continued survival,” Tuvok added. </p><p>“Agreed,” Janeway said with a nod.</p><p>She thought about this Captain Chakotay, and she couldn’t help but notice the way he looked at her, having noticed the way his eyes kept glancing over to her during their meeting. She couldn’t help but find him attractive, to deny it would be denying the truth. She’d gotten the same feeling of instant attraction when he stood in front of her on Voyager’s bridge not so long ago but dismissed it. She had a fiancé she was planning on returning to someday, even if it meant a separation for two years instead of three weeks. </p><p>During her time here, she would have to find a way to get close to him, get him to trust her. It would take time, and she would have to continue to play the game to make it appear she was playing hard to get, but in some ways, she wouldn’t be playing. The more primal side of her she always kept in check would have to be utilized in order to get what she wanted. Just how far she was willing to go was still up in the air, and something she would seriously have to consider if or when that bridge would ever have to be crossed. </p><p>In the end, they agreed to stay on board and ride this ship all the way to the alpha quadrant in order to get back to their lives. How much the experience would change them over the next two years she couldn’t know, only knowing that it would. </p><p>The doors slid open and Chakotay stepped inside, the smile wide on his lips, “So, what will it be?” He wasted no time getting to the point.</p><p>“We’ve agreed to your conditions,” Janeway said, “I just hope you don’t make us regret it.”</p><p>He laughed, “You’ll find me to be a fair and patient man, but once you cross me, I have no further use for you. Is that understood?” The group verbally acknowledged the agreement, “Good,” he said clapping his hands together, “Let's get you out of those uniforms and get you something to eat, I’m sure you must be starving by now. We’ll get you bunked up with someone later,” he turned to leave then stopped himself and turned back, “Walk with me Captain, I think there are a few more things we need to discuss in private.”</p><p>She was hesitant but complied with the request. Guessing that one of the things he was going to say was something she already knew. That she was no longer in charge and wanted to reaffirm the point, so it was clearly and unequivocally understood. </p><p>Following him into the corridor, they walked to the crew quarters. Once he opened the door to his small cabin she stopped, feeling an instant sense of fear and uncertainty. He turned to her and smiled, as if understanding her reluctance, “Not all of us have the benefit of a ready room. This is the closest thing I have that will allow us to have a private conversation. I promise to be a complete gentleman,” he assured.</p><p>Cautious, she stepped inside and he followed, the door sliding closed behind them. He gestured to the large bed, the only piece of furniture in the room, and invited her to take a seat. She did so grudgingly, positioning herself in such a way that she could still move to defend herself if necessary. </p><p>He moved to sit next to her, but further away on the bed as to not make her feel threatened, and once again felt the heat of instant attraction. He could see it in her eyes as well, the thought crossing her mind as she tried to suppress it. The knowledge brought a sense of comfort that it wasn’t just him who’d noticed.</p><p>“I know how hard all this must be for you to accept,” he began sympathetically, “This was not what you were expecting to happen when you set out on this mission. The task was seemingly quite simple. Capture a rogue element and deliver them to the nearest detention center.”</p><p>She didn’t appear to be impressed, “Is there a point to all this?”</p><p>He gave a sigh, “Yes, what I’m trying to convey to you is that I understand how difficult the situation is. I would feel the same in your shoes. We don’t have to be enemies Captain, all we have to do is try to get along and work together so we both get what we want, finding the shortest way home. I don’t expect us to become friends, I don’t even expect you to like me or my crew, but none of us are as bad as what you may think. We’re just people whose goals in life happen to differ from yours, that’s all.”</p><p>“Pretty speech,” she replied neutrally, “but you can stop trying to win me over. We’ve already agreed to your terms Captain, there’s no need for pretense or feigned ploys at sympathy. I am well aware of the situation in which I find myself, and that I am no longer in charge and will have to submit to your authority. I’ve accepted that and would be a fool to think otherwise. What I am curious about is how this new association is going to work beyond the obvious. Are we to be locked up until needed? Kept under constant guard and supervision? Or will you allow us a few fleeting moments of what feels like privacy on occasion?”</p><p>He smiled despite himself, “Always trying to find the upper hand. I like that about you. I suppose that’s why they made you Captain. Starfleet must have been extremely impressed with you.” Her silence was all the admission he needed. His smile continued to remain, but softened slightly, “To answer all your questions, yes, at least for now. How quickly that changes will be up to you and your companions. If any of you decide to become a problem, we’ll have to solve it by any means necessary, but I hope this won’t be the case. We’re not a group of bloodthirsty killers, we can be quite reasonable people when given the chance.”</p><p>She feigned a smile, “I hope we all live long enough to get the chance to see that for ourselves.”</p><p>He nodded, picking up on the subtle uncertainty the statement implied, “While you’re here with us, do you prefer to be addressed as Kathryn or Janeway?”</p><p>“Janeway will be fine,” she stated. </p><p>“Alright Janeway, let's get you something to eat and a new set of clothes. While we have lunch, you can give me a rundown on the set of skills you and your companions can provide so we have a better idea of where to place all of you.”</p><p>She nodded in agreement as he stood up. Offering her his hand, she gingerly took it and allowed him to help her to her feet. Standing this close to him brought on a sudden and unexpected feeling of attraction as if he were a magnet and she was being drawn to him. He seemed to be feeling it too as he stood face to face with her in the small room. Their eyes locked on the others. </p><p>Their lips were close, too close to touching, she could feel his hot breath against the skin of her neck and was trying to ignore the signals it was generating. He could almost feel the intense heat coming off her body, he wanted more than anything to reach out and pull her closer but stopped himself, pulling back slightly. </p><p>Even the minuscule distance did nothing to stop the desire for closeness, he would have to extricate himself from the situation before he acted on that impulse. Moving over to the door seemed to provide the distance he needed to get himself under control. He could see the tension beginning to leave her body, she felt it too when their bodies had been orbiting the other. He hadn’t been expecting this, to feel this level of intense desire for her, and quickly realized that she would be his undoing.</p><p>Her cheeks felt flushed, her body tingling with an unspoken need to fulfill the desire his presence had invoked. Instantly she felt shame at how quickly Mark had been forgotten, how this man standing across from her was making her feel. It was an instant animalistic attraction; unlike anything she’d ever experienced before. She knew he would be her undoing.</p><p>Opening the door, they stepped out into the corridor and began walking together in silence. He took her over to see Yosa who got her fitted with a change of clothing and carefully placed her uniform into storage along with her com badge. She wouldn’t be needing it anymore. That part of her life was over for now until she could return home and begin the process of putting this behind her. </p><p>***</p><p>Kenneth Dalby, a man who grew up on the Bajoran frontier. He had a hard life and coped by getting into a lot of trouble. He was angry at everyone and everything until he met a woman, then he wasn’t angry anymore, that is until three Cardassians raped her and smashed her skull. He joined the Maquis and began killing every Cardassian he could find until he found himself here on the outskirts of the delta quadrant. That, as far as anyone was concerned, is the brief history of Kenneth Dalby. </p><p>Tom Paris didn’t see him coming as he carried his bowl of goop to a nearby table in the messhall, bumping into him on purpose. The bowl was pushed up onto his chest, emptying its contents onto his new clothing. </p><p>“Watch where you’re going fuck face.” Dalby hissed, “or I’ll knock the shit out of you. I don’t care what Chakotay says.”</p><p>Gerron, a quiet and shy Bajoran, put his hand on Dalby’s shoulder and indicated he let it go. The gesture seemed to perform the intended effect.</p><p>Leaning in close to Tom’s face he whispered, “I’d watch your back if I were you. The Captain’s word will only protect you for so long,” he said before walking away.</p><p>When Tom turned around, Lon Suder was there holding out another bowl of goop to him along with a clean rag tucked in underneath it. In the other, he held his own bowl. Offering him a strange smile he said, “He doesn’t like me either, but you get used to it.”</p><p>Tom took the items he offered and began following Suder to a table in the corner, wiping the contents of his previous intended meal off his shirt and pants as best he could. When they sat down, he watched as Suder began to scoop up the goopy substance and shove it into his mouth. Giving him a gesture, he indicated Tom do the same. He looked down at it, pondering the unappetizing contents. Suder laughed, knowing what he was thinking, “It doesn’t taste that bad once you get used to it. It’s the consistency more than the taste that’s hard to get past, but it has all the vitamins and minerals the body needs.”</p><p>Tabor took the chair between them, surprising Tom briefly, he hadn’t seen his approach, “Don’t let him hand you a line of crap,” he said setting down his own bowl, “I’ve been eating this shit for almost a year now and it tastes just as nasty as it did the first time,” he said making Suder smile and stuck out his hand, “I don’t think we’ve met, name’s Tabor.” </p><p>“First or last?” Tom asked, shaking it briefly. </p><p>“Does it matter?” He replied, before shoveling a spoonful in his mouth.</p><p>“I suppose not,” then hesitantly tried a small spoonful of his own. Once the substance touched his tongue, he thought he might vomit. It took every ounce of willpower to swallow.</p><p>Tabor laughed and patted him roughly on the shoulder. Looking at Tom he spoke to Suder, “I thought we were about to have another popper on our hands,” which made Suder snicker before speaking to Tom directly, “Good on you brother. I think we’re going to get along just fine.”</p><p>Tom gave a slight smile, at least there seemed to be two people that didn’t seem to hate his guts or want to kill him on sight. He thought it might be a good time to get to know more about his new captain and crewmates, “At the risk of sounding offensive, how well do you know the Captain?”</p><p>Tabor laughed, “Chakotay? He’s a good guy, can be a bit of dick at times, but who isn’t?” </p><p>Tom ventured a slight laugh, testing the waters, and it didn’t seem to ruffle any feathers.</p><p>“Seriously though, he’s a good Captain, knows how to get the job done. We’ve been through a few scraps together and he knows how to hold his own. Isn’t that right Suder?” He asked and Suder nodded, smiling and eating quietly. </p><p>“I don’t have the best history with him.” Tom admitted, “but I did save his life recently, so I guess he feels he owes me one.”</p><p>“He’s an honorable man, very spiritual, if he says you’re golden you are. Don’t worry about guys like Dalby. Once he hears about what happened here, he’ll straighten him out. I wouldn’t worry about it too much, but I’d still watch your back though, Chakotay can’t be everywhere at once.”</p><p>Tom nodded, “I’ll remember that.”</p><p>They moved on to other topics, and Tom was so invested in the conversation he didn’t notice when Janeway and Chakotay entered the room.</p><p>Moving up to the line Chakotay picked up two bowls, spoons having already been added and moved over to a table and sat them down, Janeway just behind him. He gestured for her to sit, and at the invitation, she did and eyed the bowl in front of her warily.</p><p>“I know, looks like vomit doesn’t it?” He said with a laugh.</p><p>Janeway only raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment. Picking up the spoon she scooped up some of the contents and put it in her mouth. However, even though it did taste as close to vomit as she was likely to ever get, kept her expression neutral and swallowed before going for another spoonful.</p><p>Chakotay looked impressed, “Either you’ve had this before or you’re really good at hiding your true feelings. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s the latter,” then smiled.</p><p>The dimples in his cheeks only deepened, driving a feeling of warmth through her chest. Putting down her spoon she crossed her arms on the edge of the table and leaned forward slightly, “So what did you want to know?”</p><p>He paused, the spoon hovering between his mouth and the bowl, “About your former crew or you?” He asked before completing the action.</p><p>“You wanted to know more about our skills, so you might have a better idea of how we can help you,” she said, keeping her tone even.</p><p>“Right, but I don’t see why we can’t do both,” he replied leaving the spoon in the bowl to gaze up at her, “We’re going to be stuck on this ship together for the next two years, I don’t see the harm in trying to get to know one another. Do you?”</p><p>She didn’t know how to respond to that just yet, and luckily, she didn’t have to. Seska stood behind him, and as soon as her hand caressed his shoulder and arm his expression changed as if he knew exactly who it was.</p><p>“Well, if it isn’t one of our newest crewmembers getting some personal attention from her Captain,” she said sickeningly sweet, “Even I didn’t the pleasure of his company until I’d been with his unit for at least three months.”</p><p>He frowned, “I’m trying to take in an inventory of their skills, so I know where to assign our newest crewmates. Do you mind?”</p><p>“Not at all,” she said taking a seat at the table, “please continue,” and looked directly at Janeway, her eyes taking on a harsh edge, contradicting the smile on her lips. Letting her know that in no uncertain terms that he was hers and she needed to stay away from him.</p><p>She felt only slightly uncomfortable with the implied confrontation, but didn’t show it, and looked back to Chakotay, “You’re already aware of Paris’ and Tuvok’s skillset so I don’t believe I need to mention anything further. Kim is an operation’s specialist, Kaplan is a system analyst. Wildman specializes in life science, Lang is a long-range tactical analyst, and Nozawa is a level four engineering specialist.”</p><p>“How interesting,” Seska said, her chin resting on her hand, “and what is it that you do, besides trying to strand ships in the delta quadrant?”</p><p>“That’s enough Seska,” Chakotay warned, “I think it’s time you got back to work. Don’t you?”</p><p>She didn’t appear at all perturbed by the harsh tone and stood up, “If I must,” and locked eyes with Janeway, “It’s been an absolute pleasure to meet you. We must do it again sometime,” she finished before leaving on what she non-verbally conveyed as her terms.</p><p>Janeway shook her head slightly after she was gone and rolled her eyes, “I’m not going to pretend to know what that was about.”</p><p>Chakotay allowed his annoyance to show, “I do, and I’ll have to have a talk with her later about it.” He could see she wanted to ask for more information, but kept silent, “We used to be involved," he volunteered.</p><p>Janeway leaned back in the chair, arms still crossed, “I don’t think this is any of my business. You don’t have to explain anything to me.”</p><p>“I know, but I wanted to,” He said, and once again she could see that same intense gaze appear in his eyes.</p><p>She could feel the breath catch slightly in her throat. What was wrong with her? How did he seem to have such a potent effect on her? She had to get ahold of herself and focus on what she needed to do to get through the next two years and promptly changed the subject, hoping he hadn’t noticed the minor hesitation, “If you’re still interested in knowing what my specialty is, I’m a scientist, I have advanced degrees in several different areas. You already know what the other is.”</p><p>He allowed his smile to widen and allowed the subject to change, “I never would have pegged you for a scientist.”</p><p>“Really? What would you have guessed?”</p><p>“I don’t know, pilot maybe. You certainly have the cocky attitude.”</p><p>She gave him a crooked smile, unable to stop herself before releasing a soft laugh, “You give me the impression of someone who’s more likely to sleep with every woman he meets if Seska is any indication.”</p><p>He laughed, “Touché.”  </p><p>They relaxed for a moment; it was the first time either of them had fully let their guard down, even for a second. Once she realized she’d allowed herself to become a little too comfortable, she sat up and began eating again, the shields instantly up. It might be a while before their next meal and needed to keep her strength up.</p><p>He couldn’t help but notice the immediate change. For just a moment, she had allowed him to glance behind the veil, and what he saw was a woman he couldn’t help but admire. Picking up his own spoon, they finished the rest of the meal in silence.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had nearly been almost four months and all the former Starfleet crew was behaving themselves, doing as they were asked. Janeway had requested to speak with Chakotay about Wildman’s pregnancy almost three months ago. He was concerned mostly for her medical care. There were three things the Maquis didn’t tolerate under any circumstances and would get you a one-way trip out an airlock with no spacesuit. Harming a pregnant woman, harming a child, and rape. In order to make the young woman feel better, he often had Wildman working on the bridge where he or someone he really trusted could keep an eye on her at all times as she scanned for natural resources on the different habitable planets they passed, and some that weren’t. </p><p>Ann Smithee was the closest thing to a doctor on this ship, she had been a Federation nurse for nearly thirty years before she left to join the Maquis, and knew quite a bit about medicine, and as good as she was, couldn’t take care of everything. Tom Paris began assisting her, due to his training in biochemistry and could help with a lot of minor ailments that didn’t require extensive knowledge to accomplish. He was still learning. </p><p>Nozawa worked with B’Elanna, Seska, and Carlson in engineering and doing a lot of pre-maintenance in order to keep their systems from experiencing massive failure. The knowledge he provided was invaluable to this task. </p><p>Harry helped on occasion when his assistance wasn’t needed on the bridge handling the ship's operations systems. Tuvok, Kaplan, and Lang also worked on the bridge when needed and were assigned to other areas when they weren’t. Janeway was assigned to their version of a science lab where she could analyze core samples for new sources of energy, minerals, materials, anything they could use to improve ship functions and keep them flying. The process was difficult considering how outdated the tools and systems she was working with were but found a way to make improvements when possible or to improvise when not. </p><p>They were still kept under a watchful eye but did not have a guard assigned to them everywhere they went now, providing just a little breathing room. Currently, she was in the process of analyzing the purity of some dilithium crystals they’d mined on an L class moon, hoping they would or could be made pure if necessary. She either wore her hair up in a clip or in a ponytail these days just to keep it out of her face. </p><p>Harry and Tabor were currently working on the environmental controls in this area of the ship. It was hot, almost sweltering. She was soaked in sweat, and the one thing she had to use every day was the communal sonic showers which housed the rest of the amenities. Very few of the cabins had their own. </p><p>Chakotay entered and immediately noticed the heat. “I don’t see how you can stand it in here.” He commented stepping inside. </p><p>She didn’t look up, only occupied herself with the work, “If I don’t do it the job remains unfinished, and we need the dilithium. My comfort is a small price to pay.”</p><p>“Until you pass out. You need to get out of here for a bit, I can see you’re getting overheated,” he pointed out.</p><p>“I’m fine Captain, besides I’m almost finished. I only have one batch left to evaluate.” </p><p>“Good, then you can do it later.”</p><p>She frowned, “I can do it now. It won’t take long.”</p><p>She could be as stubborn as a Klingon at times. He walked over and took the tools out of her hands and set them aside, “No now,” then pulled her along behind him. The corridor felt cool on her skin, the air circulating nicely. </p><p>“Alright. I will stand here for a few minutes before going back and finishing up,” she advised. </p><p>“I think you’ve done enough for one day. You haven’t eaten I’ll bet or gotten proper sleep.”</p><p>“How would you know?” She asked indignantly. </p><p>“I’m the Captain remember? I have my sources. So, here’s what’s going to happen. I’m going to take you to get something to eat, let you use my sonic shower, and then I’m going to take you to bed.”</p><p>“I beg your pardon?” She questioned, stunned.</p><p>“Not like that,” he said, understanding how the words didn’t quite sound right, “I meant to take you back to your cabin so you can get some rest. You work yourself entirely too hard.”</p><p>“Someone has to,” She countered. </p><p>Life aboard the Val Jean was unlike any ship she’d ever served on. There was always something either breaking down, never having enough supplies, or a fight breaking out. They had to trade their skills to procure items such as food, parts, or anything else they needed. The time used to work off the value of any such procurements only added time to their already long journey home. That is if they couldn’t be obtained using other less reputable methods. </p><p>She never thought or saw herself having to live this way, and at times, found herself using less restraint when it came to getting things done. There were no reminders of Starfleet regulations here, only an attitude of getting the job finished, and if that meant shoving someone out of the way or getting into an altercation so be it. There was no real structure, no sense of organization where everyone knew their place and where their efforts needed to be focused until something broke down. There were few assigned positions on board, she felt lucky hers was one of them. At least it gave her some idea as to what she would be doing every day instead of it being up in the air. </p><p>Janeway had been up for nearly forty hours, and she was tired, exhausted in fact, but had been the only other person on board other than B’Elanna and Nozawa who could analyze the mined samples, their focus always needed or directed elsewhere. So, when the environmental controls went out almost three hours ago, she buckled down and worked through it, steadily getting acclimated to the rising heat levels. It wasn’t until she entered the corridor with Chakotay she noticed the difference in temperature. </p><p>Suddenly she felt sick to her stomach, woozy. The drastic change in climate having an immediate and adverse effect on her body’s natural inclinations to regulate her systems. Her hand shot out unexpectantly to the bulkhead beside her, trying to use it as a means of reorientation to keep her mind focused on just staying upright. </p><p>“What is it?” Chakotay asked concerned, taking a step toward her, and getting ready to catch her should she fall.</p><p>“I’m…” that was all she got out before her eyes rolled back into her head and her knees went out from under her.</p><p>He caught her easily and picked her up, carrying her down the corridor to his cabin. From there he would call Ann Smithee and have her come up and take a look, thinking Janeway was possibly suffering from heatstroke. As he carried her, he couldn’t help but notice how good she felt in his arms, as if she were always meant to be there. Her head resting on his shoulder, her body curled against his chest. It was getting harder to resist his feelings for her, and this incident certainly wasn’t helping matters. </p><p>Reaching his cabin, he laid her down on his bed and used the internal com unit to advise Ann of the situation. She seemed annoyed but agreed to come down and have a look. He sat on the edge of the bed and kept an eye on her until she arrived. He’d never felt this worried about someone who wasn’t a close friend before, much less someone he barely knew. She was a hard woman to get to know, always keeping to herself as much as possible. </p><p>The only person she appeared to be close to was Tuvok, and the Vulcan wouldn’t give him the time of day when he asked for any personal information about her. He supposed that was natural, wanting to protect a close friend’s personal details from a man who was seen as the enemy. However, he didn’t want to be her enemy, he wanted to be much more than that to her. There were times he got the sense she felt the same way about him, but always kept herself at a distance. It had been hard enough over the last four months just to get her to have a friendly conversation with him. It was some kind of progress at least.</p><p>Ann arrived and took one look at her and said, “Yep, it’s heatstroke. I’ll need to get an IV started to balance her electrolyte levels. In the meantime, get her clothes off and wrap her in some cool towels to help bring down her core temperature. I’ll be right back.”</p><p>She started to go, and he grasped her arm, “I don’t think I can do that.”</p><p>Annoyed she asked, “Why not?” His face flushed, then it dawned on her and a smile spread across her lips, “Oh my God. You’re sweet on her. Don’t that beat all?”</p><p>“Ann,” he warned.</p><p>She held up her free hand, “Alright, not a word I get it,” he let go of her, “I must say I’ve never seen you like this Chakotay. It’s nice to see that someone can make your heart beat a little faster,” she teased playfully.</p><p>The flush only seemed to spread, “She’s a beautiful woman, different to anyone I’ve met before,” He explained, then it immediately struck him as to why he felt the need to explain his feelings at all. Ann was different though; she was the mother hen of the ship and no one messed with her. In fact, the crew went out of their way to do things and take care of her as if she were their own mother, “Why am I even telling you this?”</p><p>She crossed her arms and gave him a knowing glare, “I’ve known you a very long time Chakotay. I’ve seen all kinds of women come and go in your life, and you’ve never once behaved differently around any of them. The way you reacted just now tells me this one’s special to you,” her tone became playful again as she reached out and gathered the skin of his cheek between her fingers, moving it around slightly in an overly animated pinch, “My little boy is growing up and finding love.”</p><p>He slapped her hand away gently, embarrassed, “You know I love you like a mother, but if you ever do that again I’ll have to push you out an airlock.”</p><p>She laughed, “Whatever you say…Captain,” the playful tone softened, “Honestly though, it’s good to see you genuinely interested in someone. Do you know if she feels the same way?”</p><p>He shook his head, “I’m not sure. I think maybe, but it’s almost impossible sometimes just to get her to give me the time of day.”</p><p>Her lips softened into a gentle motherly smile, “In many ways, I’m not surprised. She was a captain in Starfleet, it’s the only life I’m sure she’s ever known. Perhaps if you shared more of your personal experiences, she might be more inclined to share hers. I may be old, but I still remember how to get to know someone.”</p><p>Chakotay laughed, “You’re not old Ann, you’re seasoned.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, “You make me sound like weather patterns, but I know what you meant. Anyway, I will take care of this part and you, my dear, will go to that poor excuse of what we call a sickbay and tell Paris to give you an IV for an electrolyte drip. Make sure he gives you the tubing and the needles or I’ll be sending you back.”</p><p>“Yes ma’am,” He said playfully, “Anything else?”</p><p>“Actually, while you’re at it, I could use a foot rub and a bottle of Dom Perignon circa 1996.”</p><p>He smiled, “I’ll get right on that,” then left.</p><p>***</p><p>“Okay lady and gentlemen, the game is apparently ‘go fish’ due to O’Donnell’s wishes,” Paris said dealing each five cards. </p><p>O’Donnell was a big man who was built like a tree trunk, very tall and muscular, so if he wanted to play a child’s game like ‘go fish’ no one was going to argue with him unless they felt like taking a beating. </p><p>“I think it’s sweet,” Samantha said arranging her cards.</p><p>“Thank you, Sam,” O’Donnell replied, “Playing this game reminds me of my mother. We used to play it when I was a boy before she died.”</p><p>“Well,” Sam put a hand on his arm, “I’m sure she’s thinking of you too.”</p><p>O’Donnell smiled. He and Sam had developed quite a friendship, she became the mother figure he’d been missing, and she seemed to enjoy his company. He had become very protective of her, if anyone looked at her funny, he’d be there with a right hook, her own personal bodyguard.</p><p>“Okay, enough with the sappy shit,” Hogan interjected, “Are we gonna play cards or what?”</p><p>The group talked as they played, not really caring so much about the game as they did about getting to know each other better. </p><p>“So, what’s the deal with Janeway?” Tabor asked, “She anti-social?”</p><p>“I don’t think so,” Harry replied, “I can’t say I know her well, or really know her at all actually. I think the transition has been harder on her than the rest of us. Her ship gets blown up and she loses all but eight members of her crew. She fails to save a race of people she’s promised to help, the Kazon gain control of the Caretakers array, and to top it all off she’s no longer in command and has to serve as a crewmember on the same Maquis ship she was sent to capture in the first place. I don’t know about anyone else, but that sounds like a really rough week in my book.”</p><p>“Look, we all lost something or someone,” Hogan stated, “she should just get the fuck over it. It’s been like four months now.”</p><p>The group stopped and looked at him, “Real astute observation there Hogan. Did they teach you that in how to be a dick school?” Tabor said.</p><p>Hogan gave him the finger.</p><p>“I suppose they taught you that in finishing school,” he added.</p><p>“Okay boys, can we just get back to the game?” Sam interrupted.</p><p>Hogan and Tabor grumbled but did. They played in silence for a bit before anyone spoke again.</p><p>“I have to say she’s brilliant though,” Tabor said.</p><p>“Who?” Paris asked.</p><p>“Janeway, I got sent down to the makeshift science lab she got working up there to see if she needed a hand with any of the core samples. Some of them were fairly heavy and Chakotay didn’t want her trying to lift them on her own. Most of the equipment is pretty old, but somehow, she was able to determine the exact chemical composition of the samples without so much as a scanner most of the time. It’s like she just knew. Pretty amazing actually.”</p><p>“She used to serve as the chief science officer on my father’s ship, the Al-Batani,” Paris replied, “He only accepted the best and the brightest.”</p><p>“So, what’s your excuse?” Tabor joked and Paris gave him a deadpan look which only made him, and the rest of the table laugh.</p><p>They talked awhile, played awhile, asked a few more questions about some of their crewmates on both sides of the fence and generally had a good time until it got late and then called it a night. O’Donnell walked Sam back to the crew quarters she shared with Janeway, Carlson, and Yosa. Once she was inside, she was a bit worried when she didn’t see Janeway in her bunk, but at the same time she had been known to work late, so dismissed it and climbed into her own bunk and went to sleep.</p><p>***</p><p>With a soft moan, Janeway awoke to find herself in near darkness and in a strange place. She was on a strange bed with someone she didn’t recognize lying next to her. It took a moment to also realize she didn’t have any clothes on, only a large semi-damp towel wrapped around her torso. She wasn’t cognizant of the time or what exactly happened when she was led out of the broiling science lab by Chakotay. </p><p>“Feeling better?”</p><p>She froze, recognizing the voice and pushed herself up a bit, holding the towel in place. Not calling for light, unable to bear the thought of exposing herself further, “How did I get here?”</p><p>“You passed out in the corridor from heatstroke, Smithee came down here to treat you,” She could almost hear the smile in his voice, “Don’t worry, she’s the one who removed your clothing and placed the towel around you to cool you down. She also had to give you an IV, your electrolytes had bottomed out. I, on the other hand, was a perfect gentleman and your virtue is still intact.”</p><p>If the lights were on, he would have seen the deep shade of red flushing her skin, but also felt relieved, “What’s the time?”</p><p>“Oh, I imagine it’s somewhere around zero one-hundred. You’ve been asleep most of the day,” he answered.</p><p>“I appreciate your assistance, but I should really go to my bunk,” She said getting up, his hand grasping hers was the only thing that stopped her.</p><p>“You don’t have any clothes. Stay, I’ll go down and get some from Yosa for you first thing,” He assured softly.</p><p>The touch of his hand, the closeness of his body to hers, it was stirring something in her she desperately wanted to keep suppressed and hidden, “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she answered just as softly.</p><p>“Why not? I promise to keep my hands to myself. Besides, you can’t go walking the corridors in a towel, people will talk.”</p><p>“People are going to talk once they notice me exiting your cabin,” she countered.</p><p>“True,” he agreed, “but who cares, as long as we know nothing happened that’s all that matters right?”</p><p>No, it wasn’t alright, and it wasn’t fair. Didn’t she already have enough to deal with without adding more gossip? Hadn’t she already walked into enough situations where the conversation stopped the moment she arrived? Hearing her name mentioned as the butt of their jokes? </p><p>She could still remember one conversation she’d overheard that particularly stung, like a verbal punch to the gut while she was having her morning goop in the messhall. Either the table of four didn’t notice her presence or they didn’t care, it really didn’t matter which. They had been exceptionally cruel in their assessment, judging her based on some of the worst events she’d ever experienced as a commander. </p><p>Tuvok stared at her, silently conveying resilience and resolve in the face of such harsh and derogatory comments. There was nothing she could do about it unless she wanted to start a fight, and part of her really wanted to but resisted the urge, forcing herself to continue to stare back into Tuvok’s eyes. It was the only tether she had to enforce a modicum of self-control.</p><p>Her skin was turning red again, this time for a different reason. She could feel herself getting angry, finding herself once again in another situation that would only provide more fodder for her shipmates to lob at her and went completely still and silent.</p><p>He could pick up on the fact that something was wrong right away, “What is it?” He asked concerned, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.</p><p>She tensed up at the comfort he was attempting to provide, already feeling those painful emotions bubbling up to the surface as much as she didn’t want them to. The last thing she wanted was to cry in front of him or anyone. </p><p>“Hey,” he whispered. Sitting up, he took her into his arms when he heard her release a choked sob and rubbed her back. The towel slipping down but neither seemed to care. It was about comfort, nothing more until he felt her breath softly puffing against his cheek. Her lips were close, too close for him to resist seeking them out.</p><p>Gently he found them with his fingertips before kissing her. She pulled back slightly, uncertain, and unsure. He was convinced she would pull away entirely, then suddenly felt her lips on his, kissing him back. His natural responses took over, and he gently eased her down onto her back, his lips on hers. They kissed slowly, passionately. Her hands came up to caress his cheek and the nape of his neck, sending additional pleasurable sensations throughout his body. </p><p>His hands began to explore, completely removing the towel to get better access as her hands moved to roam over his back. Their lips continued to stay connected throughout the explorations, even as he removed his boxers and covered her body with his own, her legs opening and providing the invitation. He stopped long enough to pull the tank up and over his head and threw it to the side before reclaiming her lips. </p><p>Before either of them realized it he was inside her, his hips moving slowly as the kiss deepened. His hips were on autopilot, keeping the same pace as the movement of their lips. Her mouth tasted sweet and uniquely hers, impossible to describe. All he knew is that he never wanted to be without the taste on his lips. </p><p>She sighed delicately against his mouth, invoking exquisite sensations he’d never felt with anyone else. Every other woman he’d been with, including Seska, was like a never-ending sexcapade. As if it were a challenge to see how wild, how dirty, and how loudly they could make the other scream in pleasure. She was different, her body and demeanor demanding a distinctive type of attention.</p><p>The kiss ended when she broke contact, her back arching slightly, releasing a series of husky throaty moans quietly against his cheek. He’d never been so turned on in his life, causing him to elicit a few soft moans of his own before finding himself kissing the side of her neck and caressing the other side with his fingers. She bared her throat to him completely at his touch, and all he knew at this moment, is that he wanted to make her feel the same intense pleasure he felt. </p><p>She began to pant and moan softly once he gradually quickened the pace, wanting to draw out the euphoric sensations. She was close, he could feel it. Her thighs beginning to squeeze steadily against his hips as her breathing became increasingly rapid. She began to hum as the pleasure he was providing intensified before repeating the same word, yes, the cries steadily growing louder with each syllable uttered.</p><p>Seska and B’Elanna had been awoken by the sound, their bunks attached directly to the other side of the wall. It had been a while since she’d heard any sound from Chakotay’s cabin, much less the sound of a woman obviously in the throes of passion. She smiled slightly and closed her eyes again, finding the situation amusing.</p><p>Seska, on the other hand, was not amused. It would be fair to say she was feeling as far away from the sensation as she ever had. Getting angrier as the continued cries of, “Yes. Yes! YES!” Came through the wall before hearing the woman cry out, “Oh Chakotay!”</p><p>The release was mind-blowing, not having felt anything close to it since leaving to command Voyager months ago and heard him cry out his own release, one hand gripping her thigh as the other grasped her hip. He rested his face against her neck, kissing it sporadically as they caught their breath. </p><p>Eventually, his lips found hers again and began kissing her with the same slow passion that ignited the event. She kissed him back, matching his intensity, having forgotten Mark, her sense of reason, and restraint. All that mattered was him and how he was making her feel at this moment. </p><p>The kissing lasted until their lips were swollen from the constant suction. He rolled back onto his side, taking her with him and held her close, feeling completely satisfied and comfortable. She snuggled into him, arms folded between them, her hand resting against his chest. He closed his eyes and listened to the sound of her breath, noting how it evened out before he finally lost the fight and fell into a deep sleep. Later when he awoke happy and content, she was gone.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>If they were to survive this journey, they would have to limit their contact with other species until it was necessary. The Val Jean was an island unto itself. Secrets were luxuries, but not impossible to keep hidden. As luck would have it, Tuvok had been the only person to see her dressed in a towel and helped her make it back to her shared quarters without incident. However, he couldn’t help but notice the silence. </p><p>In the past, she would have at least tried to explain her appearance, now it didn’t seem to matter. He knew how a lot of the Maquis viewed his former Captain, even now she continued to be a source of gossip and ridicule. She had become the living embodiment of Murphy’s law, a cautionary tale of what not to do as Captain. The story becoming more twisted with each retelling.</p><p>She had tried to make a connection with her new crewmates, coming to an understanding quickly that new friends were not in the cards. Out of all the Starfleet personal, he believed it would have been himself and Paris who would find themselves as the outcasts of the group, their previous associations with the Maquis casting them in the poorest lighting possible. However, it had turned out in the end to be their former Captain who became the conduit of all their negative feelings. If there were a friend among them, they hadn’t made themselves known or she didn’t trust their intentions. Feeling they were setting her up only to mock her later. </p><p>The once confident woman who knew what she wanted and who she was meant to be had slowly began to descend into doubt about her place in the universe. The change in her behavior happening gradually. She did not have the benefit of his Vulcan mental training to continue to endure the constant barrage of negative comments directed toward her character. </p><p>The seeds of doubt she had once hoped to plant in the mind of the Maquis to alter their perceptions of how they should view the universe as an opportunity for wonder couldn’t be sown. At least by her. Instead, they had planted their own seed, causing her to doubt herself and begin to believe a lot of the things she was hearing. If one hears the same negative comments often enough, they begin to resign themselves to it. </p><p>He was as worried for her as any Vulcan could allow themselves to be and wondered what kind of woman would emerge by the time they returned to the alpha quadrant. He had been her only friend, the one she came to when life had become overwhelming and difficult to endure and needed to be reminded of who she was. Now their conversations had grown fewer over time. </p><p>She wasn’t depressed, he would have recognized the behavior. Instead, she had begun to grow complacent and accepting of those implied perceptions. It was as though she believed herself to be the woman, she heard described instead of the woman she truly was. This new development was deeply disturbing and wondered if she could, in fact, be saved from surrendering to it completely.</p><p>All she gave Tuvok, in the end, was a simple thank you before entering her shared quarters. Walking back to his own, he considered how he could help her. As much as he had resisted the idea, began to acknowledge that the only choice left to him was one. Deciding he needed to discuss the situation with the only person on board he believed cared enough to help her.</p><p>***</p><p>The feelings of happiness and contentment he awoke with had begun to fade the moment he found himself alone. He shouldn’t care so much, had never really cared about any woman he’d been attracted to or slept with in the past. His choice of lifestyle gave no room for any deeper feelings. It was the way he had preferred it, knowing that if he died, there would be no one left behind who truly mourned his passing. Which in turn meant there was no one he would deeply mourn either. </p><p>Losing friends was different, he was emotionally prepared to accept those losses, knowing they were inevitable. Love was not something he was willing to give; it was one of the reasons he had to break things off with Seska. She was too eager to please, doing everything she could to keep him interested. She wanted to have a baby with him, start a family despite the risks. He had emphatically responded with a no, silently thanking the spirits he made sure to have a supply of contraception injections on hand and was taking them regularly.  </p><p>The more he resisted her demands to advance their relationship, the more unpredictable she became. Her moods would change frequently and often. There were times he sensed there was some dark secret she was struggling with as if she were trying to find the best way to reveal this part of herself no one else knew but wanted him to know and accept. Then just when he noticed a certain look of vulnerability in her eyes, she would search his face, hoping to find the love and acceptance she needed to reveal it, but one he could never provide. It was then she would start an argument, and depending on their location, it would often end with them having rough animalistic sex. </p><p>It had become too mentally and emotionally draining to keep up with. So, he sat her down one evening and explained that he cared about her in his own way, but if she wanted them to stay together there were just some things she would have to accept about their relationship. He wasn’t ever going to bond with her or start a family, much less provide the love she clearly desired. What they had together, he thought, was an understanding that this association was a way of satisfying their sexual needs only. </p><p>She attempted one last time to manipulate his emotions, that he was only scared of the feelings developing between them and how he shouldn’t be afraid to explore them further. She didn’t want to believe he didn’t share her feelings, even though he’d never given her any reason to hope. She was a good time only, a way of relieving tension, sexual or otherwise. Deep down she knew but had refused to accept it. </p><p>The thought she could never possess his heart was pain beyond acceptance, but in the face of his unblinking honesty, angrily had to. They fought, his sexual prowess was put into question, a typical female insult which held no sway over him. He would have had to care enough about her for that to matter. She continued to hurl every insult that came to mind, from his skill as a leader to his ability as a fighter. It was a sad desperate attempt to invoke emotional response because if she had been able to provoke him in any way, it would only serve to fuel the lie she was telling herself. </p><p>When that didn’t work, she resorted to punching, spitting, kicking. If she couldn’t hurt his feelings, then at least she could make him suffer physically. They fought in the small cabin, and there was blood drawn on both sides, but in the end, it only changed the status of their relationship from fuck buddies to nonexistent. She told him it was over and that he would eventually come to regret it. He didn’t. </p><p>But Janeway, on the other hand, did make him feel something. When he awoke to find himself alone, he felt a longing for her presence and a profound sadness by her absence. He didn’t think he’d ever find himself in this position, falling in love, especially with a woman he barely knew but wanted to. It was only then he understood how Seska felt. </p><p>***</p><p>As quietly as possible, she put on a t-shirt, panties, and comfortable stretchy pants before crawling into her bunk. Thankfully she hadn’t awoken or disturbed anyone, especially Chakotay when she left almost an hour later. She lay facing the wall in her bunk and could still feel his kiss on her lips, the taste of his mouth on her tongue, and the musky smell of him on her skin. </p><p>He had stirred something in her she had experienced before with neither Mark nor Justin. A deep desire for closeness, but not just from anyone, only for him. It was a betrayal to everything she promised Mark when she accepted his marriage proposal. He was so far away now, as she was far from the life she once knew. Part of her believed she wouldn’t survive this trip; the Val Jean did not inspire any feelings of hope for a positive outcome. They would either all end up dead or stranded within an arm’s reach of home. It was a denouement she wasn’t keen to endorse, wanting to forget everything she’d been forced to endure but couldn’t help to accept. </p><p>There were few decisions left to her now, unable to plot her own course as she had so many times in the past. Losing her ship, her crew, failing the Ocompa, and all within a week. She thought she was ready for it, had trained and served aboard starships honing her skills, bringing herself one step closer to her own command. When she finally got it, catastrophe had been the result. Perhaps she was never meant to have that life, all her dreams shattering in an instant. In some ways, she felt the Maquis should have let her die there, feeling that sometimes, death was better. </p><p>Regardless of the past, she would have to continue toward the future, one that had been made a little more complicated by allowing herself to sleep with Chakotay. The need for closeness, even fleeting, had been impossible to resist. Not realizing how much she needed an intimate connection. It was more likely, now that she had given into him, he was marking another conquest on his belt, he would move on to the next woman. The thought drove a pain though her heart, knowing she had set herself up for this heartbreak. </p><p>Tears formed in her eyes, and she let them come. No one was watching, a rare moment of privacy if she didn’t alert anyone to their presence. Closing her eyes, she cried, allowing some of the pain she’d been harboring to be released like a safety valve on a plasma container. Needing to release some of the hurt before it had the chance to explode. Bottled emotions could be dangerous, making a person behave unpredictably. She could not allow that to happen for many reasons. Eventually, she slept, but not peacefully, torment over past decisions she couldn’t change invading her dreams.</p><p>***</p><p>Seska waited for Chakotay to leave his cabin to get inside. He had changed his code the moment she broke things off with him, only now realizing it was a ploy to get another woman into his bed. She intended on finding out who she was and make her suffer, as she’d suffered having to listen to her cries of passion and find some way to keep silent.</p><p>She couldn’t imagine any of the Maquis women on board crossing her, having made it extremely clear that even though they were no longer together he was still off-limits. No, this had to be one of the Starfleet crew, what she didn’t know is if it was Lang, Kaplan, Samantha, or Janeway. </p><p>Right off the bat she discounted Samantha, she was almost five months pregnant and even she couldn’t see him with a woman who was not only married but obviously expecting. Besides, O’Donnell was an exceptionally large shadow following her around the ship when they weren’t working. If there were something going on between them O’Donnell most likely would have let the information slip at some point.</p><p>Kaplan was far too young even for Chakotay’s tastes, along with being timid and shy. He defiantly needed someone surer of themselves, bolder, confident, and she was none of those things. So, she was dropped from consideration.</p><p>It either had to be Lang or Janeway. Lane was confident, full of vigor and what appeared to be an endless little ball of energy. Fluttering around the ship doing whatever was asked, within reason. She was in her early thirties, not too young, with stunning Asian features. Janeway on the other hand, though beautiful, did not seem to express the desire to be associated with anyone other than Tuvok. Even he, as of late, was observed less and less in her company. She was the right age though, in her late thirties, but age alone wasn’t going to determine a relationship status. </p><p>Both women had been observed in Chakotay’s company from time to time. Usually during meals in the messhall. Lang would be invited to sit with him at his table when there, where they would talk or tell jokes besides doing the obvious, eating. They even flirted a little on occasion, and the sight of it would anger her enough that she’d have to either interrupt their conversation or leave the room. </p><p>Janeway would choose to sit alone and Chakotay would join her. She rarely kept up a conversation or started one, preferring to keep to herself. It wasn’t surprising really; enough people were gossiping about her that she didn’t want to give anyone a further reason to add dilithium to a warp reaction. If she were a betting woman Lang would be her choice but had to be sure. If she were going to retaliate, she at least had the decency to make sure her aggression was directed toward the right person. </p><p>Using her personal code-cracker, she jacked into the panel and began the process of overriding the lockout code. It would take time, and thankfully, there wasn’t much traffic here this time of day. Finally, the door slid open enough for her to push it back the rest of the way to get inside before using the control pad on the other side to close it. </p><p>Taking the surveillance camera from her pouch, she looked for the best angle that gave her a perfect view of the bed and not be noticed. It also had dark vision so it could still pick up any images even in total darkness along with audio. No hint of a light source would be needed to see as it would for night vision. If any movement was generated in the room, it would begin to record and alert her so she could either watch right then from a synaptic transmitter or save it for later if she couldn’t. Once it was installed, she let herself out and went back to work. Not knowing when the woman might appear next. </p><p>***</p><p>After nearly an hour on the bridge, Captain Chakotay arrived late, appearing a touch forlorn and slightly disheveled. He took his seat on the bridge and began using the chair’s inbuilt notification system to catch up on anything he’d missed since yesterday. Once he had finished, Tuvok approached. Chakotay gave him an odd look, never experiencing the behavior before. </p><p>“May I speak with you in private Captain?” He asked respectfully. </p><p>He wasn’t sure about the request, or what he would possibly want to see him privately about but decided, in the end, to have Tuvok follow him to a small storage room not far from the bridge area. There wasn’t much standing room, but they were alone.</p><p>“So, what could you possibly want to talk to me about?” He asked, leaning over and resting his arm on a crate. </p><p>Tuvok seemed a bit reserved but said, “I am not here for myself. I am here for Janeway.”</p><p>The mention of her name got his attention, “She’s talked to you about what happened last night, and now she’s sent you to let me down easy. Is that it?”</p><p>The Vulcan seemed perplexed, “I am unaware of any interaction which occurred between you yesterday evening. I am here for a different reason.”</p><p>Chakotay felt embarrassed at having indicated that something happened between them, but managed to find a way to squash the feeling before replying again, “Why the need for privacy?”</p><p>If a Vulcan could appear to look uncomfortable, he would, “As you are aware Captain, Janeway and I have been friends for many years. While her behavior over the last few months may depict a woman, who is reserved and anti-social, I can assure you this is not the woman I know. The woman she was is vibrant, confident, and possess a proclivity for compassion and understanding. She was a competent leader. However, the overwhelming bombardment of innuendo, ridicule, and constant attacks on her character has had a cumulative effect on her psyche. “I have observed how you often make time to spend with her. Leading me to conclude that you care about her in some way. As Captain, perhaps there is something you can do to help cease the poor behavior that is currently being directed toward her.”</p><p>Chakotay tilted his head slightly, and gave him an odd look, “This is a Maquis ship Tuvok, I can’t go around putting out fires between my crew unless it becomes a serious problem where I’m given no choice but to step in. You’ve spent time with us before, you know how we operate. Respect must be earned, sometimes at the end of a fist, that’s how the Maquis earns the respect of one another. Even though I do care about her, if I were to step in it would make the situation worse and give the appearance of weakness. If she were my woman, on the other hand, it would be different, it would be expected.”</p><p>Tuvok appeared thoughtful for a moment, “Then perhaps, you should make her your woman as you say. I am concerned that if she continues down her current path it will only lead to her destruction.”</p><p>“What does that mean?” Chakotay asked, a questioning look on his face.</p><p>“Her self-esteem has been severely damaged, and I would not be surprised if she did something which would lead to great harm.”</p><p>He paused in thought, unsure why or if he could reveal his feelings about her. He might have been a traitor once but did have a sense of honor and no proclivity for gossip, “I…more than just care for her. I believe I’ve fallen in love with her, but I can’t seem to break through her shields. I’ll need your help Tuvok if I’m going to reach her in some way, but I’ll need to know more about the kind of person she was rather than the woman she is now. Perhaps then, I can use the information to remind her, and at the same time convince her of my feelings.”</p><p>Tuvok nodded, “Under normal circumstances, I would have declined to share such intimate knowledge. However, in this instance, I do not see another alternative that would produce the desired outcome. So, I will give you the information Captain.”</p><p>“Has she talked to you about me? Shared her feelings?”</p><p>“Not in words, but I have observed physical indicators which have led me to conclude that she also possesses strong feelings for you. One which could be concluded as Shon-ha’Lock, the engulfment. It is the most intense and psychologically perilous form of Eros. I believe your people call it, love and first sight.”</p><p>He felt stunned, “I…didn't think she was in love with me too,” the knowledge changed everything.</p><p>“When and where would you care to meet to further discuss the situation?” Tuvok asked.</p><p>Chakotay had to think for a moment, “I would normally suggest my cabin, but I don’t think it would be a good idea to see you going in or coming out of it.”</p><p>“Indeed.”</p><p>“We should continue to meet here. It’s private, and rarely does anyone come in. Perhaps we can talk this evening at seventeen hundred,” Tuvok gave a nod, “Let’s get back to the bridge before someone comes looking for us,” He agreed, and they left the room. </p><p>***</p><p>He met Tuvok at the agreed-upon time. They used some of it to rearrange the storage room to provide a bit more space so they could sit somewhat comfortably while they spoke. Chakotay locking the door from the inside so they wouldn’t be interrupted. He began to give a summary of the life of Kathryn Janeway. How her father was an Admiral but died in an accident many years ago along with her fiancé Justin. She was the only survivor. </p><p>He provided information on her family, her years of service to the fleet. Some of the things she loved, dogs, science, exploration, discovery, and coffee, lots of coffee. He’d never been a coffee drinker himself, preferring tea instead. However, when he revealed that on her first posting she had been captured by Cardassians along with her former commander Captain Owen Paris, it grabbed his attention. </p><p>She had heard about them as a young girl, her father having to spend many weeks or months away from home dealing with a new and unknowable threat to the Federation. Putting a great deal of strain on their relationship. She loved her father dearly, always seeking his approval, and going to great lengths to win his affections. When he died, she was deeply wounded and entered a severe depression. </p><p>Tuvok had only observed the behavior once before when she ordered a team to survey a volcanic moon. The shuttle had been badly damaged and most of the crew had been critically injured. She returned to the moon alone to complete the survey, wanting them to know their hard work hadn’t been in vain. She could have been killed. </p><p>When she and now Admiral Paris had been captured near a moon close to Cardassian space, he had suffered greatly to the Cardassians, she had been questioned kindly in the beginning but knew it was only a matter of time before their feigned ploys at kindness would turn ugly, and it did. She never went into detail as to what she went through there, but it was how she’d come to care for her rescuer, Justin Tigue, and were engaged to be married a few months later.</p><p>Her current fiancé Mark was someone she grew up with. Over time, her feelings for him began to change and they eventually became engaged. He was not in Starfleet, but a member of a think tank known as the Quester group. There was no way to know how deep in love she was with him, but if his previous interactions with her were any indication, it couldn’t be very. She didn’t strike him as the kind of woman who slept around as he did. Preferring to commit to a single person until such time as either death or circumstances kept them apart.</p><p>In many ways, it seemed she allowed herself to indulge her feelings about him because she had to be lonely, but more so because she didn’t really believe they would make it back to Earth. Taking whatever comfort, she could, knowing how alienated she was from the rest of the crew. Even her fellow Starfleet officers, other than Tuvok, didn’t make any point of trying to provide her with any companionship. They got along well, but that was the extent of their association. </p><p>He felt an aching sadness for her, not really understanding the extent of just how isolated she was being made to feel over the last four months, and she was the kind of woman who would never have mentioned it, especially to him of all people. He had to do something about that, even if it were just him and Tuvok providing any kind of connection she clearly needed until he could come up with a better plan for her to gain the crew’s respect and finally be accepted as one of them. </p><p>He thanked Tuvok for his willingness to offer this personal information and assured him that he would never reveal how he learned of it or abuse it in any way. He loved her too much to ever cause intentional harm. He would put the information to better use, using it to win her trust and her heart.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Janeway was far too consumed with cataloging and organizing the list of core samples and mineral compositions as she worked over one of the consoles in the science lab that she hadn’t paid any attention to the person who entered. It wasn’t surprising, people would come in and out of the lab all day for various reasons, and usually, no words were exchanged between them. The person would just grab what they needed and go. So, when she saw a steaming mug placed on the edge of the console, she couldn’t help but notice.</p><p>Her eyes rose and came to rest on Chakotay’s face. He smiled, and she felt an awkwardness overcome her. Hesitantly she asked, “What’s this?”</p><p>His smile widened, deepening the dimples in his cheeks, “That, my dear, is a substance that consists of eighty-four percent paraxanthine, twelve percent theobromine, and four percent theophylline, with just a splash of caffeine.”</p><p>She smiled despite herself, “How did you manage to get coffee?”</p><p>“I have my sources,” he replied, “I brought it for you. I hope you like it.”</p><p>“I love coffee, but I have a feeling it comes with a price tag.”</p><p>He feigned artlessness, “Okay, you got me. I wanted to see you again, maybe have a special dinner after the messhall closes?” He said picking up the cup and offering it to her.</p><p>Gingerly she took it, smelling its fragrant aroma. God how she missed that smell. Unable to resist, she took a sip. Under other conditions, it would have been the worst cup of coffee she’d ever had in her life, but under the current ones, it was the most delicious, delectable, and velvety substance she’d ever had the pleasure of drinking, making her shudder with delight and satisfaction. </p><p>He couldn’t help but give a slight chuckle, “If I’d known I would get that kind of reaction from you I would have brought you a cup sooner.”</p><p>Her cheeks flushed as she held the cup to her lips to take another sip before replying, suddenly serious, “Why are you being so nice to me?”</p><p>Stepping around the console, he moved close to her, “Isn’t it obvious? Don’t you feel the connection between us? I felt it the moment we met,” He allowed his voice to become softer, leaning in close to her ear as he placed his hand on the small of her back, their bodies barely touching, “I knew for sure you felt the same way when we made love. I wanted to please you in a way I’ve never wanted to with anyone else because I’ve fallen in love with you.”</p><p>She felt the air catch in her throat and her heart stop momentarily. Her hands set down the cup on the edge of the console for fear of dropping it, “You don’t know me, much less be in love with me,” Janeway replied just as softly. </p><p>His hand began to rub her back slowly, “I want to. I want to know everything there is to know about you.”</p><p>“Why, so you can use it against me? Haven’t I given you enough to gossip about already? Anything further would be overkill. Besides, you’ve got another notch on your belt, so I fail to see the point,” She replied stiffly, trying to hold back the hurt she’s been feeling, the embarrassment of being used as a means of entertainment.</p><p>He turned her toward him and held her around the waist. Locking eyes with her asked carefully, “Is that what you think I wanted? That I just wanted to use you and toss you aside? If that’s really what you think then perhaps you need to get to know me a little better. I knew, from the moment you came aboard my ship you would be my undoing, just not in the way I expected. I can’t stop thinking about you, wanting you, needing to be in your presence. When I woke up to find you gone it hurt, I had gone to sleep looking forward to the thought of waking up with you in my arms.</p><p>“I’m not looking for a fuck buddy. What I’m looking for is a woman who’s beautiful, intelligent, sexy, and makes me feel like I’m the luckiest man in the universe when I’m with her. That’s you Janeway, I won’t accept anyone less.”</p><p>She stared up at him feeling stunned and overwhelmed, her eyes glistening. That night, he had made her feel special, loved, desired. He went out of his way to please her, give her what she needed emotionally and physically. She could tell by his kiss he felt something for her, the way his hands roamed her body, his lips soft and firm on her neck. The fingers of his hand caressing her skin delicately as if she were made of the finest silk. </p><p>They had been so in tune with each other, seeming to know what they needed or wanted while the other applied the means. It was a connection she’d never had with anyone, and she knew she loved him more than she could ever have or could love Mark. However, if she were wrong, it would be a mistake she wasn’t sure she would recover from. Was she willing to take that chance?</p><p>Staring deep into his eyes she replied, “Call me Kathryn,” before kissing him, and through that kiss, he was showing her how much he loved her, wanted her, needed her. Perhaps it was time to let go and allow herself to put her trust into someone again instead of remaining closed off. Perhaps, it was time to let go of Mark and let him find someone who could make him feel all the things Chakotay was making her feel, that she needed to feel. </p><p>There was a banging on the door and a muffled shout from the other side, “Hey Janeway, open the door. B’Elanna sent me over here to get a copy of the data you collected on the core samples. Do you hear me, Janeway?” The male voice demanded. </p><p>They broke apart, each laughing softly by the interruption. He held her by the waist and asked, “So, are we on for dinner tonight Kathryn?”</p><p>“Yes,” she replied with a soft smile, “Now go before he breaks the door down.”</p><p>Giving her a quick kiss, he headed for the door and unlocked it, having locked it when he came in to prevent this very interruption. When the door opened, Kurt Bendera’s demeanor changed the moment he saw Chakotay’s face, “I’m sorry Chakotay, I thought…”</p><p>“I needed to have a private conversation with Janeway in order to resolve and issue, we’re finished now,” he answered, making himself sound perturbed. Appearances were everything. Then he walked past him. </p><p>Janeway didn’t meet Kurt’s eyes when he entered the room, only focused on the console in front of her and forced her voice to return to the neutral state her fellow crewmates were used to, “You were saying you needed a copy of my work?”</p><p>“Yes,” he answered slowly, unsure if he was going to get a chewing out by Chakotay later for the interruption. </p><p>“Here,” she said looking up, offering him a padd with the information, “if she needs anything else, she knows where to find me.”</p><p>He nodded and took it from her before quickly leaving the room. Once he was gone, she breathed a sigh of relief and picked up the cup of coffee on the console, even cold, would be a crime to waste.</p><p>***</p><p>Chakotay had returned later in the afternoon to let her know what time she should come to the messhall. Twenty-two hundred. On the way, she thought someone would see her, but no one did thankfully. Knocking gently on the door, it opened just enough for her to squeeze her body through the gap. Once she was in, he pushed it closed and locked it. Turning to face him, he kissed her gently and took her hand. </p><p>On the table were two places along with two steaming cups. She didn’t think they had any plates on board, never having seen them until now. She smiled as he held out her chair for her. What she noticed were two servings of rehydrated eggs and sliced tomatoes. On the table was a solitary lit candle that was lit but had seen better days. </p><p>“Are these…?” The words trailed off, she was surprised and stunned.</p><p>“If you’re going to say Starfleet ration packs, then yes,” he said with a soft smile.</p><p>“I take it they were stolen.”</p><p>“You’ve seen this ship, right? Half of what’s onboard was procured by a five-finger discount,” He joked lightly, causing a suppressed laugh from her. They would have to be quiet if they didn’t want to draw attention to themselves. </p><p>“You haven’t noticed the mugs yet.” </p><p>She picked it up and recognized the fragrant smell anywhere, “Hmm Coffee.” </p><p>“I know it’s not much, but it’s better than goop.”</p><p>“I’m actually becoming rather fond of it,” she said picking up her fork and noticed him sitting still, just staring at her knowingly. Giving a soft laugh she replied, “Fine, I’m growing to tolerate it,” he smiled and picked up his own fork. Compared to what they’ve been eating, the ration pack meals where like a treat in fine dining. </p><p>There was silence for a time before Chakotay asked, “What do you miss most about Earth?”</p><p>“Besides the food and coffee?” She asked.</p><p>He nodded with a smile, “Besides that.”</p><p>She thought about it for a moment, her priorities changing since her arrival, “I’m not certain anymore. My mother and sister, I suppose.”</p><p>“Not your fiancé?” He asked surprised by the exclusion. She ignored the question and asked the same of him, “Freedom.”</p><p>“Care to elaborate?”</p><p>“Due to the nature of my association with the Maquis, and the more well-known I become back there makes it difficult for me to do anything other than stay hidden. I can’t watch the sunrise over the Arizona desert or swim in the Gulf of Mexico on a warm summer’s day anymore. It’s the little things I miss.” He allowed silence to fall between them once again as he watched her face, her mind going back to Earth and the life she used to know there, “I noticed you only mentioned your mother and a sister. Is there a reason why your father wasn’t mentioned?”</p><p>Her face went slack, devoid of emotion, “He’s dead.”</p><p>Reaching across the table he placed his hand over hers, “I’m sorry Kathryn.”</p><p>“It’s alright, it was a long time ago,” she explained, but he could see she was trying not to let it bother her, “I noticed you didn’t mention your parents at all.”</p><p>He nodded, “They’re dead, senselessly killed by the Cardassian’s.”</p><p>“Why?” She asked, really wanting to know more.</p><p>“The Federation in its infinite wisdom,” he said sarcastically, “agreed to make the planets near their space available for Cardassian’s to use under the guise that those planets used to belong to them in the first place. So, they conceded, allowing them to occupy the planet and advised their Federation colonists they would have to go elsewhere. People, like my tribe, have spent generations there, cultivating the land and building a community they could be proud of. Their entire lives were invested in the colony. Now to try and maintain peace with the Cardassian’s we’re supposed to walk away and give it all up to go where?”</p><p>It was a tough situation, she remembered hearing about the decision and not supporting it, but she was a Starfleet officer. She had a duty to uphold the law even if she didn’t necessarily agree with it. She’d had her own experiences with the Cardassian’s, and it was they who had usurped so much of her father’s time.</p><p>“I was still in Starfleet then, and I asked my parents to leave, advising them that they could start over elsewhere. They were adamant about staying, the colony was theirs and as far as the Federation was concerned, they couldn’t expect people to just give up their lives and start over. It was also the sense of community, history, it was home, and no one was going to tell them they had to abandon it.</p><p>“So, when I heard about the attack on the colony, I left to see if I could find my parents and bring them back to Federation territory. When I arrived, those that we're unable to escape the slaughter lay dead. So many of the friends I grew up with, my family, neighbors, wiped out in an instant so the Cardassians could build a listening post to spy on the Federation. I was incensed.</p><p>“I went back to see the Federation council, hoping to make them see reason. Trying to explain that what they had asked the colonies to do was too large a sacrifice and they needed to do something to help stop a similar situation from happening. I was told, unsympathetically I might add, that the colonists were given plenty of time to leave and had been offered passage onto other worlds where they could start over. If they chose not to utilize that offer and stay, however unfortunate the outcome, they put themselves in that position. If the Cardassians did not want them there and chose to use excessive force to resolve the issue it was their right and there was nothing the Federation could do about it.</p><p>“So, I left Starfleet and decided that if they weren’t going to do anything about it I would. That’s how I found the Maquis, we declared war on them, unwilling to allow what they’d done to go unpunished. What we learned about what they had been doing to the Bajorans only fueled the fire. The secret occupation they had been inflicting on them. Members of the Maquis tried to get the information to the Federation, to let them know what was happening but it was either being ignored or they just didn’t care. Either way, it could continue, and we were not prepared to stand by and let it go on.</p><p>“If my actions or the actions of any of the Maquis inconvenienced the Federation’s diplomatic plans and that makes us outlaws and criminals, then so be it. I’d rather die knowing I was doing what was right instead of what’s convenient. I really don’t give a damn what was politically correct. People were being murdered because they wanted to keep their homes, families, and communities intact. The Bajorans were being rounded up like animals and being tortured, experimented on, and none of us were going to stand for it. Just as they didn’t stand for it when Hitler’s death camps were discovered in World War II. </p><p>“No one told or blamed them for not finding a way out. No one said it was the German's right to treat them any way they wanted, and it wasn’t up to foreign governments to tell them otherwise. When they started taking land claiming it was their right as Germans to have it, no one sat back and let it happen without a fight. What was happening in my mind, in all our minds, was what the Cardassian’s were doing was wrong and they needed to be stopped.”</p><p>He fell silent, no longer having an appetite. From his perspective, Janeway understood where he was coming from, and certainly hadn’t been privy to all the information he disclosed. It made her appreciate and understand him better, the way his mind worked. Had something similar happened to her she might have been doing the same thing, it was not out of the realm of possibility. She was so far removed from that life now, having to live hand to mouth and hoping that they’d get through the next five minutes let alone the two-year timetable that began this journey. </p><p>Reaching out her hand, she took his, “I can’t say I can personally identify with everything you’ve mentioned or gone though, only have a vicarious understanding of it. I was lucky enough not to have been directly exposed, but my father had to deal with the Cardassians for many years once the Federation learned of them. I did have one direct experience which certainly helped shape my own impressions.”</p><p>“What happened?” He asked cautiously.</p><p>“It was my first posting; I was with then Captain Owen Paris who was also my mentor at the time. We had set up some equipment on a Federation moon near Cardassian space, the official story was that we were on a scientific expedition to capture readings on massive halo objects. Unofficially, it was also a fact-finding mission on the Cardassians to run surveillance, which I was not made aware of until the team was on the shuttle. </p><p>“We were captured by the Cardassians, and I remember waking up in what might be better described as a cage rather than a cell. My body was frozen, the floor having absorbed most of my body heat. I remember hearing a man screaming, the sound going through me, and hitting me on a level I’d never experienced before. I tried to block it out, but it was still there, haunting me, terrifying me.</p><p>“When it finally ended, one of the Cardassians came and retrieved me and took me to an interrogation room. I had heard what they sometimes do to their female prisoners, and I was doing my best to prepare myself for it, as much as someone can be prepared anyway. They questioned me gently at first, treated my head wound, but they didn’t believe me when I told them I didn’t know anything about the surveillance equipment. I’d only found out about it myself just before we were captured. There wasn’t much I could tell them even if I had wanted to. </p><p>They became frustrated with my responses and pulled off the bandage, hitting the wound with their fist and making it begin to bleed again. It didn’t seem to take long before they showed their true colors. They dragged me back to my cage and that’s when I saw the Captain. He needed serious medical attention, the injuries he’d sustained from the crash, and prolonged torture only increased my fear of the situation. I didn’t think either of us would get out of there alive.</p><p>“Eventually we were rescued, but Admiral Paris was never the same after that. The experience had changed him, both of us if I’m being completely honest. I’ve seen their cruelty firsthand, so I knew what they were capable of. It’s one of the main reasons I never truly agreed with the Federation's decision to surrender those colonies to the Cardassians, but I had to follow orders.”</p><p>“And how do you feel now?” He asked, searching her face.</p><p>She didn’t answer right away, pondering the question for a while before answering, “I don’t believe they can be reasoned with. They’re far too paranoid and egocentric to ever get along with other races whose philosophies differ from their own. I’ve been trained to believe that it’s the Federation's job to make peace and be tolerant of other species, but I find myself questioning those ideas in this case. The Cardassians are a race of manipulators. They use deception as often as one might use a replicator. They have no ability to trust anyone, even each other. How can any species hope to survive under those conditions, let alone thrive?”</p><p>He shook his head slowly, “I don’t know, it really shouldn’t be possible,” he answered and looked up at her, “I’m sorry for ruining the mood.”</p><p>Meeting his gaze, she smiled, “You didn’t. I’m glad I got to know you a little better. It makes me feel closer to you.”</p><p>“Same,” he replied with a soft smile, “How about we finish our meal and then go back to my cabin. Nothing has to happen that you don’t want, but I would just be satisfied waking up tomorrow with you in my arms.” She nodded, feeling the same way. </p><p>Once they reached the cabin, it didn’t take long before they’d changed their minds as each of them began to undress the other. Before long, they were both nude with Kathryn sitting on top of him. She wanted to bring him the same slow build-up to the pleasure he had given her. Slowly she moved her hips and his hands caressed her body, his hands continuously coming back to her hips to help keep the rhythm going. </p><p>As he gazed up at her face, he found her beautiful, sensual, captivating. He wanted to keep her like this forever but knew it was impossible. He found himself being pushed closer to completion by every soft sigh or moan she released. Pushing himself up, they shifted their positions slightly so he could have full access to her body as she continued to move against him.</p><p>He kissed her neck, caressed her supple skin, fondled her breasts as his lips moved against hers. She touches him just as gently, her hands moving to stroke any part of him she could reach. The taste of his skin, the smell of him. She wanted to know him, really know him as intimately as any person could, and he seemed to be doing the same. Taking his time to find all the little areas on her body that drove her crazy. </p><p>Whispering words of love against her ear, encouraging her toward rapture, promises of a future together were exchanged regardless of the complications. He wanted to bond with her, start a family when they were home, and she was eager to agree, all the while driving each other into a frenzy of love and passion. She convulsed against him, his hands holding her steady as her head fell back, releasing several soft moans, including his name. </p><p>The way she’d whispered it pushed him over the edge, his arms wrapping tightly around her, his face buried in her chest, his hips pushing up against her. He felt complete gratification and a sense of peace he hadn’t felt in years. She was the one, the woman he thought he’d ever be lucky enough to find. She felt whole at this moment as if all the pieces she didn’t know were missing had suddenly been put in place. He was everything she’d ever need or want, the way he’d moaned her name only confirmed those feelings and was determined to hang on to him regardless of the cost. Finding herself wanting to give him everything he desired. A wife, children, a home. It was something she was happy to give to the right man, and despite how they met, he was the right man.  </p><p>They fell asleep, holding each other, looking forward to a dream. It might not be realistic, or even possible to accomplish, but for now, it was enough to have something to reach for. Tomorrow would have to solve itself.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seska hadn’t heard the notification during the night, or the couple on the other side of the wall. It wasn’t until she awoke the next morning that she noticed the soft beep of the synaptic receiver. She waited until the rest of her cabin mates had left before attaching it and playing back the video. All she’d managed to catch so far was Chakotay alone, which was what she wanted but came no closer to discovering who the woman was.</p>
<p>When the video started, she was surprised to see Janeway, her instincts telling her it was Lang. She watched as they undressed each other before getting onto the bed with her on top. It made her angry, but not as much as what she eventually became as the video continued.</p>
<p>The way they touched each other, professed their love of the other. He’d never touched her that way or tried to make her feel desired, loved, or special. When he said he wanted to bond with her, have children with her, build a home for the two of them, it pushed her beyond mere anger and into a blind rage. Immediately she pulled off the receiver and threw it across the room. It smashed against the wall as she jumped down from her bunk. </p>
<p>She’d been with him for over a year, had done everything to please him. In the beginning, it was only a ploy to get close enough to learn his secrets for the Cardassians, but before she knew it, she found herself in love with him. She wanted to be honest, tell him she was a Cardassian agent but never could, knowing he would never accept her if he knew the truth. The idea of having a baby with him, though something she greatly desired, could never happen. She might be able to disguise her appearance but not that of their child.</p>
<p>Still, it didn’t change anything. Her heart still wanted him, and she wasn’t prepared to share him with anyone. If she killed her it would wound him as deeply as he’d wounded, her. Without further thought or consideration of her plan, fueled by an uncontrollable rage, she left the cabin and headed for the messhall, knowing she would be there for their morning goop. </p>
<p>Her eyes scanned the room for her the moment she entered. Seeing her sitting alone, she headed for her, and without so much as a word grabbed her by the hair and slammed her face into the table in front of her. People scattered, backing up to give them room, watching the events unfold.</p>
<p>Janeway had just managed to hit her forehead, based on how far back she was sitting at the time. Seska attempted to push down on her head again, this time, Janeway slammed her elbow into her stomach, forcing Seska to let go of her hair and began to bend over. When she did, Janeway stood up and with both hands brought them down on the back of her neck. Causing her to fall onto the floor.</p>
<p>She backed up, waiting to see if this was the last of it, feeling confused as to why she was being attacked in the first place. Seska pushed herself up and came at her again, her fists expertly punching but Janeway managed to skillfully block the strikes with either her forearm or hand, ending with a counterstrike that hooked her foot around Seska’s and pulled toward her, knocking her off balance before landing a solid uppercut to her jaw and making her bite her tongue.</p>
<p>Seska stumbled but didn’t fall. She began to circle her, looking for a weakness in her defense as she spat blood from her mouth. “What the hell is wrong with you?” Janeway asked.</p>
<p>“Chakotay is mine!” She said pointing a finger at her, “You will stay away from him!” With a scream, she managed to catch her with a leg sweep she was unprepared for. The revelation of what Seska was angry about presenting her with the right distraction.</p>
<p>Landing on her back, she felt the air being knocked out of her as she saw stars the moment her head hit the floor. Seska stood over her and began giving her kidney punches. The pain barely registered for Janeway, her paralyzed lungs taking the bulk of her attention. When she felt herself being able to breathe again, could then feel the pain in her sides.</p>
<p>As Seska straddled her, Janeway used the opportunity and fought through the pain. Grabbing her upper arms, she jammed both feet into her pelvis and used her leg muscles to push her up as hard as she could. Making her perform a flip and land on a couple of the Maquis that were watching. Janeway let go and turned around to stomp on her chest, knocking the wind out of her. </p>
<p>“Chakotay makes his own decisions. Now stay down,” she said holding her side. Thinking she must have at least one or two broken ribs. </p>
<p>Seska wheezed as the noise of the crowd got steadily louder, they began shouting a rhythmic chant, “Janeway! Janeway!” </p>
<p>Chakotay was returning from the Common toilets when he heard the chant and began running toward the messhall where he’d left her. Once inside, he pushed through the crowd to see Janeway holding her side as she stood over Seska who was lying on the floor wheezing. He wouldn’t get involved unless Janeway was losing, she needed this chance to find acceptance from the crew. If he broke it up, they would ridicule her for it. He silently conveyed strength and resolve, hoping she would be able to see this through to the end. </p>
<p>She kept her eyes on Seska when she rolled onto her stomach and pushed herself up releasing a string of words that only shocked the people who heard them. Janeway brought up her knee and slammed it into Seska’s face as hard as she could, needing to end this one way or the other. She could feel herself beginning to pass out, the pain in her side sent a wave of nausea and made the world go hazy, the move had caused something in her side to go somewhere it shouldn’t.</p>
<p>Seska fell back to the floor and didn’t move. Janeway began to walk toward the door and locked eyes with Chakotay, seeing a proud smile. She made her way to him and planted a victory kiss on his lips before her eyes closed and the world fell away. </p>
<p>Catching her he called out, “Alright! Shows over! Let’s get these two to Smithee and get back to work!” He ordered. </p>
<p>“I got this.” O’Donnell said, and picked up Janeway easily, “Great fight. Didn’t know she had it in her,” he commented, obviously impressed by her skill before heading out, “Congrats Captain, you found a keeper.” Chakotay gave him a smile as Suder and Tabor picked up Seska and followed without comment, Chakotay just behind.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>“Seska’s going to be fine. She’ll feel like a tenderized piece of meat for a few days though,” Smithee said, “Janeway, on the other hand, is going to be a little bit more of a challenge.”</p>
<p>“How so?” Chakotay asked worriedly. He didn’t like the tone in her voice.</p>
<p>“She had three broken ribs, but that’s not the issue, it’s where one of them went.”</p>
<p>“What’s the problem?”</p>
<p>She pulled out what looked like an old-fashioned MRI, but with much better resolution, “See this?” She said pointing to the bottom of Janeway’s lung, “It’s been punctured. We set the ribs and repaired the fractures, and Paris and I have managed to do a patch job on the lung, so she’s not in immediate danger of dying if we keep her unconscious. If she moves, she’ll pull the stitching loose and her lung will collapse again.”</p>
<p>“How do we fix it?” He almost demanded.</p>
<p>“We don’t,” She stated flatly.</p>
<p>He was stunned, “What do you mean we don’t?”</p>
<p>“Chakotay, I’m not trying to be melodramatic here. She’s in real trouble. We don’t have the equipment or the supplies to repair an injury like this. We knew from the beginning something like this could happen.”</p>
<p>Yes, they did, but it wasn’t supposed to happen to her, not when they just found each other and made a commitment, “What do you need? Give me a list,” He said hurriedly.</p>
<p>“We already made one, but I don’t know where you’re going to find all this out here. You might want to consider making friends with someone,” She suggested.</p>
<p>“And offer them what? We don’t have anything of value except our skills.”</p>
<p>“Then you might want to consider putting them in use because she’s going to need it,” Smithee replied, not unsympathetic, “I know how you two feel about each other, I heard about what happened in the messhall, and if she somehow pulls through this she’s going to have gained a lot of the crew’s respect and several new friends. But you must be prepared for the worst,” She said placing a hand on his shoulder, “You know me, I don’t say these things for dramatic effect. I’ve never bullshitted you in the past and I’m not going to start now. I can perform the surgery, but if you can’t get everything on this list or find someone who can help, she’s as good as dead.”</p>
<p>At this moment, he felt he’d already lost her, and Smithee seemed to understand where his mind was going, “Just do what you have to. I’ll do everything I can to keep her alive, you know that.” </p>
<p>He did know it, other than B’Elanna and now Janeway, Smithee was the one person he trusted more than any other, “I’m going to either find these items, steal them if I have to, or I’m going to find someone who can fix this. She’s not going to die on me. I won’t allow it.”</p>
<p>Smithee knew when he was motivated and determined to get something done, he did it. It was very rare he didn’t succeed, “Then I suggest you get going Tonto.”</p>
<p>Chakotay laughed, “You watch way too many old vids.”</p>
<p>“Don’t knock my Lone Ranger. A mysterious hot man wearing a mask riding a white horse floods my basement.” </p>
<p>Chakotay rolled his eyes, “There are some things I don’t need to know about you Ann, that was one of them.”</p>
<p>“Then don’t talk shit about my vids,” She replied indignantly, “Don’t you have someplace to be? Other than here?”</p>
<p>“Yes ma’am,” He said giving her a strained worried smile and left the room.</p>
<p>There was no way in hell he was going to let her die. He would declare war on the whole damn quadrant if he had to. Steal everything that wasn’t phasered down. She was someone he wasn’t prepared to lose, ever.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Ayala and B’Elanna found Chakotay in the corridor outside of sickbay, there were some things Seska did during the fight that raised a couple of red flags, and they needed to make Chakotay aware of it. Even though B’Elanna and Seska were best friends, she couldn’t dismiss the signs, needing to know she was exactly who she claimed to be. </p>
<p>“Chakotay, we need to talk, now,” B’Elanna said.</p>
<p>“I’m a little busy at the moment,” he said hurriedly.</p>
<p>“This can’t wait. You’ll want to hear this.”</p>
<p>B’Elanna wasn’t the kind of person who insisted on talking about anything. She’d rather punch the crap out of it. So, if she said he needed to hear something it had to be important, “Okay, what is it?”</p>
<p>She looked around, “Not here, you’ll want to hear this in private.”</p>
<p>“I’m headed to the bridge; the science lab is on the way. Janeway won’t be working there for a bit so we can talk.”</p>
<p>They agreed and followed, “So, how is she?” Ayala asked. </p>
<p>“No so good. She’s got a punctured lung. Smithee says she can fix it, but we don’t have what we need. I’m going to have to find it.”</p>
<p>“She’s got some serious skills though,” B’Elanna said, “I didn’t know she had it in her. Definitely put Seska in her place.”</p>
<p>Ayala laughed, “You got that right. Did you see that uppercut she gave her? Priceless.”</p>
<p>“Sorry I missed it,” Chakotay said as they walked, trying not to let his worry seep though. He needed to be confident and in control for the sake of the crew. To appear weak was not an option.</p>
<p>“Messed her up pretty good. You should be proud Chakotay,” B’Elanna commented.</p>
<p>“I am, very proud. Perhaps now you’ll all stop talking shit about her,” He replied.</p>
<p>B’Elanna and Ayala looked somewhat ashamed at having been called out on it, “We didn’t know the two of you were together. When did that happen?” B’Elanna asked.</p>
<p>“Not too long ago, but Seska better get used to the idea. I’ll be having a talk with her when she wakes up,” Chakotay stated.</p>
<p>“You might be talking to her about more than that after we tell you what we noticed during the fight,” Ayala said. </p>
<p>Chakotay gave him a strange look but held off any questions until they reached the lab. Once they were inside, he locked the door. “Okay, what did you notice during the fight?”</p>
<p>“Ayala and I were talking afterward, neither of us noticed it at once, but after comparing notes it only brought up more questions.”</p>
<p>“Such as?”</p>
<p>“Her fighting style for one,” Ayala said, I’ve never seen her use those moves before. She fought like a Cardassian, the skill she showed suggested years of training. It wasn’t like she just picked them up casually, these moves were very specific and not part of the standard military training we normally see, it’s what they train their interrogators and infiltrators in.”</p>
<p>“What’s the other?”</p>
<p>“After Janeway knocked her down the second time when she pushed herself up, she started speaking fluent Cardassian. I could only pick out a word here and there, but we don’t have anyone in our group who’s ever claimed to know their language. Even the other Bajorans don’t speak more than just a few simple phrases, and most of them spent a lot of time with the Cardassians because of the occupation. Something is off about her Chakotay, and as much as it pains me to say it because she’s my best friend, but we think she might be a Cardassian agent. We’ve had a few of those from time to time, but never in our unit before. At least that we know of.” B’Elanna said.</p>
<p>Chakotay nodded, “I’ll check it out. While I do, I need you to do something for me B’Elanna.”</p>
<p>“You only have to ask.”</p>
<p>He smiled, “I need to see if you can get a few people to start searching for the items on this list. We might have some of them in storage and didn’t know it. We haven’t exactly unpacked everything that’s been crated and did an inventory. Then I want you to start looking for a somewhat populated world with a decent tech level in case we don’t already have the supplies. Smithee needs them to repair Janeway’s punctured lung, otherwise, she’s gonna die, and I have no intention of letting that happen.”</p>
<p>“It’s as good as done,” B’Elanna replied, and Chakotay always admired her confidence.</p>
<p>“Thank you both for coming to me with this. If Seska is an infiltrator, it’s better we know it now before she’s released from sickbay.”</p>
<p>*** </p>
<p>When Chakotay arrived back to sickbay, he noticed Lon Suder standing next to Seska’s bed, staring down at her. “I didn’t know the two of you were close?” He said approaching him.</p>
<p>Lon Suder could be a very nice guy, but he always gave Chakotay the creeps. It wasn’t that he did anything wrong, it was just when it came to killing Cardassians he was a little too good at it and took far too much pleasure in their deaths.</p>
<p>“We’re not. Merely observing,” He answered in that same strange soft cadence he got every time they were going into hand to hand combat with the Cardassians.</p>
<p>“What would you be observing? She’s asleep,” Chakotay said moving up to the opposite side of the bed.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe she is. I think she’s pretending. Waiting, listening.”</p>
<p>Suder always had a six sense about these things, but he was a Betazoid, “Go ahead and wake her. I need to talk to her anyway.”</p>
<p>He did, shaking her shoulder. After a few seconds, she opened her eyes with a groan, feeling sore all over. Her eyes blinked innocently, “Chakotay, I’m so happy to see you,” She said, allowing herself to believe he was here for her and put this whole business about Janeway aside. When she saw the look on his face, knew she was wrong.</p>
<p>“I have some questions for you,” He said seriously.</p>
<p>“What kind of questions?” She was worried, her mind going back to see if she could determine if there was anything, he could question her on. Fighting over him would hardly cause him to be looking at her this way. He might not like it, but he wouldn’t ask her questions, only berate her for doing it in the first place. They’d had this talk before on the first day Janeway and the others were taken on board.</p>
<p>“Some things members of the crew noticed during the fight.”</p>
<p>“Such as?” She asked, truly unsure as to what he was talking about. She had been so enraged at the time she couldn’t remember half the things she did or said.</p>
<p>“Well, for instance, your fight stance for one. It was recognized as being a very particular Cardassian fighting style, one not often used, and from what I’ve been told, the level of skill you demonstrated indicated you’ve had years of practice. Not to mention that you also spoke Cardassian fluently. It’s very interesting how neither of the things came up in the last year and a half we’ve known each other.”</p>
<p>She looked perplexed, “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What Cardassian fighting style would that be? I have been around Cardassians my whole life during the occupation, isn’t it the least bit reasonable to conclude that I may have picked up on a lot of their techniques. The prophets know I’ve seen them use it often enough, I’ve even had it used on me. As far as speaking fluent Cardassian I wouldn’t say I was fluent. I have picked up a lot of their language, I apparently have a good ear for it, but that doesn’t mean anything. I’m not sure what you’re suggesting by asking me any of this.”</p>
<p>“Isn’t it obvious? You could be an infiltrator. It’s not unheard of, especially now while the Maquis have been at war with them for a couple of years. Whether I can prove it is not the issue. What I can do, is make life very uncomfortable for you on this ship. If you come near Janeway again, I will make certain that the seeds of doubt about your identity spread. If that happens, it’s not going to be a matter of what anyone is able to verify. The crew will not only shun you, but they might start taking matters into their own hands. Do we understand each other?”</p>
<p>“Perfectly,” she answered, her face turning pale. </p>
<p>“Good,” he replied with a slow comfortable smile, “not get some rest.”</p>
<p>He tilted his head to the side, indicating that Suder follow him. Once they were out of Seska’s earshot he said quietly, “Keep a close eye on her. I don’t trust her as far as I could pick up the Val Jean and hurl it into the sun. If she tries anything, does anything which confirms our suspicions, take her out and make it look like an accident if possible, we don’t want the crew thinking we have a killer on the loose,” Suder smiled at that, “For now, stay here and keep an eye on her and make sure she doesn’t get anywhere near Janeway. Understood?” He nodded, “I’ll be on the bridge.”</p>
<p>Chakotay didn’t know it yet, but he’d just made Suder’s day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>B’Elanna greeted Chakotay with a smile once he entered the bridge, “You’re not going to believe this.”</p>
<p>“I take it you have good news.”</p>
<p>“Better,” she said pleased.</p>
<p>“Better than good news?” He asked sounding a little confused.</p>
<p>“It’s fucking fantastic news.”</p>
<p>“I stand corrected,” He said and gestured for her to continue. Her smile infectious.</p>
<p>“We actually do have almost all of the supplies onboard.”</p>
<p>“This is fantastic news, but what are we missing?”</p>
<p>“We don’t have the compounds Smithee needs to regenerate the damaged alveoli in Janeway’s lungs. However, I was able to locate a planet in the area populated by a species whose technology is on par with the Federations. They might have it.”</p>
<p>He could sense there was a catch, “Why do I get the feeling you’re about to tell me something I don’t want to hear.”</p>
<p>“Because you know me too well,” she replied, still smiling.</p>
<p>“Okay,” he said motioning his hand for her to continue, “spit it out.”</p>
<p>“They appear to be a closed system; they don’t like outsiders.”</p>
<p>“Then we’ll have to find a way to crash their unwelcome sign and go help ourselves to the fine china.”</p>
<p>She laughed, knowing that’s the response he would give, “We’ll see what we can do to get a better idea of what they look like and where they might keep those kinds of supplies, but I won’t promise anything.”</p>
<p>“I wouldn’t believe you if you did,” He replied with a laugh of his own, “Let’s get started.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Three days later, Janeway was still in a medical coma but stable. Seska had been released but gained more ridicule after losing the fight. It seemed as if everyone was suddenly on the Janeway scuttle shuttle, especially after she’d kissed Chakotay in front of everyone before passing out. Once more of the crew knew what the fight had really been about, they sided with Janeway, now knowing she and the Captain were together. </p>
<p>Suder hovered around Janeway nearly the entire time she was in sickbay, and if he wasn’t there it was O’Donnell or Tabor. Life had gotten worse once she was released, most of the people she had an association or friendship with didn’t seem so keen on being seen in her presence. Even B’Elanna had been avoiding her whenever possible. </p>
<p>If Janeway survived or not, she couldn’t spend the rest of the trip being treated this way. It took months to build the relationships and close friendships she had, and now it had vanished because she let her anger get the best of her. It was one of the worst Cardassian traits right beside paranoia.</p>
<p>Chakotay was in the middle of planning a mission to go to a nearby system to get a medical compound that was needed for Janeway’s recovery. If he couldn’t obtain it, she would die. This was all that was left to her. One final opportunity to spoil his plans and wound his heart in the process, because he had broken hers and threatened to tell everyone she was a Cardassian, regardless if he could prove it or not, people believed the things he said. If that happened, her life would not just figuratively be over but literally. For now, she would have to wait for her chance and stay out of the way. </p>
<p>The Val Jean wasn’t in fighting shape. Hell, it was barely in flying shape. Their fight with the Cardassians months ago before being taken to the delta quadrant had done a decent job of fucking up their already tenuous engine output. Once they’d made it there and worked with Janeway to get B’Elanna back before being allowed to use the array once Voyager was gone, they spent a lot of time repairing their engines. Using every spare part, they had and, in the end, had to get the raw materials to fabricate more so they were at least space worthy.</p>
<p>They had no more torpedoes, having lobbed the last of them at the Cardassians in the badlands. Their phasers were an extremely unfunny joke. They were shit, even at full power, they wouldn’t get through the shields of any decent ship. It was pathetic really, but somehow, they had managed to get by so far. Chakotay needed that luck again, only this time he needed it to save someone dear to him. </p>
<p>The planet was far away from the beaten path of most space travel. Which is how he wanted it. There was no need to go out of the way to expose themselves needlessly. At this point, boring and dull were his two best friends the moment they started on this journey, and he planned on keeping them around if possible.</p>
<p>The large colony’s planetary defense network wasn’t very sophisticated. He’d expected better, a lot better, especially from a race that didn’t want strangers knocking on their door. It had the effectiveness of a no trespassing sign. Technically yes, it got the point across but didn’t do anything to stop someone from walking in. </p>
<p>B’Elanna was able to match their shield frequency to the network and boom, they were in, with no one the wiser. The hard part now would be getting to their medical complex without being noticed. They would have to do some recon before trying, getting an idea of what the colonists looked like and how they dressed before tackling any of the bigger issues like; How to get into the complex? Did they need an access code? Could it be hacked without tripping an alarm? Could they simply just walk inside?</p>
<p>Chakotay and Nozawa left to scout out the area while the rest of them waited as patiently as they could. They were far enough from the colony they didn’t have to worry about being overheard. The recon team would be given two hours to look around and see what they could see before heading back to the ship.</p>
<p>When they didn’t return at the appointed time, B’Elanna began to worry, fearing something had gone horribly wrong but continued to wait. Perhaps they saw an opportunity and were taking advantage of it. Maybe they were stuck somewhere and had to wait before moving again. Maybe, and this one she didn’t like, they had been captured. </p>
<p>As another hour came and went, B’Elanna sought out Tuvok’s assistance. This was his area of expertise, and he had proven himself to be highly capable and skilled. Once he was notified, he and Ayala headed out. Tuvok observed that with Nozawa gone, there was no reason to risk another highly skilled engineer should they run into any difficulties. B’Elanna grudging agreed.</p>
<p>It took roughly twenty minutes to make it to the colony. What perplexed them upon further inspection, was there were no people about. There should have been many given the time of day. Ever cautious, Tuvok and Ayala made their way down a small side road that seemed to be part of a residential area. A gust of wind blew between the structures and carried with it a crystalline substance neither of them recognized. </p>
<p>Ayala put out his hand, placing it on Tuvok’s arm to stop him. With a finger, he pointed further down the road, silently indicating he’d just seen something worth further interest. They moved forward, keeping their heads on a swivel. Their eyes scanning the area, searching for anything further that might provide an explanation. </p>
<p>When they reached the area Ayala had pointed to, Tuvok noticed a pile of clothing piled up against the wall of a structure at the end of the road. It was certainly odd but didn’t notice anything threatening about its contents. Their eyes shifted when they saw movement and immediately moved next to the structure to provide partial cover from whatever was coming from their right. </p>
<p>Tuvok peered low around the corner, waiting for the object to close the distance. It was a vehicle of some kind, heavily armored, and housed what appeared to be a large cannon with several other weapons mounted on the front and sides. The cannon was on a turret and could move 360 degrees, only being confirmed as they watched the large barrel make the appropriate turn, completing a revolution. </p>
<p>Whether it was being controlled remotely or someone was inside operating it manually, they couldn’t know. They continued to observe as a long flexible tube extended from the vehicle and made its way to the ground to suck up any substantial piles of the crystalline substance as it made its journey away from them. Neither man understanding the reason for the action or its significance.</p>
<p>Making their way to the heart of the colony, which is where they presumed Chakotay and Nozawa were headed, had to stop and move out of sight several more times before reaching it to avoid direct contact with the vehicles they saw, all performing the same action. There were still no signs of life, the inhabitants appearing to have left abruptly and without a trace. However, they did notice more scattered clothing along the roads, which were not piled up as the first lot had. Instead, it looked more as if the person had simply disrobed and discarded the clothing before walking away. The pattern emerging causing a substantial increase in apprehension in Ayala. Tuvok felt something similar but did not allow the emotional response any hope of rising to the surface, always maintaining discipline and control.</p>
<p>The wind gusted again, bringing with it a shower of the tiny crystalline particles which cut at their exposed skin and buried itself into the folds of their clothing and hair. It was only a matter of time before they reached the center, the main complex that Chakotay and Nozawa must have gone to.</p>
<p>Reaching it had been difficult, the activity of the vehicles was more prevalent in this region. Carefully, they made their way inside through an open archway. There had been no reason to draw their weapons yet, nothing giving them a reason to, so when they heard the sound of phaser fire coming from the end of the corridor, both men pulled their weapons and took up defensive positions. </p>
<p>The sound was getting closer, at any moment someone or something would be turning the corner. To Tuvok, Ayala appeared clam, but slightly agitated, forcing himself to remain focused on the present situation. This time they saw the phaser fire before hearing it, hitting the wall at the end of the corridor. They waited patiently for a hint or a sign that Chakotay and Nozawa were alive and it was they who were causing all the commotion. </p>
<p>Seeing them come around the corner, they were firing wildly into the air, several shots barely missing Tuvok and Ayala. Their faces appeared crazed and panic-stricken as they continued to fight off some invisible phantom. Tuvok took careful aim, his phaser on stun, and first shot Chakotay before shooting Nozawa. Once they were down, the men approached them cautiously, listening for any sound. The phaser fire had the potential of alerting the vehicles, or any occupants in which it may have housed, and heard nothing. </p>
<p>Disarming them, Tuvok could see something in Chakotay’s hand. It was the compound Smithee needed to treat Janeway’s injuries. Taking it, he secured the contents within the confines of his vest. He didn’t know how they were going to get them back to the Val Jean without notice. So, they decided to wait, allow the men to wake up on their own, and then see if their senses would return. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>Seska had not been as smart or as clever as she thought. She had every intention of finishing the job with Janeway, waiting for an opportunity that never came. If she continued to wait, she would lose her chance to escape now that the Val Jean had landed on the planet. What she didn’t know, and that no one could be bothered to tell her, was that they were in a closed system. So, if she wanted to find transport off the planet, she wouldn’t be getting it from them, more likely, she would find herself the star of a harrowing set of circumstances. </p>
<p>She’s hurriedly packed a bag, planning her escape off the ship. What she hadn’t noticed was the man who’d been following her, also waiting for his opportunity to quietly and finally, put an end to her. It was a moment he’d been waiting for almost since the moment they met. He never trusted or liked her, her mind always a little off but unable to determine why. So, when Chakotay had effectively given his permission to kill her, felt a sense of rapture so complete he couldn’t wait to make fantasy reality. </p>
<p>Bag packed, she didn’t notice him waiting for her out in the corridor, nor did she notice when he continued to follow her toward an emergency hatch located at the bottom of the ship. She had tunnel vision, a singular goal in mind, to get off the Val Jean before her chance was gone. Trying to kill Janeway personally, although ideal, was no longer on her list of priorities any longer. She knew Chakotay hadn’t planned to stay on the planet long, didn’t have the current network of resources to get any information regarding his status. So, waiting around for the opportunity was no longer an option, time being of the essence. </p>
<p>The pin code for the hatch had not been changed thankfully, so she was able to open it easily enough before feeling something thin and tight pressing along the length of her neck. She hadn’t been able to make a sound, the object pressing tightly against her throat and cutting off her air supply. Her hands automatically reached up in a panic, but could not find purchase, only clawing at her own neck as she felt her feet being lifted off the floor. </p>
<p>Gravity was working against her, using her own weight to keep her throat pressed against the thin object which was preventing her lungs from getting the much-needed oxygen her body demanded. She was losing consciousness her feet dangling over the escape hatch. She couldn’t think, the ability to reason being lost in the panic. The object had been slowly cutting into the tender flesh of her neck, severing tendon, and muscle. She passed out, the cry for oxygen too great. </p>
<p>Suder held her suspended over the hatch until he was sure she was dead before releasing her and letting her fall to the ground below. The garrote covered in her blood. He had managed to sever her windpipe before allowing her to drop, she being unaware since she was no longer conscious. He looked through her bag for anything useful and found a few items that could have been used for barter along with clothing. Using a shirt, he cleaned the garrote before tossing it down the hole. Keeping the items, he shoved the bag with his foot until it fell on top of her and closed the hatch.</p>
<p>He smiled, feeling a long-awaited sense of completion and gratification. She was dead, and he had been given the distinct privilege of ending her life. Chances like these didn’t come along too often, and he would relish the memory of her death for some time to come. </p>
<p>***</p>
<p>When Chakotay and Nozawa started to come around fifteen minutes later, they behaved more like their old selves, but still felt a sense of panic. Tuvok placed a hand on Chakotay’s shoulder, “You are alright Captain. What happened?”</p>
<p>It took a second for him to register who he was talking to, “It was a trap, as soon as we entered the main facility where their medical supplies where stored, gas-filled the room. It made us start seeing things, nightmarish creatures coming at us. We tried to fight them off while escaping but there were too many. I can’t say for certain they weren’t real but…”</p>
<p>“From my observations, you were not yourselves and seemed to be agitated.”</p>
<p>Chakotay sat up looking around, realizing he was missing something, “The package.”</p>
<p>“I have it.” Tuvok said, “Let us return back to the Val Jean and get this into Smithee’s hands before we attempt to discover further information.” He nodded in agreement and allowed himself to be helped to his feet. “Do you happen to know anything regarding the crystalline substance outside or the vehicles collecting it?”</p>
<p>“No,” Chakotay replied, shaking his head, “We managed to avoid them, but could not ascertain as to what the purpose was.”</p>
<p>Tuvok nodded and helped him to his feet, Ayala did the same with Nozawa. Returning their weapons, all for men carefully made their way back to the Val Jean. B’Elanna’s worried expression changed to relief the moment she saw them come into view. “It’s about time. What the hell happened out there?”</p>
<p>“We’re not sure,” Chakotay replied, “But we got the compound. I’ll get it to Smithee, and she can start the surgery right away. Have Sam look at the crystalline substance Tuvok and Ayala have on them and see if she can determine what it is.”</p>
<p>“Right.”</p>
<p>“You know where I’ll be.”</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The surgery took a few hours now that Smithee had everything she needed. It was touch and go for a while considering they were unable to fix the issue right away and had to keep Janeway in a coma for a time. Eventually, Smithee came out of surgery and advised that everything went well, and she would recover but would need to keep her unconscious for a couple more days to make sure the lung continued to function normally. </p>
<p>During that time, they had managed to find a way to lift off without drawing attention to themselves. The last thing they needed was any more problems or a confrontation. It wasn’t their job to find out what happened to the people in the colony or try to interfere in what the vehicles were doing or why they were collecting anything. Besides, if they stayed any longer it would only be a matter of time before they would be discovered and be subject to the same fate as the former colonists. </p>
<p>Sam had been able to determine that the crystalline substance was a combination of concentrated and very pure minerals which could be found in any humanoid species. Based on the information observed in the colony, it concluded that all moisture had been removed from the bodies so quickly it only left the minerals behind. The thought both frightened yet fascinated her at the same time. Wanting to know how this could have been accomplished but also fearing the same how. The why just left her, and everyone else feeling unsettled.</p>
<p>It was a mystery Chakotay was happy to leave unsolved if it meant they were back on the road and Janeway would be alright. </p>
<p>“Chakotay,” B’Elanna began, “I haven’t seen Seska in a couple of days. She hasn’t come back to the cabin. I was wondering if anyone’s seen her?”</p>
<p>Suder had informed him of what he’s done and felt relief that he wouldn’t be seeing her again, “Actually, she’s not on board.”</p>
<p>B’Elanna’s brow furrowed, “None of us saw her leave. We were at the exit the entire time on the planet. How did she get out?”</p>
<p>“I had Suder follow her in order to keep tabs on her whereabouts, in case she decided to take any further action on Janeway, and especially after our little chat based on the information you and Ayala observed. He says he saw her go to your shared quarters a couple of days ago and pack some items into a bag and left the ship using the emergency escape hatch. She hasn’t exactly been popular around here since her fight with Janeway, I guess no one told her she wouldn’t be getting any help from the colonist there when she decided to leave. I wasn’t going to waste time looking for her and put any more of us at risk. She struck out on her own, that was her choice, and now she must live with it. </p>
<p>As much as she suspected Seska to be a Cardassian, she had still been her friend. The fact she felt she had to leave made her feel bad about the way she had personally been treating her, but at the same time they were in no position to take the risk. Maybe it was better she decided to extricate herself from the situation before anyone felt they had to.</p>
<p>Chakotay spent as much time in sickbay as possible until Smithee felt Janeway was ready to wake up. He held her hand as her eyes finally opened for the first time in nearly a week. “Hello gorgeous,” he said with a smile, “How do you feel?”</p>
<p>Her side hurt, still feeling tender, “I’ve been better. What happened?”</p>
<p>“You broke three ribs, one of them punctured your lung. We managed to make a supply run to get the items we needed to patch you up. You’ve been kept in a coma for a total of six days. Two of them post-surgery so Smithee could make sure there were no further complications.”</p>
<p>She nodded. “When will I be able to leave?”</p>
<p>“As soon as you feel up to it, she says, but wants you to take it easy for a few days. You’ve got stitches closing the incision on your side, so no sudden moves or you could pull them loose. You’ll have to take it easy for a few days but can go back to work if you want.”</p>
<p>“Good,” she said with a smile, and squeezed his hand gently, “Taking things easy always makes me feel worse.”</p>
<p>He laughed, “Oh, I’ve moved your things into my cabin. I figured you’d rather be there now that we’ve confirmed our relationship.”</p>
<p>“That was presumptuous of you,” she said raising an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“That’s my last name actually. I thought you knew that?” The smile grew wider.</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but give a small laugh, which caused her side to hurt, the muscles sore near the incision, and sucked the air in through her teeth rapidly, sounding like a hiss. “Oh, that smarts.”</p>
<p>“There’s also a dressing under your shirt that Smithee was very adamant you keep dry for a few days. She’s given you’re a series of antibiotics to ward off any infection due to the incision.”</p>
<p>“They still make those?”</p>
<p>He smiled, “Yes, we primitives still have to slice into our patients to save their lives. We don’t have those fancy doodads you Federation have,” He joked, and her smile disappeared, “What is it?”</p>
<p>“When we reach the alpha quadrant, the Federation will be a problem for you and the others. They’ll want to imprison you, and I won’t let that happen,” Her eyes had taken on a fearful expression.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about it. We have plenty of time before we need to. There’s still a lot of delta quadrant we need to cross before we even consider our options. Once we’re closer we’ll worry about it then,” he assured and kissed her hand.</p>
<p>“You’re right, it’s too soon to worry about, but all I know at this moment is I can’t lose you,” She stated firmly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Five months later…</b>
</p><p>Life was good, everyone was getting along for the most part. There were still the occasional fights that broke out, but this was normal. If you developed a problem with someone you fought it out, whoever won the fight got the last word on the subject and the loser would have to accept it, those were the rules.</p><p>They were nine months into their journey, and It had been an uneventful one. Although there was always something that needed doing on board, life was far from dull. Janeway had lost track of the number of catastrophic failures they’d experienced aboard the Van Jean so far and was rightly concerned for their chances to survive the trip. </p><p>There had been talk amongst the crew after the last one about not pushing their luck further and just finding a new place to settle down and start over. The feeling they’d rather still be alive than continue making their way back to a dangerous part of space seemed reasonable compared to the alternative. Where the fighting could still be raging, their comrades in arms in prison or dead. Then there was the more unrealistic option that the Maquis had won, or at the very least, caused a stalemate. </p><p>Samantha had gone into labor, had been in labor for nearly twenty-seven hours. Saying she was merely tired would be an understatement. The event was arduous, her patience running thinner with every hour passed. It was becoming clear to Smithee she wasn’t going to be able to deliver this baby on her own, but worried about performing a c-section, the procedure bringing with it its own set of complications.</p><p>Opening up someone exposed them to infection, and even though she tried her best to keep sickbay as sterile as possible, it was far from attainable. The entire ship needed to scrubbed down and sanitized, which would be impossible for a variety of reasons. It would lower Sam’s immune response. The baby was already going to be exposed to an environment that wasn’t necessarily safe for people with great constitutions. </p><p>The tiny razor-sharp forehead spikes were going to be another problem entirely. Even if Sam could deliver the baby naturally, it was still going to do a lot of damage on the way out. It was kind of a lose-lose situation and she had been laboring long enough, and the longer she remained that way the more stress it was putting on the infant. </p><p>She had to make the call, and opted for the c-section, at this point it was going to be her best chance, feeling that even if she could have delivered naturally it would always come down to this. The spikes getting caught on the uterine wall or in the birth canal. </p><p>Deadening the nerves in her lower region, she and Paris got to work. She needed Sam to stay conscious only because she couldn’t afford to lower her immune response which would occur if she were unconscious. Her body wouldn’t make the necessary adjustments needed to stiffen blood flow either as the veins were cut, she would just continue to bleed out, her heart pumping the blood merrily through her veins as it has done since she was in her mother’s womb.</p><p>She made a horizontal cut near her pelvic region, only wide enough for her to get her hands in to pull the baby out. Paris was standing by with a blanket ready for her to place the baby in his arms the moment they were free. Which Smithee did, then immediately got to work showing up the cut though the uterus, then the interior muscles, before finally the epidermis. Sam had been a trooper through the entire ordeal. </p><p>Paris slapped the child on the bottom, the pain motivating the child’s natural response to cry, thereby clearing their own airway. The baby wailed loudly as Paris told Sam it was a girl and placed her back into the warm blanket. </p><p>Smithee would have to monitor Sam for a few days, or longer if necessary, along with the baby to make sure there would be no further complications. It would be a hard recovery for her, the muscles in her abdomen would never be as strong as they were before, but it was something Sam would learn to live with. For now, mother and daughter were fine, and Smithee would do everything she could to make sure it stayed that way. </p><p>
  <b>One month later…</b>
</p><p>Sam and the baby were dead. A few days after birth, the infant she named Naomi, developed a respiratory infection that was resistant to the antibiotics she’d been given. Her half Katarian side making the drugs even more resistant. Smithee didn’t have an incubation unit, there was no point. This was a ship for fighting, not birthing or raising children. She had done the best she could to keep the infant breathing. Sometime during the night, the child stopped.</p><p>Sam was understandably heartbroken and devastated by the loss. It was the only piece of her husband she had left, and in many ways, didn’t feel she would ever see again. When Naomi died, it felt as though all her dreams of returning home to resume a life with her husband ended when their child had. She was depressed, distraught. Janeway came down to comfort her along with O’Donnell, but neither of them could raise her spirits. </p><p>Eventually, she’d developed a secondary infection in her uterus, which spread. By the time Smithee caught it, it was too late. If Sam had mentioned something sooner about the physical pain she was in, she might have been able to do something. Instead, she kept the information to herself and allowed the grief to consume her. She died, four days after her daughter. </p><p>They were buried together in space. Unable to place them in a torpedo casing or a similar container, what they did was wrap them in fabric and flex aluminum, with Sam’s arms around her child. Once they had been released from the airlock, the crew said their goodbye’s before disintegrating them using the ship’s phasers. They would always be together, returning their molecules back to the universe. </p><p>Losing her felt like another failure to Janeway, even though she had personally done nothing wrong, but if they were still on Voyager all of them would have been dead, so in the end, it made little difference as to when or how their deaths occurred. She wasn’t prepared to lose another, but they had.</p><p>During a firefight a couple of months ago, they got into an altercation on a planet known as Rilos 7, Chakotay giving everyone the chance to take shore leave, and for them to try and take on some fresh supplies. Kenneth Dalby and Michael Jonas were killed when they got into a fight with another patron at the local bar and were shot and killed instantly. The loss had been rough, despite their tempers, they were still part of the family.</p><p>Not long after this, they were hit with another loss so profound, it felt as if the universe itself had reached forth its hand to strike a blow so severe it had to be personal. Ann Smithee, Tom Paris, and Henley were killed during a firefight with a small freighter. Their armaments were equal to that of the Val Jean, so the chances of surviving the fight were good. </p><p>The freighter had hit the area of sickbay. Which not only destroyed it but caused damage to the surrounding decks. They were now uninhabitable and had to be sealed off from the rest of the ship. This loss had been felt more deeply than any other. There was no medical staff of any kind, nor was there a sickbay any longer. More than that, the loss of Smithee hit the Maquis crew the hardest, the woman who had been a mother to everyone on board was now gone. </p><p>Yosa and Paris had been seeing each other for the last few months and had grown very close. She was never quite the same after his death as if a part of her had gone missing. Tabor also felt the loss, he and Paris were best friends, almost starting from the first day they met in the messhall. He couldn’t help but like the guy, reminding him of himself in many ways. In Paris, he found a kindred spirit who also shared his love for everything twentieth century, especially the cars. </p><p>B’Elanna wasn’t close to Henley, but they shared sleeping quarters for nearly two years. They got on each other’s nerves at times, sometimes getting into fistfights, but she did care for her. Jor slept in the bunk just below Henley and shared a unique friendship. Henley had been a protective older sister to the quiet and reserved Jor, making her world seem a little smaller.</p><p>Most of the crew had reached a consensus, it was time to give up, settle down somewhere before the rest of them followed suit. Making it home didn’t seem quite as important as it had a few months ago when their chances of survival seemed attainable. Chakotay wasn’t ready to throw his lot in with them yet. He still wanted to reach home, if not for himself then for Kathryn. She still had family there, and he was determined to get her back to them. </p><p>Just before the death of Smithee, Paris, and Henley, Chakotay and Kathryn had performed the bonding ceremony, which was his tribe’s custom, making their union and promise to each other permanent. They had to present something to the other which held great significance, a symbol of the life they were leaving behind to begin a new journey together. </p><p>Chakotay had presented her with a data chip that contained the documents of ownership to the Val Jean, transferring ownership to her. For him, the ship was a testament to the life he had chosen before, the life of a Maquis. It had been the main source of motivation to keep going after his family had been killed, and now he was putting his trust and faith in her. She would now become his motivation, his reason for living, their new life together would give him new purpose.</p><p>Kathryn had presented him with the only thing she had to give, her com badge. It was the symbol of everything she once held so dear. The principles of the Federation she had clung to and respected, their philosophy guiding all her past decisions. Her life had changed so much since then. She had changed. What she wanted then did not represent the life she wanted now. It was a life she could never go back to if she wanted him to be a part of it. And she loved him too much to ever give him up. She would go forward with him in this life, wherever that led. </p><p>They made love all night, relishing in the pleasure they gave the other. Showing how much, they loved and needed one another. It solidified their bond, strengthened it. From that moment on they were no longer two people leading separate lives, they had become one shared heart. Their dreams and goals for the future were the same. To live out the rest of their lives in peace and love. </p><p>***</p><p>Eventually, the decision had been made, they would begin the process of looking for a place they could land and start over. All of them had grown weary of the constant fight for survival, and the deaths they endured including the state of their ship. It only reinforced their desire to settle down before someone or something made the choice for them.</p><p>So far, they hadn’t been having any luck. Each planet they came across were not looking to add any outsiders to their ranks, especially ones that didn’t have anything of real intrinsic value to offer. The days stretched on into weeks, then months. It had been over a year now since they began this journey, and the losses they’d endured could still be deeply felt, the reminders all around them. </p><p>Janeway was working in the science lab, but her heart wasn’t in it. She was just as ready as the rest of the crew to end this journey and was worried about the future. They didn’t have a sickbay any longer, so it was difficult to confirm if she was in fact, pregnant, but had begun to suspect she was when she felt a hardness in her abdomen. They hadn’t intended to start a family yet, not until they had secured a better environment to begin. However, the universe saw things a little differently.</p><p>She looked up when the door opened and saw her husband enter. He smiled the moment he saw her standing behind the console, “How long have you been standing there working?”</p><p>Shrugging her shoulders, she replied, appearing disinterested, “I’ve lost track.”</p><p>He moved to her and pulled her into his arms, “You need to start taking better care of yourself. I had a stool brought in here so you could work and sit some of the time to keep the weight off your ankles. They’re already starting to swell.”</p><p>She sighed and laid her head on his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist, “We’re not ready for this Chakotay.”</p><p>Holding her close, he kissed the top of her head, “I know, but it’s happened and all we can do is move forward. We’ll find a place to settle, don’t worry.”</p><p>“I can’t help it,” She answered, tears escaping her eyes, “If I have to give birth before we do find a place, I’m afraid I’ll end up just like Sam and Naomi. Smithee and Paris are gone, there’s no one else on board who has any medical training, and we don’t have a sickbay. The odds are not in our favor,” She began to really sob, clinging to him.</p><p>He rubbed her back and made soothing sounds, trying to calm her, “We’ll find a place, Kathryn, we have plenty of time. You’re not even showing yet.” Giving her a squeeze, he pulled back to see her face, “Do you trust me?” She nodded, “Then trust me when I tell you everything will work out, we’ll be alright,” He began wiping her tears away with his thumbs, “Don’t give up on me yet love, I have a feeling our luck will be changing soon. I’m usually not wrong about these things.”</p><p>The door opened, and Ayala stepped in, “Chakotay you’re going to want to see this,” he said and stepped out again. Chakotay and Janeway followed, “Kaplan just picked up a Federation signal not too far from here. We don’t know what’s generating the signal yet, she wants us to move closer to get a better look.”</p><p>When they stepped onto the bridge, Chakotay moved to Kaplan and looked over her shoulder before waving Kathryn over to look and asked, “What do you think is generating it?”</p><p>Janeway peered at the screen, then at their current location. She heard there was a Federation Outpost here but had never been on a long-range deep space assignment to see if for herself, “It could be a Federation outpost. I have heard they built one for ships to stop and resupply. They’re also supposed to receive regular shipments to provide those supplies.”</p><p>“Move us closer,” Chakotay said, “see if we can confirm.”</p><p>Ayala had retaken his seat at the helm and began moving them toward the signal until it got stronger.</p><p>“It’s definitely an outpost,” Kaplan said, “and they’re hailing us.”</p><p>Chakotay looked to Kathryn, perhaps it was better to let her speak to them, it might make a better impression, “Maybe you should talk to them.”</p><p>“Me?”</p><p>“You are still a Starfleet Captain as far as the Federation is concerned. They would kinder to you than to me.”</p><p>She nodded and had Kaplan open the channel, “This is Captain Kathryn Janeway aboard the Val Jean. We are in search of assistance.”</p><p>There was silence on the other end, “Did they receive?” Chakotay asked and Kaplan nodded, “I don’t like this,” he commented, getting a bad feeling.</p><p>“Please confirm Val Jean,” a male voice said over the com, “You said, Captain Kathryn Janeway?”</p><p>“Yes, that is correct,” Janeway answered.</p><p>“Standby.”</p><p>Chakotay really didn’t like this.</p><p>A Federation ship raced out faster than they had time to react and locked onto them with a tractor beam. “Cut your engines. We’ll bring you in. Do not attempt to disengage the tractor beam.” The same male voice instructed. They didn’t have the power or the ability even if they wanted to. The Val Jean was in poor shape and had seen better days. </p><p>Once they were tractored inside the hangar bay, they were given instructions to exit the ship. By this time, regardless of who it was, was just glad to be getting off the ship which had brought so much pain and misery over the last few months. </p><p>The six Starfleet officers that remained, were taken aside, and the rest were taken to a holding area. They wanted to debrief the officers separately, find out what happened to Voyager and the rest of the crew. Janeway had been placed in a small room and asked to sit at the table. After an hour, someone she hadn’t seen in years entered.</p><p>“Hello Captain, I’m sorry to have kept you wanting, it’s been a while,” Lieutenant Commander Cheb Packer greeted.</p><p>She looked up at the face with disinterest, “I see you finally got your wish and were accepted to the Academy.”</p><p>“I’ve changed since then,” He replied with a smile and took the seat across from her. </p><p>Studying his face, there was no trace of the angry spiteful young man he’d once been when they dated all those years ago, “So what are you doing all the way out here?” She asked, curious.</p><p>“I was about to ask you the same thing,” he replied, “I was assigned to the station a couple of years ago as a mission supply specialist, but it's certainly not as impressive as what you’ve accomplished. Captain of a Starship, I always knew you’d do well,” he spoke to her with the same type of familiarity they had back then.</p><p>She wasn’t impressed with what he was saying, nor the way it was spoken, “Did you now?”</p><p>He nodded, “I should have reached out to you a long time ago and apologized for the way I treated you. Especially when we were on that diving trip on Mars. I was jealous and angry, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. It’s something I’ve always regretted,” Then his tone shifted when he looked back at the padd in his hand, he could see she wasn’t interested in apologies, “Voyager was declared lost on 50329.8, approximately four months after you disappeared in the Badlands. What happened? How did you end up on a Maquis vessel?”</p><p>Taking a breath, she replied, “It’s a long story.”</p><p>“We’ve got all the time in the universe,” he replied with a gentle smile, “Start from the beginning.”</p><p>She did, relaying how Voyager was destroyed by the Kazon, how the eight of them were rescued by the Maquis. That they had used the array to get home but came up short, but not giving specific details. </p><p>“You’re leaving a lot of important information out,” he said glancing back down at his padd, “According to your fellow officers, your ship was destroyed by the Kazon as you’ve stated, and that the Maquis ship, The Val Jean, registry number 24601, led by a known terrorist and former Starfleet officer by the name of Chakotay, did nothing while you were attacked. In fact, he waited until your shields failed to beam your bridge crew on board before Voyager’s destruction.</p><p>“Based on their reports, he struck a deal with the Kazon to have them use the array to send you back to the alpha quadrant which left the ship somewhat short. He’d planned to use all of you as a means of barter with the Federation. Then, several months later, the two of you marry in bonding ceremony. So, I must wonder, based on the kind of person you are, if you weren’t being coerced in some way.”</p><p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t been manipulated by anyone,” She stated firmly.</p><p>He didn’t by it, “I know you were treated very harshly on that ship for quite some time, almost died at one point. From what we were told, you had been shunned by the crew, which kept you isolated. The only person you were able to associate with other than the other Starfleet officers, was Chakotay. Did it ever occur to you that all of it could have been done as a ploy just to get close to you? So, you would begin to trust him, provide information and secrets he could use against the Federation?”</p><p>She could feel the anger rising, but managed to keep it suppressed, “That’s not what happened.”</p><p>“Then perhaps you should consider being a little more forthcoming with your answers,” He suggested, “We’re not your enemy here Captain, they are.”</p><p>“Neither of you are my enemy, and to make such an implication only reveals your ignorance.”</p><p>He could see she was getting agitated, “Are you familiar with Stockholm syndrome?” She said nothing, “Well allow me to sum it up for you, it is a condition in which hostages develop a psychological alliance with their captors during captivity. So, in essence, he takes you in, has you emotionally isolated so you would be more accepting of him, and arranges a physical altercation between you and one of his crew in order to cause injury but not death, in order to win your trust, even your affections. You live amongst them for several months, constantly exposed to their way of life, thinking, and ideas. You’re not alone in this, all your fellow officers seem to be experiencing this syndrome in varying degrees. Even your Vulcan Chief of Security, which is surprising really. You don’t have to be afraid Captain, you’re safe now, we are here to help you.”</p><p>She couldn’t believe how the situation was being twisted, that he was telling her that her feelings for Chakotay and the others weren’t real. He had no idea what he was talking about, “I want to see my husband.”</p><p>He stood up, “I’m afraid that won’t be possible. He’s already had several months to corrupt your thoughts; we’re not prepared to submit you to further abuse and trauma.”</p><p>She rose from her seat, deadly serious she replied, “I am not a victim. He is my husband and I want to see him, so you need to make that possible.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Captain, I’m afraid that’s out of my hands. I know you don’t see this now, but after you’ve spoken to a counselor, get a chance to accept what’s happened to you. You won’t want to see him again,” He replied sympathetically, and picked up his padd. “There is a ship arriving here in a day or two which will be taking all of you back to Federation space. There is a counselor on board who will begin to work you through the process.”</p><p>The thought of being separated from Chakotay wasn’t an option, she needed him, loved him. At this point, she was desperate, fear and anger driving her responses. She came at him, punching him in the nose before reaching down and flipping the table over onto its side. He was stunned by the unexpected attack, grabbing his nose before feeling a punch to the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him and forcing him to stumble backward. Getting low, she did a leg sweep and took his feet out from under him, by the time she stood up security had entered the room and began restraining her in a pair of cuffs designed to operate similar to that of a straitjacket.</p><p>They lifted her up and carried her out of the room when she began to kick as they took her to the medical bay where she would be placed on a bed and further restrained. The station doctor did a quick scan as one of the nurses was about to inject her with a standard sedative, the doctor quickly told them to stop because she was pregnant. They would have to use a different type to calm her. Soon, Kathryn felt the outside world slip away, unable to prevent the state she would soon find herself in, darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chakotay wasn’t worried for himself, but his wife. He hadn’t heard from or seen her in several hours. In fact, he hadn’t seen anyone in several hours since he’d been separated from the rest of his crew. He hated not knowing what was going on or what was about to happen. Mostly, he hated not having some semblance of control over his own fate. </p><p>The room was small, with only a table and two chairs. He preferred the floor at this point, there was only so long he could sit in the hard metal chair before his butt and legs started to ache, enticing a numbing sensation and restricting blood flow, giving the term of a limb going to sleep its meaning. </p><p>He sat with this back to the wall in the corner, legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankle, his hands folded in his lap. Nestling his head back into the corner he closed his eyes and allowed his mind to drift, knowing he was being watched. They would want to observe his behavior for as long as possible before sending someone in to question him, and gave no indication as to his true feelings, feigning ease he didn’t possess. </p><p>He’d played this game before, knew his part and played it well. All the time taking in every visual and auditory clue not knowing which might be of use later. He had almost fallen asleep by the time the door opened. In walked a man wearing all black, holding a padd in his gloved hands.</p><p>“Comfortable?” He asked, amused.</p><p>“Very,” Chakotay replied casually.</p><p>The man gestured to the table, “Shall we?”</p><p>“Why not,” Chakotay said pushing himself up to his feet and both men took a seat at the table.</p><p>He stared at Chakotay for a long time, as if he were sizing him up before deciding what to say, “I could ask you a ton of useless questions, and you could tell me a lot of things you think I want to hear. However, I don’t see the point in that, do you?”</p><p>Chakotay shook his head and the man leaned back in the chair, a hint of a smile on his lips.</p><p>“So why don’t you just tell me the story you want me to hear, it will save time.”</p><p>Chakotay smiled back slightly, “I’m not very good at telling stories.”</p><p>“That’s not what I hear. The way I understood it, you’re very fond of storytelling. Not too long ago actually, I was speaking with a member of your crew who had quite the story to tell,” he said leaning forward again, this time with his forearm braced against the top of the table, “I believe you know him as Lon Suder? He works for us you know.”</p><p>He wasn’t going to reveal any hint of his true emotions, keeping him guessing was just part of the game. It was a ploy, trying to get him to reveal any weakness so he could exploit it, “You don’t say?” He replied, giving an air of amusement, “Well, I heard that most Starfleet personnel are full of shit, but what do I know. I’m just a terrorist, right?”</p><p>“Not according to my information. My records say you don’t exist,” he replied.</p><p>The statement, however unusual, did not throw him off, “Then who am I?”</p><p>Turning the padd around, he slid it across the table in front of him. Chakotay picked it up and began to read as the man spoke, “William Blake, age 41, and Captain of the Hiroshima. The picture you’re seeing there is you, before the genetic alteration. That man died in 2369 and Chakotay was born.”</p><p>He laughed, hard, “I’ve heard stories of some real underhanded shit Starfleet has pulled before, but this,” he dropped the padd back onto the table and began to clap his hands, “bravo sir.”</p><p>The man didn’t crack a smile, his face completely neutral, “Your reaction to the news is not unexpected. Hell, it’s not even new. I can’t tell you how many sleeper agents I’ve had to break the news to that the life they remember is a lie. The memories you have aren’t even yours, they belong to a man named Kele. He was born on a Federation colony in the demilitarized zone to Kolopak and Tananka. Had a sister named Sekaya. </p><p>“He left his colony as soon as he could to join Starfleet. He became an instructor at the academy and taught Advanced Tactical Training, achieving the rank of Lieutenant Commander before his home colony was destroyed and his family killed. He resigned his commission in 2368 and joined the Maquis. Now here is where we had to add new memories because that man was killed in 2369 at the battle of Rohanada, a particularly nasty fight. </p><p>“The Maquis were fed false information generated by several sources that there was going to be a gathering of Cardassian troops being led into the Badlands to wipe out the Maquis main base of operations. Rohanada was a Cardassian outpost right on the border of the demilitarized zone. The Maquis formed a counterstrike, hoping to stop them before they could launch. When they arrived, however, there were no troops, no ships waiting in orbit. </p><p>“It was a cleverly laid out trap by the Cardassians to draw the Maquis out of hiding and bring the bulk of their forces to them, having them gather all in one place. The outpost alerted the fleet using a rotating subspace transponder, so when they warped in it was a slaughter. This man Kele’s ship was one of the few that took heavy damage but wasn’t destroyed. We collected it, the Val Jean and brought it back to Federation space. </p><p>“Kele died in your sickbay aboard the Hiroshima. His memories were downloaded and stored for later use. The ship you captained belongs to Section 31, you are a member of Section 31. We altered your physical appearance and genetic structure and gave you a new name and a new purpose. From that moment on you became Captain Chakotay of the Val Jean. We provided the Maquis quietly, of course, information that you were already a member of their organization. No one looked closely at it, they’d just suffered a heavy loss and needed all the ships and people they could get. It was perfect.</p><p>“All this time you were quietly gathering information about them. Their methods, their bases of operations, where they were getting support, training, supplies, weapons. You weren’t the only one, of course, we had others who had been planted to infiltrate the Maquis. Then you disappear a year ago, then suddenly arrive with six Starfleet Officers. One of whom was the Captain of a Federation Starship named Voyager,” He started to laugh as if he couldn’t help himself, “Then, as if that wasn’t enough, you marry her in some kind of bonding ceremony and are expecting a child together. If it weren’t so laughable, I’d cry.”</p><p>Chakotay was no longer amused, even if what he was being told was a complete lie, he couldn’t dismiss it entirely. If there were a chance, however remote, that what he was telling him could be true, he had to consider the possibility, “I suppose I don’t see the humor you obviously do.”</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he replied wiping his eyes, having laughed so hard he cried, “You’re right, it’s not funny and completely unprofessional. You will understand once your memories are returned to you. However, I hope you understand that you won’t be seeing Janeway again. I’m sure she was good for the old rough and tumble, and certainly a pleasant diversion. Hell, I would have had a go at her myself in your position, but all that’s over now. As for the child she’s carrying, you’ll have to decide what you want to do with it. Let her keep it, get rid of it, the choice is yours, but we don’t expect you to make that decision now. It’s better for you to get acclimated back to your old life first.”</p><p>Chakotay couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. He sat frozen; thoughts moving at warp 10. His life was real, what he felt was real, his love for Kathryn and their child was real, and if this man thought there was any way he could keep him from her he had made a grievous error. He would get to the truth, he would find Kathryn and they would escape, no matter what he had to do, and the spirits help anyone who had the balls to get in his way. </p><p>***</p><p>Three days later, everyone was on their way back to Earth. The trip from here would be much faster considering that the Val Jean could only do a maximum speed of warp 6. So, this trip would take no longer than five months rather than the year they were expecting to face. </p><p>Kathryn had managed to get herself under control, although deep down she was feeling the loss of her forced separation from Chakotay. She couldn’t imagine her life without him any longer, and the thought that he might not drove a pain through her heart. </p><p>She, along with the six surviving Starfleet officers of Voyager, could wander the ship but not without supervision. They didn’t want any of them attempting to make contact or release the Maquis. As far as Starfleet was concerned, their minds had been poisoned enough by the year-long exposure to their beliefs and ideals, and it was going to take a lot of work to get them back to the people they used to be. </p><p>Kathryn didn’t care what Starfleet wanted, only about her husband and their life together. She did worry for Tuvok and the others, wondering what would happen to them once they reach Earth, especially the Maquis. They should have ignored the Federation signal. Why didn’t they? Because deep down a part of her still believed in the principals of the Federation, that they would be fair, look at all the information before making a fair impartial decision. The decision made didn’t feel like either. </p><p>Every day she demanded to see her husband. To talk to him, and each day she was refused. Frustration would be a poor description of how she felt. She wanted to hit something or someone but knew it wouldn’t get her anywhere. She regretted attacking Cheb, wished she had restrained herself. When he told her, they wouldn’t allow her to see him she couldn’t stop her initial reaction, which was to fight. </p><p>When had that become the way she resolved her problems? Knowing that fighting was a last resort. The time she spent with them had changed her, forced her to adapt to a new lifestyle. Now she understood why the Maquis first reaction had been a violent one, it seemed to be the only thing left to them that might force some control over a situation because talking sure as hell didn’t seem to be working. </p><p>The chime to her door sounded, she put down the book she was reading and answered, realizing that she had to adopt a new tactic if there was any hope of getting back to her husband. She would have to play nice and keep her feelings in check no matter how provoked she felt to do otherwise.</p><p>Counselor Jess McAbee entered, “Captain Janeway, it’s good to see you taking some time to relax,” she said with a smile and entered the room, “I hope the book you’re reading is good.”</p><p>Kathryn put on the best smile she could, “I haven’t had the chance to read in a while, we didn’t have any books on the Val Jean, come to think of it, there wasn’t anything in the way of luxury or personal entertainment, but you make do.”</p><p>“May I sit?” Kathryn nodded and gestured to the chair across from her, once she had Jess replied, “That must have been a lesson. Not having any kind of outlet.”</p><p>She liked Jess to a point, she seemed nice, personable, and if they had met under other circumstances might even have entertained the notion of friendship, but the reasons for their association were of a professional nature only. Kathryn would be civil, even nice, but trust was something she couldn’t give right now, or might never be able to. She did have the game to fall back on, so she decided she would play her part and see where it led her. </p><p>“It wasn’t all bad,” She replied lying the book on the table beside her, “We did manage to have fun on occasion.”</p><p>“I’m happy to hear that,” Jess replied with a gentle smile, “I know you’re frustrated Captain, I get it, you don’t think there’s anything wrong with you, and that’s perfectly natural and reasonable given the events you’ve endured over the last year. I’m not here to convince you otherwise, I’m only here to help you examine those experiences and understand when your way of thinking began to shift, and why it was necessary to embrace that lifestyle.”</p><p>Kathryn laughed softly, “Embrace that lifestyle? If you’re trying to tell me that adapting to a new way of life for purposes of survival is a lifestyle then yes, it was a lifestyle.”</p><p>“Isn’t it?” She questioned, “When did that happen for you? How long into the journey did it take for your mental focus to shift?”</p><p>Whether she answered her question honestly or not was still up to her, but she did think about it, “I suppose it started the day we arrived on the Val Jean, once Captain Chakotay gave us the option to join his crew or be left behind.”</p><p>“That’s an interesting choice of words,” Jess pointed out.</p><p>“What is?” Kathryn was perplexed.</p><p>“That you would say Captain Chakotay instead of your husband. You do think of him in those terms, your husband?”</p><p>She shook her head slightly, a slight chuckle escaping, “He wasn’t my husband then. I didn’t know him the way I do now.”</p><p>“What was your first impression of him when you first met?” Jess asked casually as if they were merely having a conversation. </p><p>Kathryn knew better, they weren’t friends and any words she offered her would be twisted and stored for later use, “I was madly in love with him.”</p><p>Jess frowned when it was more than obvious, she didn’t want to answer the question, “If you don’t want to talk about this right now just say so. I’m here to force you.”</p><p>“What I want to do is see my husband. To know he’s alright, to have a conversation,” Kathryn replied.</p><p>Jess cocked her head slightly to the side, “If I could make that happen for you. What would you talk about?”</p><p>Was this a hypothetical scenario or was she indicating in some way she would arrange for her to see him? “Are you implying that I could see him?”</p><p>“That’s not what I said.”</p><p>“But you’re not denying the possibility either,” Kathryn countered, “I haven’t committed a crime, and despite what you or anyone here might believe, I am not suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. Is it so difficult to believe that I fell in love with him of my own free will? I really dislike psychology sometimes. No, that’s wrong. I don’t like how people use psychology to an end. The fact is, depending on the person’s interpretation of the subject, you could apply any number ailments a person could be suffering from based on what they perceive the situation or evidence to be. There’s nothing wrong that, every sentient being I’ve ever encountered or read about does. Where the line becomes distorted is knowing where it is, the grey area where the line is being walked.</p><p>“You can look at all the information, provided it’s all true, to begin with, and form an opinion based on that knowledge. It’s not like testing a scientific theory, where it can be proven or disproven with indisputable facts that can be calculated and measured. You can’t do that with a person because we all see and interpret everything, sometimes similarly but mostly differently.</p><p>“You look at me, and based on what you understand of the Maquis, of the kind of people you’ve been told they are, have made a judgment based on that information. I was guilty of it myself. I fully believed they were dangerous people, and some of them are, I’m not kidding myself, but all of us are. Any one of us has the potential of erupting with violence despite how well-intentioned or emotionally motivated the person might be. </p><p>“There are some things about behavior Counselor, that are perfectly normal reactions because most of us are thinking, feeling, well-intentioned people who try to do what they believe is the right thing as often as possible even when someone doesn’t agree with it. The differences only coming into question when they are no longer convenient to society's way of thinking. </p><p>“The flaws you see in me are the ones that have always been there, they haven’t changed, it's only now when my view differs from yours that it cannot be tolerated because I am a Starfleet Captain, I’m supposed to see the Maquis with the same perspective the rest of you share. I was ignorant and saw only their methods but not their motivations. I don’t agree with their methods, but I understand why they do it. I think Starfleet would too if they sat down and put aside their prejudices and really examined why the Maquis came into existence, to begin with. </p><p>“The Federation failed them, we abandoned them. If my family had been murdered because they refused to leave their homes, their lives, everything that defined and was important to them, I would be pretty pissed off too. I would see it as a senseless tragedy and may even consider taking matters into my own hands. That’s not Stockholm Syndrome that’s walking in someone else’s shoes, seeing things from their perspective. </p><p>“We encourage our children to do this from a very early age. Are they being indoctrinated? Are they merely hostages with limited freedom who begin to view their parents as captors who’ve manipulated them into their way of thinking? Who grows to love and trust them? No, they do it because it’s their responsibility to teach them how to view other perspectives and sympathize with others. What you’re suggesting I’m suffering from is no different than what we do with our children.” </p><p>Jess didn’t speak for a few moments, allowing herself to consider what had been said. She had made some good points, but the issues went far deeper than that, “I appreciate your insight. Thank you,” She stood up, “I’ll leave you alone now, we’ll talk later.”</p><p>When she stepped out into the corridor, other than the security officer assigned outside the door to keep tabs on Janeway’s whereabouts, the man Chakotay had spoken with earlier was waiting for her.</p><p>“So, what do you think?” He asked as they began walking down the corridor toward the turbolift.</p><p>She was still thinking, considering, “Well Dennis, I can tell you this. Her intelligence file didn’t lie when it said she was brilliant. She has a knack for seeing the deeper meaning, one of the many qualities which define her as a great leader. If we put her in front of Starfleet’s Psychiatric Board of Inquiry right now, they’d never believe for a second, she had Stockholm Syndrome. Even though one of the requirements of having the syndrome is forming an alliance with your captor. However, she nor any of them has done that. Being forced to work together for mutual benefit and survival doesn’t qualify. </p><p>“It would have to be proven she willfully entered into an alliance with the Maquis because she believes and supports their cause. She doesn’t agree with their methods, but she understands their motivation as to why they feel the way they do. Not quite the same thing,” She gave a sigh, “If I’m being honest, I feel it’s a waste of time to convince her she has the condition. The more we try to push it the more she resists, and very convincingly I might add. She loves her husband, no question about that, and insists on seeing him.”</p><p>Dennis gave a soft laugh, “Well, Chakotay appears to love her just as much. Convincing him otherwise could be an effort in futility.”</p><p>“You never told me how your initial session with him went,” she said as they stepped into the turbolift and requested their specific decks.</p><p>“He’s not convinced yet that he’s a member of Section 31. The seeds of doubt are there, giving him time alone to think will only make them grow. However, we have five months before we reach Earth, that’s plenty of time for both of us to do our jobs. You’ll just have to get creative with Janeway, come at her from a different angle to accept the condition.”</p><p>“Why?” She said turning to him, “Why is this so important to them? She’s just a Starfleet Captain, I not seeing what makes her so special they would go through all this trouble?”</p><p>He smiled, “Ours is not to question why. Ours is but to do without question. They tend to like it better that way.”</p><p>The turbolift stopped and the doors opened, “See you later,” Dennis said and stepped out.</p><p>When the doors closed again, Jess wasn’t happy about being kept in the dark. She preferred to know the in’s and out’s, the how’s and why’s if you will. There had to be a way to get more information, find out what was really going on. There was only one person she could think of that might be able to give her an answer.</p><p>***</p><p>It had been nearly three years since they last saw one another, and she felt the knot in her stomach right away. Would he still have feelings for her or had that all gone by the wayside? Ringing the chime, she heard his familiar voice float through the external com and say “Enter.”</p><p>The door opened, and before her stood a man who still possessed the ability to make her swoon, “Alos, I’m glad to see you’re back. I was beginning to wonder if you ever would.”</p><p>Internally, he wasn’t prepared to allow himself to feel anything yet. He’d been suppressing it for so long now, along with just about every other emotion that he didn’t know how to let them in again without feeling overwhelmed. Seeing her there, just as he had three years ago leaving his quarters brought his feelings for unexpectedly to the surface, “Jess…I wasn’t certain when you’d find the time to come and pay me a visit. I know how busy you are now.”</p><p>“I was hoping we could talk if you have the time that is,” she said feeling a little nervous.</p><p>He gestured to the sofa. She moved with the same grace he remembered. Her long brown hair, green eyes, and olive skin, conjuring her face from time to time kept him going when he thought he might be on the verge of losing himself completely. Once she’d chosen her seat, he joined her, keeping a comfortable distance between them. It was possible she didn’t feel the same way about him anymore, three years is a long time to ask anyone to wait, and he would never presume to place that demand on her. </p><p>“What did you wish to discuss?” He asked curiously.</p><p>She seemed reluctant to proceed, even though she had initiated the circumstances for their meeting again, “I have a few questions I hope you can answer.”</p><p>He couldn’t help but notice her hesitation. Perhaps she was just as uncertain about him as he was about her, “We are still friends, I hope, if there is something I can help you with all you need do is ask,” He said leaving the door open, it was up to her to walk through it. She smiled softly, and the sight drove a feeling of warmth through his chest.</p><p>“We are, at least I’d hoped we still were. I’m glad to know some things haven’t changed.”</p><p>Both felt at least a small sense of relief.</p><p>“I was wondering,” She began, “Since I have been assigned to work on Captain Janeway, you might be able to help me understand a few things, considering you did observe her for about a year.”</p><p>“Such as?” He questioned gently.</p><p>“Well, I should ask how familiar you are with what they’re asking us to do really.”</p><p>“Are you referring to the whole business with trying to convince the Starfleet crew they’re suffering from Stockholm Syndrome? Or is it something else?”</p><p>“Both, but I was wondering if you had any idea why her. They don’t seem to be as interested in the others, or to what degree we claim they’re suffering from the condition, but her they are determined to have me convinced she has a severe case of it. I’m not sure why it matters so much to them or why she, of all people, needs to be convinced she has the disorder at all. Why has she become so special to them?”</p><p>He didn’t answer right away, not knowing if he knew all the details himself, “I really shouldn’t tell you this, but it’s not her they want. She is merely the means to an end.”</p><p>Jess looked confused, “Then why all the pressure to make her believe she has a condition she doesn’t?”</p><p>“I don’t know if I was told all the details; I only know what I do due to the long debriefing I had when I got back. They wanted to know everything I had observed about her, who she was spending her time with, who she was close to and confided in.”</p><p>“And why was any of that important?”</p><p>“Because they knew something was due to happen during this timeframe, I’m not certain how they know or what means were used to garner the information, but an event was put in motion during this last year, and she is unknowingly responsible for it. Twenty-two years from now, something they consider catastrophic is going to happen. They can’t have her killed, which they claim to have already done once with disastrous results. So, they’re trying a new approach. If they can have her discharged from Starfleet under the guise of a psychiatric condition, then they can keep her locked up quietly and away from prying eyes. That she’s undergoing intensive treatment. After a certain period, passes, she would be either free to go or killed, at that point I don’t think it really mattered to them as to which.”</p><p>She was stunned and unsettled. If the big boys upstairs were playing with time travel it was never a good sign, “What could she have possibly done that would make them go to all this trouble?”</p><p>He answered slowly, “From my understanding, it has something to do with the child she’s carrying. Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.”</p><p>They sat in silence for a moment, allowing the information to settle between them, “It still doesn’t make sense to me. Why do they have to convince her? Why can’t they just claim she has the condition as have it passed through the board of inquiry? It’s not anything they haven’t done before.”</p><p>“I suspect it’s because of who she is. Daughter of a well-known admiral, a captain who makes a harrowing return from the delta quadrant, having spent a year amongst Starfleet’s most wanted. Starfleet Command will want to question her about the Maquis along with everything she saw while she was there, they don’t want that to happen. Not because they care about any of the Maquis secrets getting into Starfleet hands, it’s because once they talk to her, they’ll know there’s nothing wrong with her, at least not enough to convince them. </p><p>“They need them to believe it. That her friends and family believe it, her fiancé, the public, everyone. So poor Captain Janeway can be put away without question. Hell, even recommending or demand she be treated to lead a so-called ‘normal’ life again. Her career would be over, and with the spotlight gone, she’ll fade away into the annals of memory.”</p><p>She wasn’t bothered about playing mind games with anyone they brought her, and she’d been highly successful in the past when it came to convincing someone of any condition, she, or they, deemed the person had when they chose to go that route. This time, however, was different. Janeway wasn’t a criminal, she hadn’t done anything wrong and had an impeccable career with the fleet. She was a loyal and dedicated officer who showed wisdom, strength, resilience, and compassion. This was not a fate that was warranted or deserved as far as she was concerned.</p><p>“What do you think? Personally?”</p><p>He studied her carefully, he’d already said too much, should never have disclosed what he had, but he couldn’t help himself when it came to her, “I think…she deserves better.”</p><p>Jess smiled, “Me too,” she admitted, and held his gaze, “I have just one more question if you don’t mind.”</p><p>He stared into her eyes and knew without words what the question would be, and he couldn’t help but smile, “Go on.”</p><p>“Did you miss me while you were away?”</p><p>“Every second,” he answered without hesitation.</p><p>Before either realized what was happening, their arms where wrapped around the other and their lips came together. Hands wandered, clothes removed, bodies moved in a frenzy of passion before ending in a tangle of arms and legs on the bed. They rolled onto their backs, sweaty, and catching their breaths. She’d missed his touch, but at the same time feeling as though they’d never been apart.</p><p>“So, do they still have you listed as Suder or are you back to Tai now?” She asked, the question popping randomly into her mind.</p><p>He laughed, the question out of place and seemed to come from nowhere, “Lon Suder is done. It’s only Alos Tai now.”</p><p>“Good,” she replied with a smile and rolled onto her side to face him, allowing her hand to caress his cheek, “And when will you get your old face back?”</p><p>“What’s wrong with my face?” He asked, sounding playfully offended.</p><p>“It’s not the one I fell in love with,” She replied with a gentle smile before allowing her hand to slide down his neck, across his chest, to his stomach, and rest against his groin which caused a soft groan to escape his lips, “But this has not changed, just the same as I remember.”</p><p>“Well, I asked if they could make it smaller, but they didn’t know what to do with the excess,” he replied with a wicked grin. </p><p>“Shame, I could have used it while you were gone,” she quipped before their lips met again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Five months later…</b>
</p>
<p>Harry Kim was tired of everyone underestimating him. Since the first day he arrived on Voyager until he was transported to the Val Jean, no one seemed to give him much notice. He hadn’t been able to prove himself as he’d hoped, to have the career he’d dreamed of since he was a boy. His time with the Maquis had given him a new focus, one where his efforts and ideas had been appreciated and encouraged. </p>
<p>Jor had been someone he’d become close to, the one person through the year of hell who was there for him. He needed to get her back, she, nor any of the others, deserved the fate Starfleet had planned for them. They were close now, at any time they would be back on Earth and with their families, but for him, there would always be at least one person missing, Jor. </p>
<p>He had to do something to help her and the others but didn’t know what. If he only knew where they were being held, he could formulate a plan for all of them to escape, extending the invitation to the Starfleet crew he’d served with over that year. He’d spoken with Janeway and the others, not about his idea, they were never given any chance to speak together unsupervised. However, they did their best to try and communicate using a speech pattern developed by the Maquis to relay information without having to say what you really meant plainly. </p>
<p>He’d adapted a lot of Starfleet terminology to replace the words the Maquis used, knowing that Starfleet may already be aware of the secret language, but may not have suspected it using Starfleet lingo as the base. It had been about four months since he started using it. Slowly and painfully frustrating, he began using it during conversations with Janeway, Tuvok, Lang, Kaplan, and Nozawa, hoping they would pick up on the subtle aspects. </p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Tuvok to figure out what he was saying, but it took the other’s a while longer. He’d been surprised by how long it took Janeway to get the hint, but she did have a lot more on her mind than the rest of them. She was seven months pregnant and missing her husband who’d they’d not let her see since she arrived. </p>
<p>Even though they had been able to exchange information, they hadn’t gained any useful information that would allow them to free themselves and their Maquis family. They could have made an escape attempt on their own, just the six of them, but Janeway, along with the rest of them bar Tuvok, had found someone, and none of them were going to leave them behind. It had to be all or none.</p>
<p>Janeway had been changing over the last few months, more than just physically, it was her behavior. She slowly began to express more than just an affiliation with the Maquis, she had embraced and accepted their cause, making it her own. She had expressed an intense loathing, at times, for Starfleet and the Cardassians. As the weeks turned to months, and now at the end of their trip she was fully on board with their methods, ideology, and motivations.</p>
<p>Starfleet and the Federation were just a group of bullies who didn’t really care or understand the people they governed. If they had, how could anyone have allowed the Cardassians to murder innocent people and push them off their land and then turn a blind eye to their suffering, all due to where a planet fell on an astronomical chart. </p>
<p>He found the behavior disturbing on many levels. That a woman who had spent the majority of her life, up until a little over a year and a half ago, was slowly throwing all that away to align herself with a group that the Federation believed were terrorists. It didn’t seem likely in many ways, but at the same time, could understand how her thinking might have been altered the longer Starfleet kept her and Chakotay apart. </p>
<p>He cared about them, sure, but take up their cause himself? Not likely, he still believed in the Federation and what it stood for but was disappointed with the means they chose to handle the situation. It certainly made him seriously question himself as to whether he would continue his career with the fleet or move into the private sector. </p>
<p>Several hours later, they arrived on Earth. All of them were transported down to Starfleet Command where they were given comfortable accommodations and a day or two of rest before being debriefed. Janeway underwent another medical workup due to her pregnancy to make certain there were no abnormalities with the baby. Once they were satisfied, they began to debrief her as well. </p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Starfleet Command to agree with the mental health assessment, that she was suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. They had people who knew her well, come in to speak with her so they could verify the condition. Lastly, was her own family.</p>
<p>Kathryn was being held in a standard one-bedroom apartment, equipped with a food replicator and full bath. Due to the nature of her condition, anything she required would need to be brought in. A security officer stood outside the door when Mark Johnson arrived. He had been told by her mother Gretchen that Kathryn had changed, she was not the same woman he remembered. However, she hoped that once she had completed the intensive psychiatric treatment program, she would be able to return home to them. </p>
<p>It had been particularly hard for her to tell him, and for him to hear and accept, that she had not only married her captor but was nearly eight months pregnant with their child. Even though he knew this information as he stood here before her door, seeing the evidence with his own eyes was going to extremely difficult.</p>
<p>After the security officer had confirmed his identity, and that he was on the list, he could enter. The moment the door opened, and he laid eyes on her, his heart leaped into his throat. She was as beautiful as he remembered, the pregnancy only seemed to accentuate and compliment her beauty in a way he hadn’t envisioned. It was supposed to be his child she was carrying, that had been the plan once they were married.</p>
<p>He’d only proposed a few weeks before she was offered her own command, Voyager, her promotion only having come six months before. They would discuss dates when she returned from her mission to the Badlands and decide on one that worked best for everyone’s schedule. He asked her before she left if she had any plans of wearing a wedding gown, remembering the subtle look of amusement on her face, she would be wearing her dress uniform as far as she was aware. But, since he wasn’t part of the fleet, and if he really wanted her to, she would consider the idea. He did, having envisioned her in such a gown long before he’d asked the question.</p>
<p>Stepping into the room, he paid close attention to her expression, body language, and eyes. Within a few seconds, he took in her form, didn’t see any trace of the woman he loved, who he had been waiting to return to him. There was no sense of familiarity to her, no knowing looks or secret smiles. This woman was a stranger who shared Kathryn’s face. The sight made him want to weep but staved off the feeling. </p>
<p>“Hello Kathryn, it’s good to see you,” he said once the door closed behind him.</p>
<p>She sat on the sofa, a cup of what he assumed was coffee, her favorite beverage in her hands. Her eyes regarded him with no sense of longing, he had been reduced to a lower status, one that did not include him as a lover any longer, “Mark,” she replied and gestured to the chair across the coffee table opposite her.</p>
<p>He took the seat she offered and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped together, “How are you? You look well,” it felt awkward, this encounter. He wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to stay, much less continue.</p>
<p>“The baby is restless and keeps me up most nights, but other than that I’m alright,” she replied smoothly as if he were just another acquaintance and she was making idle conversation. </p>
<p>She didn’t seem to have any idea how much this was killing him, or that it even mattered to her in any way. For her to have moved forward with her life meant she had let go of him, but he hadn’t been given that luxury. Until four months ago, he had been mourning her death, trying to find some way of making peace with it. Now she was back from the dead, and a ghost of her former self to his mind. </p>
<p>The last few months had been a kind of hell he hadn’t ever imagined having to endure. The woman he loved going from alive, to dead, to alive again, never being told of her current mental status during those months. It was explained that, or they had hoped rather, that by the time they returned back to Federation space she would have had a mental shift in her thinking due to the intense therapy she was undergoing during their trip. Obviously, it hadn’t worked, only digging her nails further into this new philosophy. By the time they arrived, everyone had to be told what her status was, unchanged.</p>
<p>He’d only had a couple of weeks to process the information, far too little a time to come to terms with it. How could this have happened? How could she under any circumstances allow herself to embrace the Maquis ideals? Did they torture her? Starve her? Play mind games with her? From his experience, she had iron fortitude, her ideas, beliefs, thoughts, even though she could be flexible, didn’t break.</p>
<p>She had been with them for a little over a year, had been told about the horrible living conditions she and the rest of them had to endure. There were no outlets for intellectual or creative expression on that ship unless you consider fist-fighting an intellectual pastime or playing cards a form of creative expression. She had been personally treated as an outcast for the first few months, the Maquis crew gossiping about her behind her back or overhearing harsh and unflattering remarks about herself. Hell, the other Starfleet crew had been treated with more respect. She had been singled out, and he couldn’t help but think it had been done deliberately. </p>
<p>Were they trying to recruit her from the beginning or did the idea occur later? Her only close friendship for the first few months had been Tuvok from what he was told, but the Maquis Captain Chakotay had been trying to work his way into her good graces for months. But on a ship that small, emotionally isolated from the rest of your shipmates, ignored, treated horribly, it wouldn’t be surprising in the least that eventually, she would take any relief or comfort offered.</p>
<p>The knowledge that she had allowed herself to sleep with the man both saddened and angered him, but overall, he couldn’t blame her for. She never would have done it had she not been mentally and emotionally worn down like that. She must have thought in desperation that by accepting his comfort, it would make her circumstances a little more bearable. She couldn’t possibly have wanted him, had feelings for him that evolved naturally. She had to of convinced herself that she did, so much so that she would not only willingly marry him but bare his child. </p>
<p>“Do you know what you’re having or is it a surprise?” He asked, forcing himself to keep the conversation going.</p>
<p>A slim deceptively delicate-looking hand came down to rub the ample swell of her stomach, a crooked smile gracing her lips, “A girl.”</p>
<p>He could feel the air catch in his throat, by the way she looked at him in that moment. It was almost as if she were her old self again, “Congratulations,” he said, then immediately chastised himself. What the hell was that? Congratulations? Are you fucking serious? She’s nearly eight months pregnant with another man’s child and all you can say is fucking congratulations?</p>
<p>Standing abruptly, his face distorted with emotion, he stared at her. There were so many things he wanted to say, to tell her. So many questions that had been running through his mind since learning the news she was alive, then being told she was alive but different. He couldn’t stand it, he had to know. “How could you do it?” He spat angrily, “How could marry that man and have his child after what he put you through? We Kathryn,” He emphasized by quickly moving his hand toward her and back to himself several times, “we were supposed to be together, that was supposed to be our child, you are supposed to be my wife. How could you throw all that away? Do you have any idea of the hell I’ve been through? I feel more like Dante going through my own damn kind of inferno. It was supposed to be you and me, Kathryn, for life remember?”</p>
<p>Her face was blank, almost hard and completely void of expression, “I don’t know what you would like me to say, Mark. How I can make what’s happened better for you? I can’t change it, alter it, or pretend it didn’t happen or change how I feel now,” She paused, her voice becoming quieter, gentler, her expression becoming sympathetic, “It was never my intention to hurt you. I hope you know that. My life changed along with my feelings, and I’m sorry that I can’t make the knowledge any easier for you. You’re a wonderful man, and you will find someone who is more deserving of you. I’m sorry it can’t be me anymore.”</p>
<p>He was stunned, “That’s it? That’s all you have to say to me is that you’re sorry and you wish me well?” The anger returned, “Did you ever really love me or where you just stringing me along until you found someone better?”</p>
<p>She didn’t want to answer, because the implication of his words meant she had always been disingenuous from the beginning, and if he were thinking clearly, he never would have said them, “You know that’s not true.”</p>
<p>“Do I? Do I really Kathryn? Do I know that all those kisses, the way you told me you loved me, the way we made love together, the little sighs and moans you made when I touched you were real? The promises we made to each other. The dreams we shared. That any of those were real?”</p>
<p>Her face had gone hard, obviously so, the way it always did when she was becoming angry. What he was saying wasn’t just a matter of questioning her thoughts and feelings, but her intentions and morals. As if she were capable of being so grotesquely dishonest and desperate to hang on to him or any man just to feel she belonged to someone, and if she had some dire need to feel loved and accepted. </p>
<p>“I know you’re hurt and angry Mark, but I would pay very close attention to what you’re saying right now. If you continue, you may provoke a response you won’t like. I promise you.” The tone of her voice was low and deep, the one he was very familiar with when he knew he on the verge of pushing her too far.</p>
<p>The warning tone of her voice was usually enough to stop him from going further, reminding him he was about to tread into a territory reserved for the full brunt of her anger. In the past, he was aware of how she reacted once someone pushed her that far, and she could hold a grudge for a very long time. Did he really want this to be the way this conversation ended? With her hating him. Regardless of the current circumstances and how they occurred, he could never stand the thought of her being angry with him, even now at the end of their relationship. </p>
<p>“You’re right, I went too far, I’m sorry,” he said and released a sigh, the anger dissipating into sadness and regret, “I know you’re not that kind of woman. I apologize for making the implication. I just don’t know how to say goodbye to you, to what I thought our lives were going to be. You have a very dangerous occupation, and I had always been prepared that one day I could lose you, but I never considered it would be like this. It’s hard to let go,” Before he knew it, tears were streaming down his face without warning. He covered his face with his hand, trying to cover his eyes, his other arm pressed tightly against his chest he sobbed, really sobbed for the first time in many years. </p>
<p>He was startled when he felt a touch on his shoulder and pulled back, eyes blurred with tears as his head swiveled in the direction of the unexpected touch. Wiping at his eyes, he could see Kathryn’s face. Her eyes were no longer hard but kind, compassionate. She offered him a gentle smile as she pulled him into her arms, offering comfort. He accepted it, knowing this would probably be the last time he ever saw or touched her. </p>
<p>He wanted to remember everything about this moment. The way her skin felt, her smell, all the visual and audible details that would have to last him for a lifetime. All too soon it was over, and she had pulled away from him, “I wish for you the one thing I have always wished for you. To be happy,” she said softly, “I want that so much for you, especially now.”</p>
<p>He smiled slightly, his heart lifting somewhat, and reached out to caress her cheek and was reminded once again of the change in their relationship when she pulled back and grasped his hand gently between hers and held it. Her eyes conveying that this behavior was no longer acceptable and that it would only hurt him in the end if she allowed it. The smile on his lips faltered but didn’t fade completely. She squeezed his hand, “I know you don’t want to hear this but I still feel this way, and I suspect I will continue to for quite some time, but I love you Kathryn, and I wish you all the happiness you wish for me.”</p>
<p>She nodded and released his hand. He stole one last look at her before walking out the door. Once she was alone, she stared at the door for quite some time. Feeling horrible for hurting him but knowing at the same time it couldn’t be helped. A single tear made its way down her cheek, it was the only tear she would allow the ones she knew were watching her to see. </p>
<p>
  <b>Five months earlier…</b>
</p>
<p>The day’s session with Jess went much the same way it usually did. It was the same conversation, trying to avoid the same thrusts, while she parried. Kathryn was growing tired of the game and needed a rest, but Jess was relentless in her subtle insistence. You never spoke plainly to the other, it was how the game was played, subterfuge.</p>
<p>Kathryn laid her head back on the chair, and somewhere within those few seconds, there was an immediate shift in the atmosphere of the room. Jess’s demeanor went from the part of concerned Counselor to practiced intensity, “Don’t move, I only have about fifteen seconds before they catch somethings wrong. Fake morning sickness and go to the bathroom, I will join you.” She finished, before slipping back into the character she had been playing previously.</p>
<p>Kathryn closed her eyes, wondering if this was a ploy to earn her trust, but she was intrigued by her words, and at the very least wanted to know was she was playing at. She placed a hand over her stomach and gave a slight groan. </p>
<p>“Are you alright Kathryn?” Jess asked, playing the part of concerned professional rather well. </p>
<p>“I’m fine. Please, continue,” she replied with a wave of her hand. It was all about the performance with these people, what was put on for show. </p>
<p>She did, continuing to extol the virtues of the Federation while at the same time, hinting at the benefits of the Maquis way of life. Kathryn was impressed with her technique, and if she were someone who didn’t understand the finer points of their discussion and possess fortitude and willpower to resist the constant barrage, she would be on the verge of giving in to her suggestions. However, she was curious to know what she wanted to tell her that could be outside of the discussion they were having now.</p>
<p>Suddenly, Kathryn jumped up and ran toward the bathroom and plopped herself in front of the aluminum toilet, pushing her tongue to the back of her throat to make herself gag. Jess stood up and moved quickly toward her. “Oh, you poor dear,” she said stepping inside and putting a hand on Kathryn’s back and rubbed slowly. Kathryn indicated she close the door and she gave her a slight smile and did.</p>
<p>Turning around, she looked back at Kathryn and began to speak in a low clear voice, “We only have about two or three minutes before someone just happens to come and pay you a visit, so don’t talk just listen,” and she remained silent knelt down on the floor, “The bosses upstairs need you to believe you have Stockholm Syndrome, they have plans for you that do not include a happy ending or you ever seeing Chakotay again. They want your baby, and once they have you committed to a psychiatric hospital, they will take it. You will have an accident I’m sure after that if you don’t miraculously die in childbirth. </p>
<p>“The only way I can help you, Chakotay, and the others escape is for you to make them believe it. You play the game well, and I know you don’t have the condition and my continuing to try and encourage you to believe it will most likely not work, at least not in the timetable we have. Anyone can be worn down eventually, it would only be a matter of time, but they don’t have it. I need you to start convincing them their plan is succeeding. You and the others are constantly being monitored, none of you are ever alone. Except in the bathroom, it’s the only place they don’t place listening or video surveillance.  </p>
<p>“Once we reach Earth and they see you perform the song and dance they’re needing you to extol and are committed by the board of psychiatrists the focus will no longer be on you, they will relax their guard and we can help all of you escape long before you give birth. You won’t ever be able to be part of the fleet again, you’ll be a citizen, but I suspect that was your plan once you made it home, to begin with. So, you don’t need to trust me, you just need to give a convincing performance. I and my associates will do the rest once you’ve played your part.”</p>
<p>Her voice changed and became louder, filling with concern, “I think we should end our session for now,” she said and opened the door, “You should get some rest, pregnancy can be extremely hard on a woman, and you’ll need all your strength in order to get well, so you can be there for care for your baby when they arrive. Just think about everything we’ve talked about; it will aid in your recovery,” she continued as she helped her over to the bed.</p>
<p>Kathryn lay down, thinking over what she’d just been told. If any part of what she’d just revealed was true she was in for a very bleak future, but if she was lying, she would be walking into a trap, willingly going along with the ploy and end up locked up anyway, if she continued to resist as she was, whoever wanted her to believe she was ill may take more drastic measures to get what they want, putting Chakotay and the others at risk. </p>
<p>
  <b>Five months later…</b>
</p>
<p>Kathryn stood at the door, having watched Mark walk out of her life forever. This was not the way she wanted to have this conversation. The emotional toll this feigned condition of her caused. She had done the same with her mother, her sister, the friends she had in the fleet, Admirals and Captains she’d served with. She had convinced them all, and Mark had been the last hurdle before the finish line.</p>
<p>There was no question now they would choose to commit her. Her part had been played, and now she expected Jess to play hers. They had continued to have brief and always short conversations over the last five months, had developed their own kind of language that allowed them to discuss the plan without letting her bosses know she had any idea what was being planned. </p>
<p>Kathryn had put all her trust and faith into her promise over time, beginning to see the signs for herself the more she continued to resist the idea she was ill. Everything Jess had told her would happen was coming to pass. Now, it was all up to her to implement the next stage in the plan. Kathryn had been slowly making peace with the knowledge that if they succeeded, it might be years before she saw her family again, maybe never. </p>
<p>If it meant protecting them along with Chakotay and their child she would find a way to be okay with it because staying away from her mother and sister was the only way to protect them. They would be watched by Section 31 for a long time, their coms monitored, correspondence, their homes. They would be followed out in public to see who they met with; did they suddenly acquire any new friends. The unknown invasion of privacy would continue until such time as they believed Kathryn would not contact them again. </p>
<p>She’d gotten used to the lack of privacy. Having to keep up the performance in all aspects of her life. Alienating herself from her fellow offers that served with her on the Val Jean and anyone new who’d crossed her path. She’d have to maintain this fiction until the day finally came when she didn’t have to. She was close now, so close to freedom, and she continuously worried and wondered what kind of hell her husband was being put through. It was a knowledge Jess never revealed. Either meaning she didn’t know or more likely didn’t want her mind cluttered with the distraction of knowing. </p>
<p>She decided to take a bath, knowing the act would ease her tension and the extra pressure the baby was putting on her back. Her daughter had been restless, extremely so, as if she were aware of the situation and worried over the consequences if everything didn’t go to plan. She had invested everything she loved and cared about into it. Failure was not an option and had spent that time gathering as much information as she could about her captors. If she was being led astray, she would have a means at striking at their collective heart.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Identity and memory can be a funny thing. One moment you’re the Captain of a Maquis Raider, the next, you’re being told you used to be the captain of a starship and your name is William Blake. A person who seems as foreign and strange as the man whose memories you’re told you possess.</p><p>Dennis had done a pretty good job of planting the seeds of doubt because he had been thinking about what he said nearly every minute since the information was revealed. However, he couldn’t bring himself to fully accept it either. His friendship with B’Elanna, Ayala, Tabor, and O’Donnell was real. The love he had for his wife Kathryn was very real, as well as the love he held for their unborn child. </p><p>He was told that when they returned to Earth, he would undergo the procedure to not only restore his physical appearance but his memories. It was the last thing he wanted. Preferring to live out the rest of his life as who he was now, with all his current memories intact. This was the only life he was interested in living. He may never know for sure if he had been altered if, in truth, he was this man named William Blake, and his memories were that of a man named Kele. None of that mattered. </p><p>What did matter, was getting back to his wife, the woman he loved and desperately wanted to be with. He couldn’t know what they were putting her through, what methods were being used to manipulate her into someone she wasn’t, or if they had bothered to do anything at all. </p><p>The last few months had been difficult, and there were times he almost gave in and accepted their version of the truth. He was ashamed to admit it, but there was always a small part of them that resisted their words, their evidence, it was the only thing that saved him. Every time they told him to let go of this life, to forget about Kathryn, it only made him cling harder to the life she was part of. If he’d never found her, fell in love, he knew, under those circumstances, he would have eventually come to accept it and let go of Chakotay forever.</p><p>Dennis Corbin, his guide, mentor, and only real connection to the world had been relentless in his application of the truth. However, when he was introduced to a man by the name of Alos Tai, there was something familiar about him Chakotay could never quite decipher. He had never been allowed to wander the ship freely, and always in the presence of a member of Section 31. </p><p>If he wanted to access more information about any of his so-called comrades, the information was provided with redaction. There were secrets he wasn’t allowed to know in his current state, not until he had undergone the transformation which would return him to the life, they claimed was his. </p><p>Three months into the journey, he was alone with Alos in his quarters. He seemed to be a man Section 31 put a great deal of respect and trust in. When they started talking together, he never tried to reinforce the idea he was someone other than who he believed himself to be. There was also an easy camaraderie between them as if he’d known him for years. For Chakotay, it was like spending time with an old friend. </p><p>He enjoyed their conversations; it was the only time he felt he could be himself without having to keep his guard fully in place. They would discuss the current journey to Earth, what kinds of foods they enjoyed, what sports they liked to watch or play. He never asked any personal questions, always keeping the light of their discussions and infusing them with humor. So, he was more than surprised when he asked him something off the beaten path of their usual topics of discussion. Causing Chakotay to once again question if all this had been another rouse to confuse him.</p><p>“What are your thoughts are time travel?” Alos asked, then took a sip from the brandy snifter in his hand. </p><p>“Gives me a headache. Why?” Chakotay asked slowly, then took a sip from his own snifter.</p><p>He leaned back in the chair, looking thoughtful, “I was told not to discuss anything with you that might reinforce the fiction you currently believe. That was considered a no-no, but it’s hard to continue small talk indefinitely. Would you not agree?”</p><p>Chakotay nodded, as his mind wondered. Was it their intention all along to keep him off balance? Let him become comfortable enough with this person so they could extract any plans for either escape or where his current loyalties lie? All that was possible, and he didn’t put it past them if this was in fact, the plan currently being implemented. He would have to be very careful what he chose to disclose until he could be certain of Alos’ intentions. </p><p>“Like your wife, for example, you must be wondering how she’s fairing? I certainly would be in your position, but it’s my understanding you’ve stopped asking about her.”</p><p>Chakotay shrugged, “I stopped because there was no point. No one would answer the question.”</p><p>“She demands to see you every day. Has been from the day she arrived from what I’ve been told. It’s clear she loves you. Do you not feel the same?”</p><p>He had to be very careful here how he chose to answer this question, “I’ve been told my feeling are irrelevant.”</p><p>“Are they?” He asked slightly amused and took another sip from the snifter, “On the contrary, sometimes it’s the love you have for another person that makes life worth living. The way they look at you, touch you, the way they start to become as important to you as your heart, your lungs, you couldn’t live without them if they were taken, so it is with the person you love, the one you can’t be without. Have your feelings for her changed?”</p><p>Chakotay couldn’t help but feel he was being set up. Of course, his feelings for her hadn’t changed. In fact, they had only grown stronger over time. He would dream about her, being with her, and what their life might be if none of this were happening. If they’d never tried to confirm that Federation signal and just kept going, “Why does it matter? I’ve been told I’ll never see her again.”</p><p>He leaned forward, holding the snifter in his hand and gently swirling the contents, “What if I told you there was a way, but only if you played your part.”</p><p>Chakotay gave a wry smile, “I’m already playing my part. I’ve given you my cooperation, this constant testing of my loyalties has become tiresome.”</p><p>Alos laughed heartily as he leaned back in the chair again, a twinkle in his eye, “And a fine job you’re doing,” he acknowledged, “They’re quite pleased with your progress, but you and I both know you’re only biding time until you find a means of escape which will, at the very least, allow you and Janeway to leave. Even if that means you must come back to free the rest of your companions later,” he said and drained the last of the snifter’s contents, placing it on the table between them.</p><p>Continuing to stay leaning forward he continued, “I know you Captain, and over the weeks we’ve been having these conversations, I can see you trying to work it out. Why do I seem so familiar?” He didn’t receive an answer, and to be honest, Alos didn’t expect one, he thought this was another mind game, and in a way, it was, but not the one he thought was being played, “I have a memory of an event that happened over two years ago. I was sitting with a man who didn’t really trust me, and we were both pinned down by a hostile force. We had been stuck there for nearly three days. The food and water we had on us had run out, and we were waiting for their forces to advance so we’d have the tactical edge, or we were rescued. </p><p>“It had become the longest game of cat and mouse we’d ever played together. Wondering, waiting, trying to anticipate what our enemy’s actions might be, knowing there were few options left to us. I remember him turning toward me on that third day and asking me if I were to die right now, would it have all been worth it. I, of course, told him, yes, and he looked at me for a long time before speaking again. His eyes told me a story of his doubt, and that if he could go back in time he would change the past, make different choices, “If we die here,” he said, “I need someone to know that a life with no purpose, no reason to continue beyond hatred and revenge is no life at all, that if I die here, it will be with regret. </p><p>“I understood him perfectly, and I never saw it as a sign of weakness, because I felt the same way. Wishing I could change the past, make different choices that would give me a more meaningful future. It was then, you looked at me for another moment and asked, Suder, are you ready to tempt fate with me? I remember giving you a smile, which you returned and replied, Why not? Then we began to flank them, catching the Cardassian Commander by surprise and using him as a hostage and body shield to secure our escape. I felt I understood more about you at that moment that I had in the last year.”</p><p>Chakotay was stunned, he’d forgotten about that incident until now. It was one of the few times he’d ever allowed himself to become that vulnerable and open with another person, “Suder? Is that really you?”</p><p>He nodded, “Just so you’re aware. I never mentioned what really happened to Seska, to anyone. That was just between us, and if I’m being honest, I didn’t like her anyway. However, I do have one question for you?”</p><p>“What’s that?” Chakotay asked draining he last of his snifter as well and placing it on the table. </p><p>“She was crazier than I am. How did you manage to keep sleeping with her for so long?”</p><p>He shrugged, “Loneliness I guess, but she did keep me on my toes, kept life interesting for a while. Until she became a level of crazy, I couldn’t cope with any longer. Besides, she was good for the old rough and tumble, a phrase I heard your associate Dennis tell me once.” </p><p>They shared a laugh, “So, what was it about Janeway that made you want to change so much?”</p><p>“I didn’t think I had.” </p><p>“You may not have noticed, but you did, and almost overnight. You seemed to become more at peace with yourself, it was a side of you I’d never seen before except for when we were alone and thought we were going to die,” Also stated.</p><p>Chakotay thought about for a moment, wondering how much he was willing to reveal, “I fell in love. It was as simple as that.”</p><p>“You’d never been in love before?” Alos asked, sounding a little surprised.</p><p>“I’ve been in lust many times, but love, never. It wasn’t something I thought I would ever allow myself to have until she came into my life. I began to feel the pull from the moment we met, and so did she. We danced around it for a while, tried to pretend it didn’t exist, but we knew on some level it was always inevitable.”</p><p>Alos nodded this time, in complete understanding of that feeling, “Jess and I have the same connection.”</p><p>“Jess?” He questioned.</p><p>“That’s right, you’ve never met. She’s the one who’s been ‘treating’ your wife,” He answered and made a set of quotations in the air at the treating part of the sentence, “We’ve discussed both your circumstances, as well as the rest of the Starfleet and Maquis crew, and came to a decision pretty early on that what the big bosses were doing wasn’t in the best interest of the organization. Especially when time travel became involved,” He admitted freely. </p><p>Chakotay felt a little like a yo-yo, going from subterfuge to what appeared to be in your face honesty. He was growing weary of it, “I’m not in the mood for another session of mind games Alos.”</p><p>“It’s hard to tell when someone’s being honest with you anymore, isn’t it? Always having to question and examine every word, every sentence, the way the information was spoken or passed on. It’s one of the more tiring aspects of the game, but you can’t stop playing it can you? It’s maddening and exhausting, and something I didn’t miss when I was assigned to infiltrate the Maquis, and like you, I’ve grown weary of it.”</p><p>Chakotay leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He needed to know something, and maybe Alos could finally give him an answer he could trust, “I know I’m taking a huge leap of faith here, but, am I really this William Blake person they’re so adamant I am or am I who I believe myself to be?”</p><p>Alos regarded him casually, studying him carefully. Should he reveal the truth or allow him to keep going in a state of ambivalence? Finally, he replied, but with a question of his own, “I’ll answer your question, but you have to answer one of mine.” Chakotay nodded, uncertain as to what he might request of him, “If I tell you what you want to know, are you prepared to help me in the process?”</p><p>He looked puzzled, “Help you with what?”</p><p>“Getting out. I want out of this life, but I need to put a stop to what the bosses are doing before any of us will be safe. If not, the whole thing will start over again. They’ve already done it once, your wife died in that timeline before they reset it. It didn’t work out too well for them in the end apparently, so they reset it. I believe this is their second attempt, I have no intention of allowing them a third. Jess and I want to start a new life together, one that doesn’t involve Section 31 any longer. I've been quietly gathering allies since I’ve been back, Jess has too, but we will need your help to pull it off. Janeway has already committed to the cause, allowing the bosses to believe she has Stockholm Syndrome, and she will maintain that fiction until we no longer need her to do so. She’s taking a huge risk, along with the rest of us. I just need to know if you’re willing to the same.”</p><p>He considered his words, the inflection, his face, his gestures, and everything in his gut told him he was being completely honest, “If it means getting Kathryn and our child back, I’ll do whatever’s necessary.”</p><p>Alos smiled, “Good, I was hoping you’d say that. Now, to answer your question. No, you’re not William Blake, they made him up along with the man named Kele. You are who you believe yourself to be. But once we reach Earth that will change, they have plans to induct you into Section 31. They’ve already been working up memories for William Blake along with a new genetic profile. It usually takes about a year before they’re ready to proceed, so we have time, but not as much as we’d like to tie up every loose end.”</p><p>“What do you need me to do?” </p><p>Alos leaned forward, and with as much conviction as he could express replied, “Play along.”</p><p>***</p><p>Chakotay played along, allowed them to believe he had come to the decision slowly he was William Blake and spent his time learning the lessons they wanted to teach. He had become quite adept at learning their methods, paying close attention to their techniques. He and Alos didn’t meet unless it was necessary. The last thing either of them wanted was to draw suspicion. </p><p>The one thing that kept him going was the thought of seeing Kathryn again. He dreamed of her, seeing her sometimes naked in his bed on the Val Jean, touching her, hearing the sounds she made that made him moan in response. Those dreams were dangerous, he wasn’t out of the woods yet, constantly being watched. He knew the bathroom was the only place they didn’t put any kind of surveillance. Who wanted to watch someone on the toilet, honestly? Unless you were one of those kinds of people who really got into that sort of thing. </p><p>It was there he had to take care of his urges when he awoke in the middle of the night having had one of his more erotic dreams about her. Then there were the dreams where he thought she was going to die, lying there on the out of date biobed with a patched-up lung. Wondering, worrying, hoping he would find the means Smithee needed to bring her back to him. </p><p>Smithee was someone he hadn’t thought of in a while, and for good reason. She had been like a mother to him, not to mention the entire crew, even to the Starfleet personnel they’d brought on board. She treated Paris like a son, having confessed to him one day how Tom reminded her of her own son who’d died at the hands of the Cardassian’s a few years ago, which had brought her to the Maquis, leaving her post as a Starfleet officer and tossing her lot in with the rest of them. It was more than just the physical resemblance; it was his behavior. In many ways, it felt like the universe had brought him back to life. She didn’t want Paris to know this of course but needed to share those thoughts with someone she trusted, and she knew Chakotay would keep her secrets to himself. </p><p>Just as he, Jess, and Alos had a secret between them. Jess would pass on messages to Alos about Kathryn, who in turn, would pass them on to Chakotay. He relished and cherished those moments regarding any information about how she and the baby were doing, and when he learned they were having a girl he was over the moon. He hoped she looked just like her mother, but the changes were of course, unlikely. Dark eyes and skin were usually more dominant, but there was always the chance. </p><p>He wanted this baby, he wanted to hold both of them in his arms more than anything, and he was determined to do whatever he must to make sure Kathryn had been removed from Section 31’s grasp before their child was born, knowing if she wasn’t, he’d never see her or Kathryn again. If he by some miracle had found her again, if they had failed, she wouldn’t be the same woman he fell in love with. They would have changed her, gotten their claws into her, convinced her with drugs if necessary, after their child was born, there was more wrong with her upstairs than just Stockholm Syndrome. It was a fate he would not allow her to bear. </p><p>Alos never told him who he and Jess’s associates were, which in the end, was probably a wise idea. Not having that knowledge kept him sharp and, on his toes, which was most likely the reason Alos never told him to begin with.</p><p>After five months of playing the game, he was more than tired of it, he was mentally exhausted by it. He didn’t know how Alos and Jess did it day after day, year after year. It took a certain kind of person who enjoys subterfuge, the subtleties of the delicate and intricate, idiocentric and allocentrism traits which make up the act of collectivism. It was a practice he was happy to abandon at the earliest opportunity. </p><p>Before he could begin to consider the future, he would have to deal with the present, and what had to be done to prevent the leaders of Section 31, or as Alos referred to as ‘the bosses’, from seeing their plan come to fruition. The timeline had been changed at least once, that they knew of, but beyond that, had no way of knowing if this had been the only time until Alos had managed, with great risk, to sit in on a conversation with those bosses.</p><p>He had learned during the discussion, there had been multiple incursions. More than any of them would have guessed. In each instance the timeline had been changed, disaster had been the result. In some ways, he was comforted to know that no matter the timeline, no matter the circumstance, he and Kathryn had always found each other. They had always managed to become pregnant somehow, and a girl was always the result. What that girl became when she grew up, always happened at the age of twenty-one, and whatever it was, ended their organization as they knew it. </p><p>In the timeline where Kathryn had been killed before she could give birth to their child had also ended in catastrophe. Someone would always come along, who had been inspired by her life or directly by her, had risen and again, though their actions, intentionally or not, ended their organization as a result. It was as if their destruction had become a fixed point in time which could not be avoided, but they were determined to find a way to circumvent the outcome. They had nothing but time on their hands to constantly rewind the previous events and begin anew. </p><p>Chakotay, Jess, nor Alos were content to allow them to keep repeating this loop indefinitely. It had to end, one way or another. If that meant he’d have to give up his life for Kathryn and their daughter to go on he would, but she would have to be free first before he could allow that particular sacrifice, if it was one he had to make at all, to occur.</p><p>Everything they worked for was coming down to this moment, and he could almost taste it. Freedom. He was ready, their plan was in place. They would remove their means of altering the past to allow the future to play out as it was always meant to. Whatever that happened to be. </p><p>***</p><p>Kathryn was alone in a comfortable chair which allowed her the back support she needed along with the ability to push herself up easily. She was reading “The Picture of Dorian Gray” by Oscar Wilde. She was nearly halfway through the book when the lights went out. The only reason anyone knew the door to her apartment opened was by the sound of the swish it made. It was too dark to see anything clearly. The person monitoring the cameras attempted to switch to night vision but was unsuccessful, by the time he switched to infrared red, he saw the woman feeling her way to the door, searching for the exit. Finally, she found it, but it wouldn’t open. </p><p>Turning, she felt her way over to the com system and attempted to use that once she’d located it, but again, it wasn’t working. She seemed at a loss as to what to do next. After a moment, she felt her way to the small cupboard near the replicator, hoping to find something that would provide an emergency light source. Once finding it, opened the cabinet door and reached inside. Her hand touched over many items until she felt something that might be a flashlight. Pulling out the item she turned it over in her hands until she found the switch and a cone of light appeared. </p><p>He watched as she headed into the bathroom and closed the door. She stayed in there for several minutes before exiting again in her nightgown. Shining the light onto the bed, she pulled down the covers and sat before turning off the light, setting it on the nightstand, and climbing into bed. Perhaps thinking that whatever the problem was with the power, it might be solved by the time she awoke. </p><p>There were no windows in the room, no external light to filter in to use the night vision but it wasn’t working anyway, with that he could have gotten a good look at her face, but since she’d never gotten the doors to reopen figured she had been put on lockdown. The infrared would have to do. He continued to watch as she lay in the bed for several hours, her heat signature never deviating from her spot on the bed. As far as he was concerned, everything was fine but did call down to find out what the issue with the power was. He was advised that all the surrounding buildings' power had shut down, appearing to be some sort of problem with the power distribution network, but should be corrected within a few hours. </p><p>Similar instances happened in several of the other rooms for the Starfleet personnel that returned with the Maquis. Their apartments all housed in the same building, and as far as he could tell, nothing was amiss. Each of them remained in their quarters. The same could be said for the thirteen out of fourteen surviving Maquis crewmembers they housed there. </p><p>He’d been contacted by the other two agents assigned to monitor them, asking if he was experiencing the same power distribution issues they were. He admitted that he was and that the issue was being addressed, and when the timetable for repairs should be complete. They would never know that the people they thought they were watching, were gone. </p><p>Alos and Chakotay had made their way into the heart of Section 31, Jess was waiting for them in a shuttle. She had been advised that the Starfleet and Maquis had been extricated and were now being taken out of the area to a predetermined location outside of Federation space. Once they were finished here, they would join them. </p><p>So far, the plan was going well, and as far as any of them were aware, no one had suspected they were here or that their prisoners had gone. They were so close now to completing their goal, and if they succeeded, all of them would be free to live out the rest of their lives in peace. Provided they continued to keep a low profile. </p><p>“Where is it?” Chakotay whispered.</p><p>“The matrix is just up ahead,” Alos whispered back, “I don’t know what will happen once it’s been destroyed, it might kill us, it might reset to the original timeline, or nothing could change. I don’t know for sure.”</p><p>“Well, neither of us are experts in temporal mechanics,” Chakotay commented with a grin, and Alos grinned back. </p><p>“When we’re in, we’ll set the charges. We’ll need to cover each other,” Alos stated and was given a quick nod of understanding.</p><p>So far, the plan had been going smoothly, which not only worried him but made the little annoying alarm of impending danger go off in his head. Nothing, in his experience, had ever gone according to plan no matter how carefully it was crafted. There always seemed to be some variable overlooked, perhaps something obvious no one picked up on, but should have accounted for. </p><p>They didn’t enter the room through the door, instead, they crawled through the ventilation system into the room where the matrix was being housed. Once Alos had opened the grate and dropped down into the room, it was the first time Chakotay laid eyes on the immense time dilatator. It was hard to tear his eyes away from it as it continued to make temporal calculations, he assumed, based on what was occurring now, and generating possible outcomes.</p><p>Once his feet touched the floor, they made their way toward it. Right now, no one seemed to be aware of their presence, which only made his sense of impending danger grow more insistent, “I don’t like it,” Chakotay said finally, “things are progressing a little too perfect.”</p><p>Alos smiled, “I know how your plans usually go Chakotay, and I don’t blame you for having doubts, but this is going to work.”</p><p>“How can you be so sure?” He asked, but Alos only gave him a knowing smile, which didn’t make him feel better.</p><p>When the rounded the corner of the large device, there was a man standing there, a compression phaser rifle pointed at them both, “Fancy meeting you here. I’d expected someone more, handsome, like myself.” The man stated. </p><p>Chakotay seemed confused by the man’s comment. Alos replied, “Funny thing perception. It’s all in the eye of the beholder.”</p><p>The man smiled and lowered the rifle, Alos turned to Chakotay and said, “Meet Q. The Federations current mascot and troublemaker.”</p><p>“Q? Is that a code name?”</p><p>Q leaned toward Alos and said, “You didn’t tell him about our association I take it,” and the man shook his head. Speaking to Chakotay he continued, “I’m not a member of your pathetic little species. I am a Q, having existed from the dawn of time itself, and currently, it’s ambassador for want of a better word. What your superiors are dabbling in is beginning to have dire consequences throughout the known universe. If they are allowed to go on unabated, soon there won’t be a universe left to manipulate in order to continue their feeble attempts at disillusion,” He moved over to Chakotay and put an arm around his shoulders, as if they had been best friends for years, “Some people just don’t know when to let go. It’s quite sad and pathetic really, and like any decent guardian, you must remove the toxic elements for their own good. Would you not agree Chuckles?”</p><p>He let it slide, “Sometimes, yes.”</p><p>Q squeezed his shoulder as if he were awarding praise to a child who’d just answered a question correctly, “It’s refreshing to meet a human who appears to have at least as much intelligence as a cortelian ameba. Bravo son.”</p><p>Chakotay looked to Alos with eyes that questioned, who the hell is this guy? </p><p>Alos laughed softly, “Maybe we should get down to business Q. That’s why you’re here isn’t it?”</p><p>“Ahh yes, to business gentleman,” He said with a grand wave of his hand, “I have your bosses confined to a little time loop of their own, they keep experiencing the last thirty seconds over and over again, but their troops are still active and should be arriving about…now.” </p><p>The moment he finished saying the word, armored troops entered the room, “I thought you would at least give us a little more warning than that?” Alos said pulling his own rifle off his back, as Chakotay did the same.</p><p>“Humans, you never seem to appreciate the things I do for you. All you do is complain, I believe it’s one of your more tedious pastimes, like baseball, such a boring game.”</p><p>“Q,” Alos interjected, “let’s just get on with it.”</p><p>“If you insist, now run along before time runs out and we have to do this all over again. As much as I enjoy playing the hero in this little opus, I’ll have to leave the manual labor in your questionable hands.”</p><p>Chakotay shook his head as Q began firing at the troops while he and Alos set the charges. They could hear Q singing the ‘Major-General's Song’ as if he were enjoying himself and making witty comments about the troopers as they either fell over, were thrown back, or their shots deflected. Each of them sets the timers on the charges for three minutes, which didn’t give them much time to get out. The only thing that mattered was destroying the entire matrix. </p><p>After he had set his final charge, Chakotay felt the shot that ended him, coming through his back and boring a hole through his chest. He dropped to his knees, then fell forward onto his chest and smacking the side of his face against the floor. He only had a few seconds before consciousness left and took him on the path to a new journey that didn’t include Kathryn or his daughter any longer. </p><p>He smiled as the light began leaving his eyes, knowing that his family was safe, and being taken far from here to live out the rest of their lives in peace. Around him, weapons fire continued to erupt, the sound of angry voices shouting, Q’s singing loud and boisterous, only stopping briefly to make a comment before resuming. His voice was the last sound he heard before death finally claimed him.</p><p>***</p><p>Chakotay awoke with a start, sitting up in bed breathing heavily with his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t remember what he’d been dreaming about, only leaving him with the feeling that it felt extremely vivid, that whatever happened was real, perhaps a long-forgotten memory-making his way to the surface before being lost again.</p><p>Throwing the covers aside, he swung his legs over and said, “Computer, what’s the time?”</p><p>“Zero five thirty-eight hours.”</p><p>Close enough, he thought and got out of bed. Making his way over to the sonic shower, he began thinking about all the things listed on his schedule today. Posting the shift rotation for next week’s duty roster, followed by breakfast in the messhall. Then it was off to the daily briefing for the senior staff, and a meeting with Janeway and Tuvok in her ready room just after to discuss their upcoming trade negotiations with the Ozu. </p><p>They had been on this journey for a couple of weeks now, after having rammed the Val Jean into the Kazon Warship to save Voyager. As he got out of the shower and proceeded to conclude the rest of his morning business, he thought back to a conversation he and Janeway had briefly. He’d asked her what she would have done had it been Voyager that was lost, and they had to make the trip back to the alpha quadrant on the Maquis ship. Would she have served under him? </p><p>He could remember how the corners of her lips began to curve into a smile as she considered the question before replying, “One of the nice things about being Captain, is that you can keep some things to yourself,” she smiled fully at him then, sharing a moment of levity and perhaps over time, a new friendship.</p><p>There were still a lot of things that needed to be worked out between them and their two crews, and how to try and make the transition as painless as possible. There would be setbacks, conflicts, growing pains, but in time he hoped they’d reach some kind of understanding which didn’t leave him or his crew feeling continually shut out and cut off from the rest of them. That they were kept at arm’s length with their intentions always under scrutiny.  </p><p>He never thought there would ever be a day he would return to this life, the life of a Starfleet officer. When he hung up his uniform and left in search of the Maquis, never imagined there would come a time he would ever put it on again. Now he had, serving under a woman he respected, and couldn’t help feeling a certain pull toward. </p><p>Romantic relations aboard a Starship between the Captain and a subordinate were prohibited, and he knew the regs, but it didn’t stop the attraction he felt. Perhaps one day, the longer they remained in the delta quadrant, and the more they got to know each other, something could spark between them. Maybe, she even felt the same pull he did, but it was too soon to allow his mind to wander toward the question. They needed to focus on the here and now first and get their crews working together smoothly and efficiently first. The future would tend to itself. </p><p>
  <b>The End</b>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Members, as well as guests, are free and able to leave comments on any of my work.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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